Adult - Lame Jokes thread :D - Page 9

Casper_Fading · 17-09-2008, 12:20 AM

love you chloe!

omg... okay i'm so sick minded....

All I'm Living For · 17-09-2008, 01:18 AM

Jess i think i thought the same thing as you...

effervescence · 17-09-2008, 03:11 AM

i think we all thought the same as jess.
this is vets, after all...

Casper_Fading · 17-09-2008, 08:31 AM

hehehehe

what time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Answer

What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Answer

17-09-2008, 10:17 AM

lol jess hehe

effervescence · 17-09-2008, 11:16 AM

....tragic.....

Casper_Fading · 17-09-2008, 11:19 AM

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.

At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'

He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'

THERE'S MORE....

Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.

He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.

He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.

He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.

Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.

Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'

IT IS NOT OVER YET...

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head.

'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting.... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'

17-09-2008, 01:28 PM

a sandwich walks into a bar and orders a pint,

the barman says "sorry mate we dont serve food here"

fragile as glass · 17-09-2008, 04:00 PM

Am i the only clean minded person who didnt see any rude connetations in effervescence's joke?...

*me, clean minded, yeah right!*

WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A BLOKE IS IN YOUR BED, GASPING FOR BREATH AND CALLING YOUR NAME?

The following content has been hidden - Reason : ANSWER

17-09-2008, 05:16 PM

looooooooooool to all of the above jokeywokeys.
i may have wet myself a little. ^^

UbermoronicismAgain · 17-09-2008, 08:22 PM

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Really adult joke told by the Ded man! Really quite gross...

x

Casper_Fading · 18-09-2008, 10:10 PM

NUNS
THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A CUBS BASEBALL GAME.

THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND

BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.

IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, "I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH.. THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."

THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA.. THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."

THE THIRD GUY SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO.. THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE."

ONE OF THE NUNS TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID,

"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL .. THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE!"

18-09-2008, 11:31 PM

LOLZ!!!

oh dear my sick mind >_< lol..

Kangaroo · 19-09-2008, 09:45 PM

cant remember if i already posted this

Why did the roman's build straight roads?

The following content has been hidden - Reason : answer

Casper_Fading · 19-09-2008, 10:32 PM

yeeeah but it's stilllll funny!!!! hehehe

Caru y Nos · 20-09-2008, 12:23 PM

lololololololol :-P

shadowedseraph · 20-09-2008, 01:19 PM

*giggles*

Casper_Fading · 21-09-2008, 10:27 PM

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started... .
+++
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....
+++

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'
And then the fight started.....

Detour. Derail · 21-09-2008, 10:29 PM

ROFL!!!!!!!!

Detour. Derail · 21-09-2008, 10:33 PM

why dont anteaters get sick?

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Punchlineeeeeeee