Sarah, look sweet, I'm not being funny and I'm not being harsh but it really is starting to sound like you think this thread and the examples used are taken from your own R&V threads. Fair enough, you may have written some stuff that people find triggering or 'glamorous' or whatever else the problems may be and I get that it clearly bothers you so you feel the need to write it down in whatever way you feel necessary but can you not see that writing it in such a way that is glamorizing SH or any other behaviour(s) one may engage in, is going to be damaging at some point to either yourself, or another member?
I see where you're coming from regarding the trigger labels being removed and IMHO, that was silly. (but that's a different topic, completely.)
There is a difference between someone writing that they cut xxxxxxx times and it was proper amazing and it gave them such a massive high to see all the blood and have xxxx stitches and to then take the ******** pills they've saved up and then b/p for xxxxxxxx hours because it was so ****ing good and it made them feel immense or to write that your day / night was difficult. You struggled with SH and numerous other behaviours and you're struggling. Okay, it made you feel fab so you want to write about the release it gave you but to go into massive detail like that is going totally off the mark. There are quite a few younger members on here now and for them to see something like that would be worrying.
So, RYL is supposed to keep you safe, right? Or at least try to help you alongside whatever other support you've got going on. So, no matter what forum / thread you go in, why would you want to come across something like that? I'm not saying it's you, so don't be assuming I am again but, is it really necessary that you're descriptions of last nights episodes are so graphic?
I don't even know if that made sense.
Personally, I find it helpful to describe what I feel about my episodes. I find it helpful to get out why I did it, and I find it helpful to get out how I feel about it, no matter how f*ked up it may appear to other people. I've seen much worse descriptions than my own & they haven't been removed. And these descriptions weren't always in the R&V section, either.
I don't see how saying how something you do to cope with things feels good is glamorising it, to me, glamorising something is encouraging people to do it & saying it will help you & it's good for you & there's nothing wrong with it & it's not that bad to do it & that it's one of the best things to do in life.
That to me is glam'ing behaviours.
This place used to be a place you could come to, recovering or not, to express how you feel, and now it feels like if you're not in the mindset of recovery or if you are expressing things in the way that is not recovery focused, then it's not allowed.
Numbers, of course, I get why are banned, I don't want them back to be honest, I think this place is a lot better without them, I never really used them myself, and I never really wanted to either, same with food lists, it can down play other peoples problems if you say what your BMI is, and how much you binged on, and how much you consume if you're restricting, etc, that can make it competitive for other people and they may think that there problems aren't as serious or as bad, but I don't see how expressing what you feel about behaviours you do is so bad.
People have always done that here, and people still continue to do it, graphic or not.
Some people use poetry to express how they feel about the behaviours they engage in, I have in the past, most of my friends have, people write stories too, in the Creative Corner you see dozens of stories & poems on behaviours they engage in.
I understand there are impressionable younger members on here, and I wouldn't want one of them to come across a rant post that could come across as being pro & all for a certain behaviour, I wouldn't want anyone to SH/engage in ED behaviours/abuse alcohol/drugs because it was said in a post that it helps that person, but it's plastered all over this site that behaviours do something for them.
It's said all over this site that they feel better when they do xyz, that they feel good, that they're more in control, etc.
People need to accept some responsibility when they read threads, labels were removed because the majority of threads will trigger, and when I've been triggered before, I'm not going to blame the poster for it, they're entitled to express how they feel.
This site was made for people who engage in behaviours that they use to cope with & these behaviours help them feel better, feel something, help them feel in control... it's all over Em. What's the point in being told you can express yourself here if you are being restricted in saying how you feel about xyz?
I'm not going to ask for this site to allow people to "glam" their behaviours, I'm just trying to express my opinion on this certain change & I don't quite understand what I can & cannot post now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cymraesfach
Personally, I believe that a post which puts an action such as cutting (which is a terrible way to deal with things, dangerous and harmful) in such a positive light is glamorising. This site is for recovery, not for poetic descriptions of how lovely it is to cut yourself.
Read above.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Hierophant
I think, now, recoveryourlife is a site purely for recovery. / because i remember it never used to be, we all self harmed and we came together, that was it, with support thrown in.
there used to be a place for people who weren't ready to recover, but now it seems there isn't, changes are being bought in place and it's always the same people in these threads, & these same people all seem to not be ready to recover just yet, maybe i'm wrong.
but there they are the same people in these threads debating for the minority & i think now, that the minority are people who are in a different place to the majority & i think that minority are the people not quite ready to completely recover.
so maybe this site is focused around recovery and those recovering. & those who aren't ready are out, i don't know,
Actually, if I try and think about it in a positive light, being in the minority could be beneficial.
No one is trying to censor the things that a few people find really difficult, because the majority are okay with it, so we're having to develop real coping mechanisms rather than avoiding things.
If I'm going to have the face the words I find difficult to read and the images that they conjure, maybe I can find a way to be okay with reading them.
Or maybe this is just my brain trying to stop me falling apart. Heh.
Actually, if I try and think about it in a positive light, being in the minority could be beneficial.
No one is trying to censor the things that a few people find really difficult, because the majority are okay with it, so we're having to develop real coping mechanisms rather than avoiding things.
If I'm going to have the face the words I find difficult to read and the images that they conjure, maybe I can find a way to be okay with reading them.
Or maybe this is just my brain trying to stop be falling apart. Heh.
That is certainly beneficial, and something that I hope everyone manages at some point.
Actually, if I try and think about it in a positive light, being in the minority could be beneficial.
No one is trying to censor the things that a few people find really difficult, because the majority are okay with it, so we're having to develop real coping mechanisms rather than avoiding things.
If I'm going to have the face the words I find difficult to read and the images that they conjure, maybe I can find a way to be okay with reading them.
Or maybe this is just my brain trying to stop me falling apart. Heh.
I'm anorexic and I purge. I don't feel the need to say how good it feels.
Some do. Just try and see someone else's point of view, yeah?
Quote:
Originally Posted by TranquilChaos
If those type of graphic rants are no longer allowed, then fine, but I wanted to explain why these type of rants are useful to me & why I do them here & what the point of them is, and that point is not to actively encourage or glam these behaviours.
I agree with this. We're going to follow the rules, we're just a bit put out. This is the place where I feel I can say everything - but now I can't. I understand why, but I think we have a right to complain a bit. I'm not saying the other side of the argument can't give their opinion, either, just so you all know.
I do completely understand why the romantic language can't be allowed. It's just very hard to know what is "too far", and that's the problem here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by [Purple_Rain]
Annaberry: yes, basically. Unless you get a PM from one of us lot, you don't need to worry.
Thank you for this reply.
I think this needs to be made a big, obvious point. Lots of us are worried because we don't know what is "too far", as I said up there ^ so I think this is a good point to try and get across. Eventually we will learn what we can and cannot say, but for now I think people should just try to be a little more considerate (but not enough to get in the way of expressing feelings) of others until we are told we have gone too far.
I think this needs to be pointed out again because people don't seem to be acknowledging it: Unless you get a PM from one of the mods, you don't need to worry.
Life is about love, last minutes and lost evenings,
About fire in our bellies and furtive little feelings,
And the aching amplitudes that set our needles all a-flickering,
And help us with remembering that the only thing that's left to do is live.
Annaberry, it's all well and good saying just keep posting until you get a PM from a mod but, would it really be that much trouble to just think about what you've written before you hit the 'submit' button?
Anna just said
"but for now I think people should just try to be a little more considerate (but not enough to get in the way of expressing feelings) of others"
I think that means to be thoughtful of what you say, but not so you can't express yourself still.
And getting shouted at terrifies me. I know they're not shouting and I should just ****ing get over it, but due to some personal stuff I won't go into here, I get very very frightened when people tell me off. And I would rather know what's allowed than just post and then get told off :(
Actually, if I try and think about it in a positive light, being in the minority could be beneficial.
No one is trying to censor the things that a few people find really difficult, because the majority are okay with it, so we're having to develop real coping mechanisms rather than avoiding things.
If I'm going to have the face the words I find difficult to read and the images that they conjure, maybe I can find a way to be okay with reading them.
Or maybe this is just my brain trying to stop me falling apart. Heh.
I think exposing yourself to fears and triggers is the best way! Good luck!
I am an individual over the many years have seen so much triggering and glamourising, that i'm used to it. I've learnt to cope with reading this stuff. And this is without the rules/guidelines put in place.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." - W. Gibson.
Anna just said
"but for now I think people should just try to be a little more considerate (but not enough to get in the way of expressing feelings) of others"
I think that means to be thoughtful of what you say, but not so you can't express yourself still.
Precisely, thank you Sarah :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kayakov
I get that some people feel the need to write about how amazing it is.
But the point is, if it breaks the rules, it's not allowed. It's not really complicated.
I totally see where you're coming from, I just think the post I quoted before (in my last post) was badly worded/could be offensive. Like I've said, the problem is "how far is too far?" not "I want to go too far."
I personally am okay with this now (after 10 pages of discussion lmao) so I'm probably not going to post much more because I'm just repeating myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeaCulpa
And getting shouted at terrifies me. I know they're not shouting and I should just ****ing get over it, but due to some personal stuff I won't go into here, I get very very frightened when people tell me off. And I would rather know what's allowed than just post and then get told off :(
*Hugs* (if you don't mind getting them from a stranger)
You're not getting shouted at, lovely, but you don't need to "f---ing get over it", because it can be very upsetting getting a warning from someone. I'm sorry you feel like that, but maybe you could PM a mod and ask if they think your rant thread is glamourising? That will give you a better idea of how well you stick to the rules.
Life is about love, last minutes and lost evenings,
About fire in our bellies and furtive little feelings,
And the aching amplitudes that set our needles all a-flickering,
And help us with remembering that the only thing that's left to do is live.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Will Trig
I cut myself so bad i can fit my finger in it yet it feels soo good
Thats glamorising self harm.
I cut loads of time its wide needs stitches but can't go hospital.
Thats not glamorising it
Personally though you can write in R&V without glamorising self harm if you need to write about that why don't you use LJ or set your journal to private so no one can read it.
But tbh theres no need to be glamorising and pro.
I am now not going to use this account as my main one from now on.
If you want my new account PM me. xxx
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Will Trig
I cut myself so bad i can fit my finger in it yet it feels soo good
Thats glamorising self harm.
I cut loads of time its wide needs stitches but can't go hospital.
Thats not glamorising it
Personally though you can write in R&V without glamorising self harm if you need to write about that why don't you use LJ or set your journal to private so no one can read it.
I don't even know how anyone could 'glamorise' something that is so destructive?!
So far no one has give me a set of guidelines or rules that I can see as fact. Everything is subjective apparently. And I don't know how to handle subjective. I don't know what is allowed and what isn't.
I think it is subjective, you're right. It's difficult to compose a set of rules/guidelines for this and I'm sorry that you're struggling with the lack of guidance.
lol, I'm not really bothered about it Emma, she can direct it at me however much she likes, people don't have to read my rants, just as I don't have to read other peoples rants.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : may trigger.
However, it's not as if I said "Oh look at me, look how deep I went, you should try it, it's amazing!" No, I said how deep I went but then went on to say how much I hate this & how sick of it I am & how it's still not enough despite how deep I have already gone.
Just as others say on here.
Just as others say, despite needing to have xyz stitches, despite needing to have surgery, etc, it's not enough, I need to do more, etc.
I'd think that would be saying how dangerous it is and how much it tortures you inside despite how deep you've gone or despite how much you have done it.
Just like with ED's, just like with drug abuse, alcohol abuse, overdosing, etc.
As Anna has said,
"Like I've said, the problem is "how far is too far?" not "I want to go too far."
I personally am okay with this now (after 10 pages of discussion lmao) so I'm probably not going to post much more because I'm just repeating myself."
I agree & whatever else I say I'll just be repeating what I've said for the last 10 pages.
Last edited by Cryptic. : 02-01-2011 at 07:01 PM.
Reason: added more.
I don't even know how anyone could 'glamorise' something that is so destructive?!
So far no one has give me a set of guidelines or rules that I can see as fact. Everything is subjective apparently. And I don't know how to handle subjective. I don't know what is allowed and what isn't.
From what I can gather it is anything that is incredibly graphic. Although I would call those posts graphic rather than glamourising, which are two different things covered by different rules.
Jodie, please dont think we'll shout at you. We dont shout at anyone, honest! And it's obvious from your posts in here that being glamourising is the LAST thing you want to do with your rants. So, IF we see something you've written and we think it needs to go, we'll send a pm and explain why.
I think that over the next few weeks we'll be lenient with the R&V board, in as much that if something is glamourising and needs to go we'll edit and PM you and wont give out warnings etc.
The example Laura posted was along the lines I was thinking of.
To people saying "oh but threads in x forum are just as graphic/triggering/rule breaking and havent been removed" PLEASE POST REPORT. We cant read everything ever posted and things will go missed unless they are PRd.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
glam·or·ize also glam·our·ize (glm-rz)
tr.v. glam·or·ized also glam·our·ized, glam·or·iz·ing also glam·our·iz·ing, glam·or·iz·es also glam·our·iz·es
1. To make glamorous: tried to glamorize the bathroom with expensive fixtures.
2. To treat or portray in a romantic manner; idealize or glorify: a show that glamorizes police work.
I know what it means but thank you, I just meant in terms of RYL-related stuff. I honestly don't understand how things could be glamorised? Or how something I have written could be perceived as glamorising when they're just my thoughts.
