Tomorrow is the plea hearing, I don't have to go - but I'll know whether I'm going to have to go to court and give my evidence and go through it all again depending on how he pleads.
if you think you know me in real life, no you don't.
You must be having lots of different feelings right now. Do you want to talk about them or anything else? Waiting for things as serious as this is really hard. Are you managing to look after yourself? Will you be at work tomorrow?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I'm not expecting him to plead guilty. He hasn't the whole time.
But I also wasn't expecting the CPS to say yes. I wasn't expecting it to get to court, because everything has been so difficult to get this far in the first place. If I don't expect, I won't be disappointed.
What I'm worried about, is that tomorrow I'll find out if any of the support we've applied for, for my own mental wellbeing, to maybe give my evidence via video, either live or pre recorded, to be able to do it in my city and not 100 miles away (where it happened), to not have to see him, to not have to be in the room with him, to have my ISVA who's supported me for 3 years - I'll find out if any of this support has been accepted or if the court say no to it.
if you think you know me in real life, no you don't.
uncertainty is the worst. hopefully at least this gives you some answers on what will happen next whether for good or bad. will be thinking of you tomorrow.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
-He pleaded not guilty. As expected.
-They've said yes to me giving my evidence by video and for this to be pre-recorded.
-They've said no to this being in my city, and I have a 100 mile round trip to do it. (the city it happened in) - As a result, I also lose my ISVA (who's supported me for 3 years) as they can't go in a court in another region. I'll get assigned someone new, most likely on the day.
- My police officer is off til the 12th October still.
- The day they've given, is the day after the anniversary of losing my Grandad. I was with THE PERSON when I lost him, and the whole point of the trip where the assault happened, was it was over my Grandad's birthday.
I said I couldn't give ANY availability or days I couldn't do, until I at least knew what city it would be in.
I am asking for that date to be changed. Being on that day - It means a jury can turn round and say my emotions are because of grief and not the impact of the thing. (And obvs cos I was staying with him when Grandpa passed, and the purpose of the trip in 2018 was over Grandpas birthday for that reason- I can't not mention it). And therefore if they say it's grief overshadowing it and having an impact, not the thing - this has potential to discredit it.
I need to speak to my officer when she's back off annual leave in a few weeks about all this.
if you think you know me in real life, no you don't.
