support for katie - when.will.it.end

[when.will.it.end]

I'm sick of the concern. It's nobodies fucking business anymore. I don't want them to do anything so going is pointless and they are never gona section/ they have no right to. People need to back off now. I've had enough.

[x-Silvermist-x]

Katie, if you were in their position I'm sure you would be concerned about you too. They just want to ensure that you are safe. Please let them help you.

x

[when.will.it.end]

I've just agreed to an admission. I don't know why. Feel like a right moron.

[x-Silvermist-x]

Well done on agreeing to go in voluntarily, that was very brave of you. It sounds like you need a bit of extra help and support at the moment.

x

[when.will.it.end]

Thank you. I'm ashamed to admit it but I feel relieved to be here. I'm on my regular ward.

[x-Silvermist-x]

I hope the admission helps you. Try to utilise the staff as much as possible and engage in the groups (if there are any that is).

x

[Patent Pending]

Hey Katie,

Well done for agreeing for an admission. I think that was very brave of you.

Try to use all the support and help available to you.

I hope it helps.

x x x

[when.will.it.end]

Thanks. I've had a rough night with not much sleep. I'm really confused about what I want and I'm thinking of requesting discharge so I can carry out my plans. I doubt my cc will accept the admission anyway so I could be getting discharged today regardless. It's all so fucking stressful.

[Fire Fly]

Hey lovely,
Earlier you said you felt 'relieved' to be back on the ward; what has changed from then to now?

You said you want to discharge yourself to carry out the plan... In sorry you're struggling so much. However as you did accept an admission could you possibly just wait a while and see what happens and whether your mood lifts at all? I know it's difficult however in the past you've found an admission extremely helpful. Perhaps it could be helpful again? Utilising the staff; talking about what you want and how you wish to achieve it... Making a crisis prevention plan to help you remain stable etc May be beneficial for you.

When will you know what your CPN thinks? I hope it goes well Hun xxx

[when.will.it.end]

I'm selfish in saying this but I don't want to so the work. It's exhausting. I'm sick of talking to people about this stuff. I don't know what my cc thinks, apparently he's not on a clinical day today. They said they wouldn't detain me so I'm free to go. I'll be out of here this afternoon. I keep changing my mind about what I need. I just don't want to be here. I don't want to so any of this anymore. I can't handle it. I need a break.

[Fire Fly]

Would it be a break being in hospital? Could you maybe go to a different ward where the staff don't know you or try different things? I know you said you don't want to do the 'work' however there must be some part of you which does or you wouldn't keep talking to people or coming on here for support. Yes they may not detain you but people do want you alive and that's why you keep fighting through it. I know it's hard work but you can do it!

What are you wanting to do? Have you spoken to anyone about your 'plans'? Is there anything in specific that's making you feel so low and suicidal? If there's a reason then maybe perhaps working on it may help alleviate how you're feeling? Xxx

[when.will.it.end]

I'm sick of people saying 'well you clearly want help because you've done x y z' nobody is listening to me when I say that I am fucking sick of this shit. Just because I'm ambivalent doesn't mean that I do want the help. I'm frankly sick of it. In a lot of areas of my life if I didn't respond, and indeed when I haven't, things would be much worse for me so it's a lose lose situation. Everyone has been in my back 24/7 for weeks and I know it's cos they care and are worried bla bla bla but what about the effect on me? What about my wellbeing? I had to tell my story to 5 different people in one evening yesterday. Wouldn't that stress anyone out? All the time people are telling me shit I don't understand or agree with and all the time I'm working to hard to understand them but maybe I don't want any of this anymore. Maybe I've finally had enough and maybe that's actually alright. Why wont anyone listen to me when I say I want a break? Is that so wrong?

I don't understand why people apparently want me alive. I'm a worthless piece of shit and this should have ended years ago. I KNOW that people would be relieved if I was dead. I don't understand why people are telling me otherwise. It makes no sense to me. After all this time, after all these years, after all these overdoses isn't enough enough?

In some ways hosp is a break in some ways it's more stress because you don't get left alone. Plus I've gained a stone since I was last here and they can't see and I'm massively ashamed. I can't go to another ward. There are lots of reasons I'm suicidal. I don't know how to fix it it's hopeless. I don't know what I want to do. They want me to stay for a weeks admission and then go to the day hosp. They won't section me because they know it makes me worse. I'm free to do what I like, if I want to self discharge I can.

[when.will.it.end]

Sorry I shouldn't be having a go. I'm just stressed out. I went home to get some stuff and I'm feeling more settled now. It's gona sound stupid but my washing machine is broken so I've had no clean clothes for weeks and my flat has been a mess but I'll be able to do some washing on the ward and I tidied my flat a bit so that's helped too. It's a silly thing really but I just can't function when my flat is a mess!

[justapuppetonastring]

I dont post much here anymore but I've been keeping a heads up on how your getting on and I just want to send my love. xxxxx

[when.will.it.end]

Thank you x

[when.will.it.end]

I ended up on a multi story car park today but there was a barrier high so you couldn't jump. I'm really struggling. I've been talking to staff and everything. Food is a nightmare. I think I want to discharge myself right now and go home

[Pomegranate]

What did the staff say when you told them about the multi storey?

[when.will.it.end]

I haven't told them about that. I probably should.

[Copernicus]

Sorry you're struggling. I agree you should tell them!
The staff are there and you're making a good effort with communicating with them - it's obviously something they need to know.

I don't think you should discharge yourself as you won't feel any better at home. Maybe you could ask to spend the weekend resting in the hospital, but not discussing stuff or answering questions - it does seem like you could use a short break from that if it's stressing you out.

[when.will.it.end]

I asked to speak to staff bt they are busy.