I still have no idea who qk'ers are but this thread turned from "constructive comments" about the board,to what has seemingly become lets bitch about groups we (personally)have a problem with.
A lot of you have mentioned hijacking in threads,to me this has turned into that. The last few pages (when.viewed on tapatalk) are people all talking about a group that half the people on ryl don't know exists.
It just looks like a load of teenage bickering from where i am.
You're never all going to agree,same for.the boards,people are never going to agree on how things go,or who's posting most or who's getting most replies.
Last year the ed board had one big clique,in a few months people will be complaining about another.
/rant
You can't stop people making friends with other people,I've made friends with people on another board irl,the difference seems to be that on that board people don't care about there being groups of people who post and reply to each other because any new person is welcomed(or old person)...there is no bitching and rarely any drama.
Probably why spend more time there,than here.
I feel like you are seeing this from a different angle than everyone else. Its not about bitching, its about people being truthful about how they feel concerning certain groups. Would you prefer us to not say anything and let resentment fester?Thats what has been happening so far and its not healthy for anyone....its important for everyone to be honest about their feelings.
Its offensive for you to call it teenage bickering....as far as I am concerned everyone has conducted themselves very well and this discussion hasnt turned into flaming hell that needs locking.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
On the 'inside joke' side of things. I'm pretty sure if someone wanted the joke explaining to them, people would be happy to explain it to them.
For example. A lot of us say 'buffet time!' or something similar. This actually stemmed from Jenna having a buffet at her house for her 21st birthday and an old RYL memeber saying that they thought you only had buffets at funerals. For some reason at the time we all thought it was hilarious and latched on to saying 'BUFFET' whenever a friend said they where dead in a jokey manner etc, just to try and raise someones mood if they have been down.
Not going to lie, this thread is actually starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable. It feels like it is going round in circles and getting nowhere.
However this is my problem, not anyone elses. As such, I am not going to comment on here any more.
I feel like you are seeing this from a different angle than everyone else. Its not about bitching, its about people being truthful about how they feel concerning certain groups. Would you prefer us to not say anything and let resentment fester?Thats what has been happening so far and its not healthy for anyone....its important for everyone to be honest about their feelings.
Its offensive for you to call it teenage bickering....as far as I am concerned everyone has conducted themselves very well and this discussion hasnt turned into flaming hell that needs locking.
I feel like you are seeing this from a different angle than everyone else. Its not about bitching, its about people being truthful about how they feel concerning certain groups. Would you prefer us to not say anything and let resentment fester?Thats what has been happening so far and its not healthy for anyone....its important for everyone to be honest about their feelings.
Its offensive for you to call it teenage bickering....as far as I am concerned everyone has conducted themselves very well and this discussion hasnt turned into flaming hell that needs locking.
For once like ever, I actually agree with you Liv.
Hopefully this isn't too off topic but I guess I have never understood inside jokes. I do have them with people but if we laugh about it it is in private. I've always felt outwardly expressing inside jokes makes others who don't understand uncomfortable so I keep things like that to myself. But that is just me so please be gentle...
Hopefully this isn't too off topic but I guess I have never understood inside jokes. I do have them with people but if we laugh about it it is in private. I've always felt outwardly expressing inside jokes makes others who don't understand uncomfortable so I keep things like that to myself. But that is just me so please be gentle...
That's fair enough. I don't think that 'inside jokes' are said with the specific intention of making others uncomfortable, they are just said because they fit the moment.
I'm getting bored of people saying "I'm not talking about any clique in particular". It's kind of annoying.
See, I think there's a big difference between a community coming together and deciding on rules, and a community coming together to discuss how they don't like certain people and how they feel alienated by them. Like, I didn't like the fact that when we started getting old London meets going again a few years ago and 'older' members were just like 'eww, new members, ceeb for that', and then when they finally started attending meets they sat at a separate table and didn't really talk to us. However, that's the way they choose to behave and I felt excluded and upset but so what? They weren't breaking any rules towards me, that's just the way the clique mentality worked at the time. What do you suggest we do? Force members to like every other member, to talk to every other member? To carefully make sure that they equally distribute their time between every single board and every single member so as to make everything fair? I was going to say that this sounds like primary school politics, but even at ten years old I was told by my teacher that it was OK if I didn't want to play with a certain person on the yard every day.
I think it's arrogant and wrong of people to challenge a certain group's dynamic, but go ahead and do it if you want but as a top tip, I imagine they'd take it better if they were challenged politely. Saying "I think your friendship group is pathetic" isn't the greatest way to get a discussion going.
I know this was pages ago but just wanted to reply, politely.
When I said I don't mean any individual clique I genuinely meant it, I'm not singling anyone out, I have seen many cliques come and go and see little to any point singling one out.
I disagree with that attitude at a London meet it isn't helpful and I'm sad to hear that that has happened.
Personally I don't see how politely challenging is arrogant or wrong, I know when I've been in cliques sometimes we have been unaware how certain things come across and so and so forth and although none of us particularly wanted to hear it it was useful seeing things from another's perspective even if we didn't agree with them.
The last thing I want to do is offend or upset anybody, but I just wanted to clarify one or two things.
Now the stuff below is a little more personal:
A small add on as well, if I am the RYLer in question about the 'disgusting' comment I'd just like to say that if I said that a) I apologise, that was rude b) I think it was regarding comments about a particular member that upset me and c) not an excuse and I should never have come when I was that ill but I really was in a pretty messed up head space, and I know that people around me down here both friends and professionals have unfortunately born the brunt of my mood which is really truly terrible of me and I am working on it. I'd also like to add both here and in rant threads/wherever I would strongly appreciate people PMing me about any issues, rather than posting in public about it.
*really quite worried I'm going to get jumped on here*
Last edited by Buttons. : 27-01-2013 at 02:33 PM.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
Yes, I agree.
But wording it as 'worst offenders' can mean that people will think they're going to end up getting upset.
Note that it was put in "scare quotes". I was not out-and-out calling them that, but I could not think of a better term.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bigmike
I'm guessing i'm one of these evil 'worst offenders' that have been mentioned so before I head off and have one of these life things I feel i must put my point forward.
Yes, I do do a lot of spamming, yes, I do use a lot of meme's, yes, I probs do get on a lot of people tits but what of it? If i'm not breaking any rules what's the problem? And if I am breaking rules than report my arse and i'll happily take the points.
There is an ignore button and a block button go forth and use it.
First of all, no one said evil, and I resent the inference. Secondly, why should I, or anyone else, be forced to ignore entire boards? There is also the fact that the spamming is not contained to the one, single thread, which would be easy to ignore, if it wasn't for LFV, and so there is no way to know which threads are going to be over-run. This is also true of threads that disintegrate into nothing but spam, when they could have been interesting.
Just because something isn't against the rules, it doesn't mean that it doesn't annoy a lot of members, and something that should be looked at. As ADULTS, we shouldn't need to have rules for everything. Some things should just be forum and social etiquette.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rawrk
I can't ignore a thread before you/others have posted on it, because I don't know you're going to do that. I don't like ignoring users because sometimes when it's not spam, you guys have interesting perspectives and ideas to add to the conversation.
That's fair enough. I don't think that 'inside jokes' are said with the specific intention of making others uncomfortable, they are just said because they fit the moment.
That is also fair enough. :) I know people don't use it to make others uncomfortable... I think because I feel so strongly about it that is how I always see it, but you're right.
For example. A lot of us say 'buffet time!' or something similar. This actually stemmed from Jenna having a buffet at her house for her 21st birthday and an old RYL memeber saying that they thought you only had buffets at funerals. For some reason at the time we all thought it was hilarious and latched on to saying 'BUFFET' whenever a friend said they where dead in a jokey manner etc, just to try and raise someones mood if they have been down.
I had wondered about this! i thought it was a whatsit where the letters stand for words.
My favourite i came up with was
Because
Uber
Fat
Females
Eat
Treats
I dont think i have a particular group here. And im glad this conversation is helping people, however,i dont think i have much else to add as it is reading in a slightly 'us against them' kind of way, and i dislike that when so many of the people posting are dealing with so much **** in their personal lives.
I had wondered about this! i thought it was a whatsit where the letters stand for words.
My favourite i came up with was
Because
Uber
Fat
Females
Eat
Treats
I love this.
Elijahbear, I think that, also, people use inside jokes if they feel insecure about themselves? I know that I have - albeit unintentionally but subconsciously intentionally - used inside jokes to prove that not everyone hates me. Does that make sense or just sound very emo? :P
I feel like you are seeing this from a different angle than everyone else. Its not about bitching, its about people being truthful about how they feel concerning certain groups. Would you prefer us to not say anything and let resentment fester?Thats what has been happening so far and its not healthy for anyone....its important for everyone to be honest about their feelings.
Its offensive for you to call it teenage bickering....as far as I am concerned everyone has conducted themselves very well and this discussion hasnt turned into flaming hell that needs locking.
You're right,Im seeing this from a different angle,my post wasn't meant to be one that offended people but that doesn't make my comments any less valid.
The thread started off as post a comment/post an example of things to try change that. From where i am looking in it *does* look like bickering,yes you're airing it all out but rather than just outright say which people you have a problem with,its all cloak and dagger.
If i were new(or any of you were),which Im not and came to post in this thread as a fairly new member thinking of something they'd like to see on the board,would they not be put off or intimidated by what's currently going on in here?
How is that different to some of the complaints already mentioned here?
Elijahbear, I think that, also, people use inside jokes if they feel insecure about themselves? I know that I have - albeit unintentionally but subconsciously intentionally - used inside jokes to prove that not everyone hates me. Does that make sense or just sound very emo? :P
It makes sense, just don't think I've ever been able to or in a position to do that
I'm actually quite offended that you find me trying to have a mature discussion about/with a group who knows they exist and are quite prominent is teenage bickering. I am not a teenager. I am not bitching, I am explaining how sometimes I find them intimidating, as by request from them and the OP of this thread. If no one talks about it, the gap between "us" and "them" will get bigger and bigger, and there will be a bigger fall out unless we have this discussion. I for one am glad that Jenna and Lana have taken the time to reply, have this conversation and explain their actions from their point of view, and I have learned a lot.
Again, I don't give a crap about who is friends with who. It happens, it's life. People make friends, people spend more time in the company of people that they prefer. This is not what I have a problem with. I have a problem, as I have explained about 3 pages ago, with the fact that they seem very banded together and larger than life, and very in your face.
There will always be bitching and drama here. People are unwell, people take things the wrong way because text has no tone, and some people just start **** for the sake of it. If you like your other forum so much, go stay there.
I want to fix this problem, or at least give a damn decent reason as to why it needs to be fixed, or at least understood. I like RYL, I don't want people to feel threatened and intimidated by accident.
Everyone in this thread has been polite, open minded and mature about this entire discussion, and it is now descending into pot shots and emotional drama, and this is not what we need from this thread.
So who is the "us"? Since i felt i didn't fit with either side,id put my p.o.v across and it was just that,it wasn't meant in an offensive way.
But Point taken,I'll beggar off to my other forum and leave you all to go round in circles.
do people feel that discussion on this particular clique topic is going to move forward anymore? i'm glad that everyone could stay relatively calm and polite, i'm really proud of you for all that, because when i started the thread i was concerned that if this came up, it would turn into a full out war *star stickers to everyone*
if not, i invite people to bring up other issues they have with ryl (not particular members) and brainstorm ideas of how to make those better. i really liked what someone said about us being adults and that we shouldn't need rules for everything, we should just have etiquette. i tend to think similarly but think of the "culture' we have here, and how to influence it...
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
About hijacking/spamming of threads: I personally find it helpful if I get a little reminder that I am doing something that people might find hurtful as I am derailing their thread. I don't think I am doing that a lot but it has happened. Just sometimes it is hard to tell if changing the topic is acceptable or not, I've seen a number of threads where the OP didn't mind at all and joined in whatever it was the topic was changed to. So whenever that happens and people are having an issue with it I'd appreciate it if people would post something along the lines of "can this please go back on topic?", I know it is done sometimes already, but mostly with support threads, hardly ever in GC.
I never mean anything by going off topic or joining an off-topic conversation. I get kind of carried away I guess. So a polite reminder will usually make me either comment on the original topic or (if I don't have anything to say about things) back out of the thread. And I think that is what a lot of people feel like. Another possibility would be to actually report people, I am sure that at least the majority of people would get the message if they got warnings for hijacking.
I am someone who feels that as long as nobody complains about it things are alright. Like with the conversations in Say Here: I figured people would complain or maybe report me if they felt it was annoying them. But as nobody ever did I felt that people probably don't mind.
There have been complaints,but a lot of them are informal (not PRd) and for whatever reason some people would feel intimidated if they posted asking for the thread to stay on track. But now I have mentioned it hopefully it will go back to what its meant to be for :) x
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
There have been complaints,but a lot of them are informal (not PRd) and for whatever reason some people would feel intimidated if they posted asking for the thread to stay on track. But now I have mentioned it hopefully it will go back to what its meant to be for :) x
Could people be encouraged to PR things when they make informal complaints? Though I know the mods are ALL the busy as it is!
I think it was you posting the rule about hijacking in one thread not too long ago? While at the time I found it a little harsh it was very effective and as far as I can tell people made an effort to go back to discussing the original topic again. Little reminders help and while I can only speak for myself I think that the majority of people would don't mind as long as it's done politely.
You're right,Im seeing this from a different angle,my post wasn't meant to be one that offended people but that doesn't make my comments any less valid.
The thread started off as post a comment/post an example of things to try change that. From where i am looking in it *does* look like bickering,yes you're airing it all out but rather than just outright say which people you have a problem with,its all cloak and dagger.
If i were new(or any of you were),which Im not and came to post in this thread as a fairly new member thinking of something they'd like to see on the board,would they not be put off or intimidated by what's currently going on in here?
How is that different to some of the complaints already mentioned here?
Im not being cloak and dagger, I dont have a problem with a particular person I have mentioned the things that annoy me as have other people.
For a lot of people it isnt one person, also have you ever stopped to think about how someone would feel if everyone had an issue with them? Say for example there were 15 people who had an issue with Charlie, I cant imagine she would feel that awesome if she was reading this thread and everyone was saying how everything she does pisses them off.
Also its not about individuals or their personalities, its about things that people do, thats not clique specific, its about behaviour that people find annoying and so on.
As most people know I constantly remind people to think about how new members would feel, however in this case I dont understand why it wouldnt be obvious to new members that we are trying to solve something that has become a big issue to a lot of members. As I said in my last post, what would you have us do?Let it fester?
I dont understand the 'how is that different' comment, what do you mean?
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
