I'm so sorry I haven't been around for you guys recently. My job has been getting on top of me and I wish I hadn't taken it on. Last night was the final straw for me, and I'm very tempted to hand in my notice already.
I hope you're all well. xx
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
Thanks for asking Pomegranate, it was ok I guess... two men (I'm not at all good with me but they were actually nice) I don't think they'll be seeing me regularly like last time but they are going to phone the CMHT tomorrow and get me an appointment with a CPN this week while my CPN is on leave, and also get me a health care assistant who will take me out once a week. So I guess that's good.
Sorry to hear your job isn't going well Lizzie x
Quote:
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”
Sounds very positive :). I have a support worker as well who also sees me once a week to either take me out or just to chat or whatever I want or need basically, although she is off for 6-12 weeks at the moment. It can be very helpful, especially having another point of contact. How do you feel about what they have suggested?
Lizzie, I'm sorry things are not going well with your job. My initial reaction would be that you should stick with it for a little longer yet, things could quite easily calm down and any change of situation or routine is bound to make things more difficult for a little while. Do you want to talk about what happened last night?
hi all, sorry I havn't been around for a while, my mum and sister came to visit me last week and I'm now at my parents so I havn't had much time to come in here.
I'm not doing so great mentally, still getting bad mood swings, bad paranoia and getting angry all the time, I yelled at my grandma yesterday cos she disagreed with me. I hate the anger I am constantly on edge feeling like I'm about to explode.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Hi Oliver,
Sorry your anger is causing you such problems. I know it's horrible when it feels impossible to keep hold of and manage it. I get rage and I hate it because I desperately try to stop it but just can't at times.
Hugs x
What happened on Saturday night is all under the bridge now, though I have to admit I took a vitamin overdose that night because I was so stressed (a vitamin overdose is a step forward for me, as our aim is to go from OTC meds overdoses, to vitamin pill overdoses, to smartie/tictac overdoses, to nothing). I was in work today and I spoke to the manager of the shop, and she said that it wasn't my fault and it was the fault of the person who does the rotas for not having told me. So yeah, I feel a bit beter about that.
Oliver, I don't know if it would help you, but sometimes when I'm angry I go for a walk run, and really try to stamp my anger out into the ground. It might help.
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
I'm staying at my Grandma's for a few days, she has a new puppy so I'm having puppy therapy. Home treatment team are trying to arrange an extra health care assistant for me, so I'll have more support... hopefully. Had a really bad anxiety attack last night and was too scared to go to bed, so sat with my Gran for a bit which was ok. I'm trying to disguise my limping from so much SH though which is tricky!!
Quote:
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”
Aw, that's so cute with the puppy therapy. They are totally adorable! I love baby therapy ~ my friend has two gorgeous kids. I hope they are able to find an extra health care assisstant for you. Sorry to hear you had a nasty panic attack. Glad you were able to sit with your Gran though.
I'm so-so. At the moment I feel very fearful of leaving the house. Of everything really. It's difficult. x
Ooh rather you than me with the babies!! Thank you :) ...
I can relate to being fearful of going out etc, do you have any friends/support people that you can go out with?
Quote:
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”
I have my first appt with a psychologist next wednesday, its an assessment. I'm really anxious about it, they say I'm a candidate for DBT I think it is called.
I'm also not doing great, I had to move seats on a train yesterday cos otherwise I was going to end up hurting someone cos I was just so angry for no reason and last night I so nearly jumped off a bridge. I'm really suicidal and angry and it scares me a lot.
how is everyone else doing?
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
That must be very scary Oliver. Is there anyone you can talk to about this immediately or tomorrow?
Good luck with your assessment. I can promise you that the thought is always worse than the actual action. I have had many assessments and the lead up to it has been horrendous but they have all been okay. Sometimes bits of it are painful but the staff are gentle and trained to handle these situations. How do you feel about starting DBT?
Thanks for the reassuring words Tig (sorry don't know your name) I'm just really anxious cos its another new person I'll have to talk to and it means I'll stop seeing my counsellor. she said a lot of hard things to take on board today, like how I get too attached to people and that it is unhealthy, I didn't realise it was so abvious, she also said I push people away a lot, but I don't even realise I'm doing it.
I told my counsellor today about last night and she is going to talk to my GP, but tomorrow and the friday -sunday I'm away doing presentations on behalf of my LGBT youth group, so I'm going to be around people which I'm really dreading as i don't feel safe around people.
how are you Tig?
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Hey guys, I recently got diagnosed with Borderline probably around 6months ago and wow is it all overwhelming anyway just thought i would come say hi to all you people going throught the same things :) x
That must have been difficult with your counsellor. Hearing certain truths can be very painful but I'm sure she wasn't judging you. Just wanting to help you to understand what is going on for you, so you can address any problems in time so they don't continue to cause problems in the future. I'm glad she is going to speak to your GP ~ perhaps there may be more support there. If you don't feel safe around people, would it be possible to pull out of your presentations? I'm Lotty btw :)
MCK ~ Hiya :) Welcome to the thread! xx
I feel so low at the moment, so hopeless. I don't know how to explain it. I think it will take a miracle to survive this. I feel suicidal yet scared. I guess because I don't know what happens after death. I'm scared of leaving the people I love behind but I also don't know how to live. I'm distraught all the time and no one can touch me. The only person I truly want is my Mum but by being this distressed I just push her away.
hi guys, fairly new here and thought I would pop in and say hi to all the fellow Borderline sufferers. How did you get on last night Auror? Really hope you managed to stay safe. I know those nights where there are distraction but you really just want to be left alone to hurt. Hope your ok
I used to long for broken bones
I used to long for a casket to call my own.
my internet acces isn't very consistant so I apoligise if it takes me a while to reply to anyone
Tig, I can so relate. I want my Mum so much right now but a) she is in Spain on holiday and b ) I too push her away. Do you get much support from professionals Tig?
Welcome little paws :)
Oliver hi, I can promise you the assesment will not be as bad as you think it will be, just remember they want to help you.
I had my first appt with my new psych today, he is changing my AD's to an MAOI ad and I'm scared. So scared. The sh is cr*p and I'm tired of it all :( .
Quote:
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”
Oliver, as everyone has been saying the assesment isn't as scary as it seems. I'm sure you will get through it. Thinking of you!
Once A Falling Angel, Changing meds is always a little rough and its scary. Hopefully in the long run they will be worth it though. I'm still getting used to Depakote at the moment.
Auror- I'm so glad you stayed safe last night. I understand what you mean about trying to figure out what the difference is between a relapse and a slip up. Maybe its best just to focus on how great it is that you kept yourself safe last night. Every day sh free is a huge achievement! Oh and I love anything dinosaur related lol, thanks for compliment on DP. Alkaline Trio are amazing :)
I used to long for broken bones
I used to long for a casket to call my own.
my internet acces isn't very consistant so I apoligise if it takes me a while to reply to anyone
