welcome to the thread frenchhorn!
thats a weird bday pressie!
going back to get more meds, isnt as bad, its just kind of are they working questions, and giving you another perscription. so not as scary!
good luck!
xxx
dont think i am ready to go back!! but i think if i dont go back now i never will. i kind of fell with the doctors they are waiting for something bad to happen before they step in!!
can i ask you guys a question? do you sometimes see things happen which havent? recently i have. for example at work the other day (i work on a deli) i was slicing parma ham and i saw my hand slip off the guard and on to the blade, i even thought i felt the pain this. but it didnt happen. i dont get whats going on, ant ideas??
hi cat,
i understand about the uni thing. if you go back take it as easy as you can on yourself.
as for the seeing things that havent actually happened. yeah, i've never felt the pain that would go along with it. its really weird, because its kind of distant, but then when i come back its like oh it didnt happen. and i think its only a second long, like goes in fast forward. i've never brought it up with a pysch or anyone tho. felt to weird! thinking about it tho, i dont know if i was manic or on my way there when it happened, wich could mean they're just forms of hallucinations. hmmm.
dont be sorry!!!
i dont know if i have hallucinations. would i know if i did? i feel so confused right now. at my appointment with the psch there were a few things i kept back. i know its stupid and that she cant help unless she knows all the facts but i am just scared of being labelled with something i might not have.
do you suffer hallucinations? (if you dont mind me askiing) what kind of thing do you evperience?
have you ever been hospitalised when manic? i havent. i try my best to make exchuses after for my behaviours and try to pretent to myslef that things i have done 'arent that bad' but this stuff is now ruining my life and i want it all to stop!!!
i've hallucinated when manic yeah. its not nice, i believe its all real till i'm out of that state. i've had bad witches after me, a big naked woman trying to kill me, and weird people talking crap to me and chasing me. all horrible. those were the full blown ones. as for the little weird ones, like your blade one, i've seen myself chop my hand off, and do random little things, not all bad, just random.
never been hospitalised, should have been. but havent. i dont think i've ever given all the facts to anyone. not a soul. and never all at once!
i've been on meds for bipolar, for a year and a half now, and now i'm on lithhium and its working yay! not a problem since!
still 2 months till your diagnosis?
xxx
I smell things when I get bad, such as smoke, or I hear noises. If ever I see anything it tends to be shadows or insects, though I haven't went into detail with this for anyone.
I've only been hospitalised once, and that's when I received my diagnosis. At the time I was just having a really bad episode, what they described to me as mixed, I had extreme urges, which even though I knew to some extent was wrong, I still couldn't control them.
i dont know haven seen my cpn or doc since i seen the psych.
this is going to sound really weired but sometimes its almost like i live another life. like i see things hear things smell things taste things and feel things. but once its over i also have memories of what happened (but it didnt really happen, if you get what i mean?) i mean it is so real and i will have nightmares and flashbacks bout what happened (even tho it never happened) i mean at one point i reported a crime to the police because i was so sure it happened. i dont even know what state i am in when it happens? sometimes these episodes will also link. i have never told any professional bout this. i probably should? does any of this make sense to yous? evperienced anything similar?
that doesnt sound weird. i actually have memories of things that dont exsist. but i was either manic, or dangerously low - think it was some sort of escape thing sometimes. who knows. but they're not as full on and vivid as yours, i dont have flashbacks or anything like that. just the emotional guilt, and other bits left over from them. ergh.
i would mention it to a proffesional. tho i'm one to talk! as i never have!
xxx
see this is the problem. i dont know if they are flashbacks or further hallucinations. maybe it is an escape. but if that were the cases wouldnt i be able to tell the difference between what was/is real and what isnt?
i know i should talk to someone bout it but i am rubbish at that type of thing. tbh i have only ever admitted to about 60% of the symptoms that i have. i think my problem comes from the need to be in control. there are lots of times i feel physically/emotionally/mentally out of control that i compensate by being a bit of a control freak over things i can control.
yeah its hard to talk to people, especially profesionals about things like that. should be easy! but its not. ergh.
hope you get the courage to talk to someone about it.
hugs
Xxx
just wondered if anyone has any advice on this, or has experienced similar things.
for a long time know i get these really severe feelings towards people, like one minute i can be getting on fine with my mum or sister, then they can say something, not even having a go at me or anything and i snap at them so easilyand then i hate them and dont want to see them, but then in a bit i dont hate them, also with my friends tomight we went for a walk and i hated them i just wanted to yell at them and tell them to shut up, but now i hate myself for thinking like that about them because i dont hate them, but i get these changes in feelings all the time with so many people, and i hate it, i dont know what to do.
was wondering if anyone else had anything like this, because it is really starting to worry me, because know i am starting to think things like i want to yell at them, punch them and i feel so much hatred that i want to kill them. i really scared about it, becasue i dont want to loose people over it.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
oh no whats up?
i'm not too bad. just got back from holiday, and off to a festival today. saved so hard for it all, and i'm still skint, and owe my bf money! i'm totally gutted, as my bf wont move in with me. dont know how he makes things so complicated, as it wasnt a straight no. grrrr. really want to curl up and dissapear, spose going to a festival is the next best thing!
xxx
i love festivals! i am off to newcastle tomorrow, i am really looking forward to the space it will give me.
Everything just seems to be getting to me! i still dont have a full diagnosis the psych said it could be cyclothymic disorder of bipolar affective disorder.
they have stopped the anti depressants, and started a mood stabilizer, lamotrigine. when they stopped the ad i became very manic nd my manager at work requested i leave to help stable my self out. since them i feel in to a deep depression. now i dont know how i feel. i dont full understand what a mixed episode is but think this could be where i am now! i am due back to start uni on monday and its really stressing me out.
at least your bf never said no! everything takes time! just wait and see what happens. how was your holiday?
hope you get the space you need cat!
my holiday was good thanks. and the festival was, well, stressful thatnks to family dramas, all caused by me. i'm such a f*cking cow.
i just want to curl up and dissipear for the rest of my life. seeing my sh*tty pysch on tues. just shoot me please someone?
xxx
sorry havent posted for a while. hugs to everyone who needs them.
me- ive ah had a tough time- meds have been increased, and still maybe increased. i hate being 'depressed' it seems so stupid and so pathetic like the world hasnt got anough problems- that i need to add my own to it, that my friends who love me and care- im using them and im a burden- they have lives to and shouldnt get caught up in mine.
sorry.
The BRAVEST thing
I ever did was CONTINUING MY LIFE when I wanted to die.
how you have described how your feeling is symptomatic of depression itself! try not to be hard on yourself! (i know its hard!!) your family and friends clearly love and care about you and although your going through a hard time yourself i am almost certian that they also go through hard times and i bet your there to support them.
i always try to think that if we didnt have the bad/hard times the good/great times would never be so good! i am sorry things are difficult for you at the moment. if you ever need someone to rant to i am here.
