YES i totally understand.
I used to get um "attached" to people when I was younger but I didn't really understand it I just wanted them to notice me and like me. It was a lot of young female teachers I think people that I aspired to be like. Then I did get it with one or two celebrities but that wasn't a big thing compared to in real life. When I was about 12 it was pretty bad - we got a new PE teacher and she was... gorgeous.. she came along just after I figured out I was gay and I fell totally head over heels for her (I would still struggle to talk to her now!!)
Then it was my manager... well three of them successively.. I obviously have some kind of problem!!!
I don't know how I can describe the way I felt though, I just wanted to spend time with them alone maybe? wanted to be with them or even BE them I don't know it creeps me out =/
"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"
So glad this thread is on here.. I've been wondering this same thing forever.. It could be the first time I meet a girl, but if I find even just one thing I like about them, I instantly become attracted and think about her all the time until I eventually move on or realize that we have nothing to build upon that attraction..
i have had this feeling of really needing someone to care few times in my life, once with a teacher when i was younger then with another two in my next school and i am with another one now. Its because they care when no one else does and i think i latch onto it wanting the security? Maybe, maybe not. But i am seeing a counsillor next wee and am worried about what was said regarding this above...
i get like this too, my tutor at the moment, i am so obsessed! its not like i have a crush on her or anything, she just feels safe, and i just want her to hold me in her arms and tell me that everythings gonna be alright...does that make sense?
You called me an angel, there must be a twist,
Have you ever seen an angel with scars on her wrist?
And blood trickling down from a gash on her arm,
Have you ever seen an angel self harm?-Unknown
So glad other people do this too. I am exactly the same. Can't stop thinking about them, constantly want to be with them. I feel like I need them in my life. It's usually always someone that makes me feel safe and secure.
omg - there's nothing new i can say but am so so relieved to hear other people feel just as i do! :)
i used to get so confused. With me it's older stronger men who have been nice or supportive - i get so attached & feel so safe around them. they're father or big brother figures. once i worked out it was filling that need for comfort i was ok. for a long time it messed with my head cause i'm gay but didn't understand my strong emotional (but not sexual) attachment/attraction so men. i just make sure i control the obsessive side so it never becomes awkward or unhealthy.
i could actually cry with relief, i thought i was the only one and was a freak.
i always get obsessed with females, mainly teachers that i feel are really confident and caring, i just want them to hug me and say everything is going to be alright. i got so bad one time i was imagining that something bad would happen to me just so that she would find me crying and just hold me, yup im that weird lol
then she moved schools and im always googling her name to try and find her, always going to places outside of school that ive seen her before. wish i knew why? it deffnatly turned into a bad thing for me because i developed an eating disorder and when she commented on my weight loss i became determined to lose more so that she would i guess care for me as my mother just ignored it, i also went running on routes i knew she drove home on so she would see me.
im in recovery now so thats good but it hurts knowing i cant see her anymore, wish i new what was wrong with me :S
Honestly sounds like you're clingy or co-dependent. I used to think like that about my ex, but then I got better and realized I didn't NEED him. But that was also a really unhealthy relationship, so it's a little different.
I've done this ever since I was really young and always thought I was alone! The people I get obsessed with are always women and they are always older than me - usually teachers. Like everyone else has said, I just want them to take care of me and to hold me while I cry. I feel safe with them. But I hate that they never think about me as much as I think about them... and I don't have the confidence to ever tell them how much I admire them. It's so confusing!
I'm the same, usually female teachers.
Especially one who has taught me for 7 years, and I've worked for as well and become kind of friends with.
It is a mother/security figure I think, or a sort of role model; and Laurens right its probably partly co-dependancy.
I thought I was getting better at controlling the feelings, as I've got older. I used to hang around where I knew I would bump into the person; give overly expensive presents at birthdays and christmas; drop everything if she asked me to help her. Which I no longer do.
But then it still hurts if she ignores me and yesterday she was quite sharp towards me and I went home and cried my eyes out :-/
So I'm obviously not as immune to it as I thought.
Theres no physical attraction or anything. I just want her to like me, and care about me.<<< I sound like such a child!
your not alone, allot of people feel that at times. They just never admit ;D
♫Psycho chick, psycho babe, psycho person, psycho ways, psycho in the car, psycho in the bar, psycho in the far, psycho on the ceiling, psycho on the floor psycho just can't take it any more!!!♫
This thread has been somewhat of a godsend. I am very glad I'm not alone. Reading all your posts has been very comforting. While obsessed is a strong word, I would say emotionally attached. It mainly happened with older woman, teachers and my psychologist. It very strange for me because I've always viewed myself as independent. As a very closed person, they became like people I could actually try be real around as they made me feel safe, almost like they could save me from my own thoughts and my past.
Thanks all for posting! It's really been a comfort.
I know this is a really old post, but I just had to sign up and create an account (even though I do not self-harm) because in literally YEARS of googling and searching I havn't managed to find anyone who felt like me before!
I am the same. Exactly. It started when I was 11, I latched onto my head of year in secondary school who cared for me and mentored me when I was feeling lost and alone. I became obsesed by her, used to hang around after school so I could have a chat with her, used to pretend to be upset or ill sometimes so that she would care about me more.
Like so many of you, I questioned my sexuality, but realised it's nothing sexual. It's SUCH a relief to hear you all say the same- I was still worried about it you see, because I am 24 now, I still get obsessions with women in authority/duty of care over me, and I just cannot connect with men. I can fancy celebrity men, and have the 'perfect' man in my head, but the real ones just scare me.
Right now it is my boss. I feel the day is a failure if she does not speak to me or notice me or say something nice. I caculate ways of being around her more. I think of ways of getting her to know more about me, usually I hold other conversations loudly in her hearing, solely for her benefit. I hope to goodnedd the other people haven't noticed how wierd I am.
Like others have said, I get paranoid that she hates me if she doesn't talk to me or smile at me for some time, and I get insanely jealous if she gives attention to somebody else or if I think she likes them more than me.
I am very good at hiding this by now, (much better now than when I was a teenager, when I used to do cringy things like pretend to faint, and pretend to cry... I'm sure everyone thought I was a freak.)
I have never told anyone in my life, and I can't TELL you how relieved I amto find others like me because I really thought I was a FREAKY WIERDO and utterly ALONE.
The big questions are: WHY? (I had a lovely childhood with 2 caring parents!) and HOW CAN WE FIX THIS?
Any insight into either of these questions will be more welcome than I can ever tell you.
For what it's worth, I have no idea why, but my idea about how to get rid of it is to just keep telling ourselves nice things so our esteem goes up, and try to like ourselves as much as these 'heroines'. Then we will feel like we don't need them.
But the difficult part is cutting ourselves off from these warm, comforting anchors. I dread the day I move job, though I know I must do soon. I would have done years ago, if it wasn't for my obsession.
Anyway, I'll go now, but.... yes, THANK YOU for this thread! xxxxx
Like some of the others, I just made an account because I had to post on here. I realise this is a few months late but I can't explain how relieved I am to of found it, I could cry with happiness! I've been so confused about this for years, thinking Im weird and questioning my sexuality but knowing it doesnt add up, Im so glad Im not alone! I can relate to almost every single one of these posts. Its such a massive weight off my shoulders but still need to find a way to sort it, but thank you so much for the thread! xxx
I am now in therapy and I spoke to my therapist about this. He said that it is called 'transference', and that basically means that we transfer early childhood experiences on to people in the present. For instance, if you felt like you missed out on maternal affection, then you might search for female authority figures to recreate that relationship with in the hope of getting affection. That is quite simplified I think, but basically that is what I have been doing all my life. It's confusing to me, because I had a nice childhood, but sometimes it takes a while to uncover the real roots of these issues. But it doesn't mean we're freaks - in fact, it's quite a normal thing to do. I think the way to get over it is to speak to a therapist about your childhood, in the hopes that you can work out what went wrong.
I know I posted on this thread ages ago but all this stuff everyone's describing is so like me it's weird!
I've been obsessed with people ever since I can remember; and it's always female figures in authority. I used to get attached to my primary school teachers and make a big deal out of falling over in the playground to get them to notice me more. I was probably too young to realise I was doing this, though. Then as I got older I started getting obsessed with women I admired, whether they were people who played an active role in my life, such as a teacher, or a celebrity who I particularly admired. I imagine situations where I can get acknowledgement from them, like feeling ill or even (and this sounds so terrible) a tragic event like a death, so that I can imagine what it would be like to get that sort of attention from them.
For a long time I kept my obsession hidden and in my head, but recently I've become very attached to this one teacher who I look up to immensely cos she's so good at her job and is just such a great person. I felt like we immediately clicked and understood each other, and we eventually I felt confident enough to tell her about my mental health issues and self harm. After she was so supportive of that, I've started seeking out her support at every given moment, sometimes pretending to be sadder than I am when I'm around her. When I know I'm not going to see her for a while I get very depressed. I feel so safe when I'm around her because she's the only one besides my family and doctors who knows the full extent of my problems, and I just feel like it's bonded us. I want her to hold me and tell me everything's going to be alright.
Ok, now I've got that out of my system, I'm going now :)
I haven't read the thread, but does anyone get attached to people from the internet specifically, and then if/when they go out of your life get really really unhappy because they are gone? Like you really want to meet up with them and just be with them?
Yep, obsessed with someone right about now but i'm trying to unattach myself from them :/. Sucks big time.... whenever someone does something a tad nice/says something a tad nice, i somehow get it into my head that they're always gonna be there for me now...don't ask me how I come to that conclusion...I haven't got a clue :/
I know I posted on this thread ages ago but all this stuff everyone's describing is so like me it's weird!
I've been obsessed with people ever since I can remember; and it's always female figures in authority. I used to get attached to my primary school teachers and make a big deal out of falling over in the playground to get them to notice me more. I was probably too young to realise I was doing this, though. Then as I got older I started getting obsessed with women I admired, whether they were people who played an active role in my life, such as a teacher, or a celebrity who I particularly admired. I imagine situations where I can get acknowledgement from them, like feeling ill or even (and this sounds so terrible) a tragic event like a death, so that I can imagine what it would be like to get that sort of attention from them.
For a long time I kept my obsession hidden and in my head, but recently I've become very attached to this one teacher who I look up to immensely cos she's so good at her job and is just such a great person. I felt like we immediately clicked and understood each other, and we eventually I felt confident enough to tell her about my mental health issues and self harm. After she was so supportive of that, I've started seeking out her support at every given moment, sometimes pretending to be sadder than I am when I'm around her. When I know I'm not going to see her for a while I get very depressed. I feel so safe when I'm around her because she's the only one besides my family and doctors who knows the full extent of my problems, and I just feel like it's bonded us. I want her to hold me and tell me everything's going to be alright.
Ok, now I've got that out of my system, I'm going now :)
OMG I used to be obsessed with my deputy head in year 6...I used to hang out with her at lunchtimes...I was a weird child.
And I really used to like my English teacher in year 7 for some reason...I think it's because she always praised me and smiled at me etc. Oh and she was young and had a cool appearance! She didn't look like your typical English teacher..she had all these piercings.
xxxxx
