Ugh, feeling rather shitty. Combine something like two months without my meds with starting them again (took 25 mg for 6 days, then 50 mg, and am now on day two of 100 mg), with PMS *shudders*... not to mention I wasn't feeling good to begin with... fun times, fun times. Now if only I could cry *sigh*
*thinks of her blades* I won't use them, I won't... I don't think
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Don't use them Ally. You are doing ****ing amazingly! There are bound to be down days but you are fighting through them. *passes you a tissue just in case*
I wish I had SOMETHING though... drank EXCESSIVELY the other night... that wasn't a good idea... can anyone say 'suicidal'
And right now I just feel so... ick just bumped my Zoloft up to 200 where it is supposed to be... and let me tell you playing with ADs without physician supervision is 'fun', though much more comfortable than having to go in every week and be accountable for yourself... I just want to go home and sleep all afternoon and all night... if I had money I'd go buy more alcohol...
ickickickickickickick
Someone make it stop... please
love y'all
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
*Big Hugs*!!!
It's gonna get better, I promise. Don't mess with the meds TOO much...don't want to go having fits or anything or wooshing too much (at least, that's what happened to me when I upped mine too fast and then quit them altogether mwahaha). Are you feeling any better now? I wish I could make it stop for you too. Well, I'm thinking about you, take care!!
xoxo
D'Arcy
Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae.
Lambchop, LadyMacbeth, Butterfly525, and Moonchild are my sisters. Ruffle is my daughter. That Faery Kid is my kitty!
*shudder* feeling awful... anxious and really just plane 'ick' I am hoping it is just the change in dosage and that it will go away soon... It sucks to think that something like two and a half months ago I wasn't doing too bad and now I'm feeling **** again
Ah well, such is life I suppose *shrug*
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Ugh sucks. Since you're dosing differently hopefully that's the reason...its amazing how strong those meds actually are. I hope it starts getting better...And hey, way to go on 3months free :).
*hugs*
D'Arcy
Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae.
Lambchop, LadyMacbeth, Butterfly525, and Moonchild are my sisters. Ruffle is my daughter. That Faery Kid is my kitty!
Thanks D'Arcy It rather sucks if you want to know the truth and if I had had any blades I would have not met the three month mark as I would have used them the day of my Grandpas funeral but I am finding that thinking about it (which for me really requires visualising it) is sometimes good enough for a brief amount of time (sick, I know).
Unfortunatly have been feeling a bit suicidal recently which actually isn't bothering me as much as it should... what is bothering me is that I can't do it for one reason or another ah well, I guess it's better than being able to do it. What would be even better is if I didn't feel that way lol
Love y'all
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
*huge hug*
I know how dealing with death is...its good you were able to get through that day. Honestly, visualizing si doesn't strike me f**ked up. It's better than actually doing it, at least for the time you're able to work on getting to the next step, which is not needing it as any kind of crutch at all. I'm so proud of you for getting so far, especially after this summer, which seemed like it was very hard for you.
I hope your suicidal thoughts go away soon...excuses why NOT to do it are definitely a good thing though, eh?
Take care, darling.
xoxox
D'Arcy
Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae.
Lambchop, LadyMacbeth, Butterfly525, and Moonchild are my sisters. Ruffle is my daughter. That Faery Kid is my kitty!
*is currently in her corner in the psych ward crying*
Why? I do not know But that is what it is I guess *sigh*
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
That's just it though. I cannot come up with anything that I need to work through. I do not know what is going on, just that I do not like it. And I am so sick and tired of whining about it to doctors and therapists and the like...
*bangs head on the wall*
hateithateithateithateithateit
Ah, well, have decided to do some drinking tonight so at least that is something to look forward to... and yet I am a little apprehensive at the same time... huh.
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
maybe find someone who can help you pick out what exactly is going on... and it's always possible that it's just sometrhing you've gotten use to so when you're going better, you slide back becasue it's a 'safer' place for you. you know?
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I hate feeling like this!
I just want to be NORMAL!
Is that REALLY too much to ask?!
OK, sorry, just feel **** and needed to 'yell'.
Ugh and last nights cut hurts like none other and won't stop draining (ew, gross I know, sorry)
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
It shouldn't be too much to ask Ally sweetie, but unfortunately sometimes it seems like it is. *hugs you, kicks out the **** feeling, passes a tissue*
One day life will be easier and you will look back and wonder how the hell you made it through, and be proud that you did. Each day you fight against the crap, the lows, the desperation etc is a small victory against the depression. Please keep going and look after those wounds!
just bumped my Zoloft up to 200 where it is supposed to be... and let me tell you playing with ADs without physician supervision is 'fun', though much more comfortable than having to go in every week and be accountable for yourself... I just want to go home and sleep all afternoon and all night... if I had money I'd go buy more alcohol...
It rather sucks if you want to know the truth and if I had had any blades I would have not met the three month mark as I would have used them the day of my Grandpas funeral 
