Just been thinking today, maybe I shouldnt give up, but then again, i think i already have, and maybe i made the right choice to give up
Take me away, I just want out from this self-imprisoned self-made Hell. Don't be surprsed, this is your mind coming to life by self-sacrifice. This tragedy of death will walk hand in hand with every thought of regret. Blame yourself for what you've become. The mind is a powerful thing set to self-destruct.
~I, Dementia - Whitechapel~
Question: What if I'm not feeling suicidal, I'm just thinking about it and coming up with ideas a lot?
I've been there before, tried before...but this is different, I'm more aware of it and more open about it (mentioned it to my friends, told them when it's on my mind) and it's much less 'I should do this' and much more 'man, that would be so much easier, I know I won't do it but it's kind of distracting to think about how nice it would be to still have that option'
Still an issue? I don't think I'm in any danger. Should I do something about it? What?
suicidal thoughts are bad today.
just been out. couldn't stop thinking of going to the bridge. talked myself out of it in the end.
i'm doing that bpd thing of 'splitting'. i've gone from loving my parents intensely to hating them with a passion. and that's dangerous because it's my parents that have been keeping me alive.
thigns are just sh*t
If my dad dies, I will have to die too.
Everything is awful.
I can't cope anymore.
I'm paranoid and constantly on edge.
When are things supposed to get better?
I felt similar when my grandmother was alive.
She was a mother to me and brought me up. She raised me and I was her carer when she became ill.
I always said to myself that if she died the pain would be beyond tears, I wouldn't be able to function and I'd die too.
She died 4 years ago, and it was painful. I didn't cry for ages and a part of me died with her. I'm not the same person I was back then but I'm still alive. Fully alive and I have a fiancée, with a beautiful little boy. I've learnt so much about myself and gained a lot of life experience.
I have been close to death and back again. All I can say is hold on, because it will be so worth it.
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
cweed - while it is good you no longer feel that you're a threat to yourself, a preoccupation with death can still be just as disruptive. Can you speak to anyone about this? Maybe discuss ways of making it that suicide no longer seems like an option for you?
diagnonsense - I'm sorry you feel so low, but I'm glad you talked yourself out of going to the bridge. Is there someone you can speak to about feeling so unsafe?
WideWindow - I know how it feels to feel that way about someone too - it can be very hard. Do you have some support around you? Things can improve - it does take time though.
CaptainB2, why base your happiness on someone else, like on finding a girlfriend? I know you are in pain and needing fulfillment and feeling love is a huge part of that and I understand I really do. But from my experience, romantic relationships are not "life savers".. You can't expect a partner to save your life. It comes from within. Otherwise it is too hard on the relationship. Same with jobs and other expectations out of life... They are only things. You are worth saving because of YOU. Not because of what you do, or what you can accomplish. I have failed at a LOT in my life but I can't set the date because I can't base my life on chance. There are too many outside variables that may cause your life plans to go wrong and then by your plan, you end up dead. You need to be basing your life rather on contentment with who you are as a person. You are a person of worth. You have good qualities. I can already tell that you are a person who cares deeply about your contributions in life, you care about love, and are a smart and intelligent person capable of expression and writing deeply. And I hardly know you! I think you are worth saving. Please reconsider what you value and why you should live. I think your date is based on the wrong things. I don't want to think of you dying. I hope you read this far.
Thank you. That meant a lot!
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
thanks for the hugs back. erm i have felt like this for as long as i can remember. being trying to kind of hide how i feel form people, and pretend im okay. just being watching stuff on you tube and its kind off set it all off again.
Sorry to hear that hun. Why do you feel you need to hide things? Ah youtube never helps matters when one is down- I have learnt that the hard way. What has caught your attention on YT?
Me, oh, I'm not so great.
Mum24- I can see you learking at the bottom of the page, how are you?
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
hmm cause people in real life will ask me what's wrong. and if i say what's really bothering me, it will start a fight. just safer for every one to just hide it. and pretend every things allright. just stuff that's got me down and suicidal, would rather not say sorry, nothing personal erm sorry if that sound horrible.
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Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
