it's night time so now of course i'm back to how i felt last night. i wish someone would just shoot me. I'm constantly on the verge of tears anymore. For the last week I feel like I've been blinking back tears for literally all of my waking hours. which is most of them, because im barely sleeping.
Mum24, how did emergency go?
Last edited by givemethismoment : 05-12-2011 at 01:40 AM.
~ Megan
"Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
Take me away, I just want out from this self-imprisoned self-made Hell. Don't be surprsed, this is your mind coming to life by self-sacrifice. This tragedy of death will walk hand in hand with every thought of regret. Blame yourself for what you've become. The mind is a powerful thing set to self-destruct.
~I, Dementia - Whitechapel~
Givemethismoment. Here is a tissue and a hug. Wipes your tears. I feel for you. I hate nighttime too.
Emergency sucked. They were no help. I expected as much. I left feeling extremely suicidal and didn't Want to go home. But I'm here now. I start my new job this week. Hope I can bear it. Hope tomorrow I can cope. Thanks for asking... I appreciate it. Specially since I know how you are feeling too.
I'm so sorry. <3 Thank you for your support and understanding. I'm so disappointed for you that emergency wasn't any help (and actually seems to have made things worse?). Please don't give up. I'm sure your new job will be wonderful!! and it's a chance to start fresh...we should take every opportunity we have to do that and run with it...the chance doesn't come around too often! :)
I'm feeling a little better now. Unfortunately not because it just magically happened. I gave in and cut myself again. Ugh. I get so pissed at myself when I do that. But the cuts are really okay this time and were much less than usual, so I guess that's not a bad thing. and then i put on some music that cheers me up. and I got a phone call from my brother. he's in the army and is stationed on the other side of the country (is being deployed in a few months) so I don't get to see him. today is his 21st birthday so he's off getting drunk in a bar LOL, but he called me to ask if I was okay because he said he "just had a feeling" that he should. I love him. and I miss him. But I love him first. <3
~ Megan
"Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
Hey.
I haven't been on here for a couple of days because I had too many things to do...
@Mum24 please don't give up. Don't be sorry for "being such a downer" like you said in your other thread - you gave so much support to people, now it is your turn to receive help and support! I'm not sure what time it is at your place atm, but tell us how your first day of work went when you had it :)
@DriftedAway Oh I know those nice runner's highs, whenever I can get myself to run I usually find that I feel better afterwards. But sometimes I also feel worse, because I couldn't run as far as I wanted to...
@every one else who is struggling right now: Please keep your heads up. I'm sure there is at least one person out there who cares about you, and you are all worth living!
I am feeling very low at the moment. After I thought I figured what I'd study, everybody keeps criticising or making fun of me (although they're probably only making meaningless jokes). I've got my boyfriend living with me now and we're going to move into our own appartement soon, but all of this costs so much energy... energy I don't have... I couldn't sleep last night because I couldn't stop worrying. Plus, when I want to sleep I often start remembering embarrassing moments of my life, which makes me start to think about what a huge failure I am...
Don't know why I should hold on. I know some people would be crushed, and I don't really want to die, I just want to break free, but there doesn't seem to be another way...
An indefinable yearning, possibly for something he once knew and then lost or for something he never knew and has always been searching for.
Thanks for your encouragement Pilgrim. It made me smile. Now let me encourage you. I totally understand yourfeelings. But there is another way to break free. Always just when I think there is no hope left something happens and life changes again and there is hope. Please hang on. I truly understand. I sometimes can't handle the pain either, as you can tell by my thread, bit you guys encourage me and there are people that care and there is always just at least one itty bitty reason to keep going. Please be safe.
Don't give up Katie hun... How did your appt go????? Talk to us. What happened? I'm sorry if you posted it elsewhere and I missed it. What did your gp say? Did you tell everything? Here for you. Squish
didn't go great. Didn't tell him much. Seeing cpn tomorrow morning. Don't feel right tonight...kinda like i don't fit in my own skin. Nothing feels right at the moment. I'm shakey. I just don't know what to do =/ how're you doing honey? <3 xxxxxx
I wish I could be of some help to the rest if you posting in here.
I couldn't do it. But my arm's a mess. And they said to phone them if I felt like self-harming so I just did. After the fact. So fucking pathetic. And I'm posting here too. I just seem to be throwing reasons to hate myself in my own face.
[REPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID - Honk if you're Scottish!]
Katie, please tell your Cpn everything that you can. Huggles. I'm so sorry you are feeling so crummy. That sucks. I felt sick today too. Just off. It sucks. Will you tell your Cpn? Please?
Pointless... Don't feel guilty, please don't hate yourself. You are such a lovely person. I'm so sorry you are in such a bad place tonight. I've been there... Doing stuff and hating myself after the fact and feeling pathetic, but it comes from being in pain, and being unwell, it's not your fault. It's not. When you called, what did they say? Did they help you? Hugs
Somebody might care but i dont and at the end of the day isnt that what really matters? I'm a romantic that no longer believes in love, and a spiritual person that believes religion is wrong
Take me away, I just want out from this self-imprisoned self-made Hell. Don't be surprsed, this is your mind coming to life by self-sacrifice. This tragedy of death will walk hand in hand with every thought of regret. Blame yourself for what you've become. The mind is a powerful thing set to self-destruct.
~I, Dementia - Whitechapel~
It sounds like you have lost hope. All that matters is that your Creator has not lost hope in you. Forget about humans and whether they do what's right or wrong... Spiritually, it is about the love song between you and God.
For the here and now, you need to care... And I'm concerned that you've lost hope. Is there anyone you can talk to about this? Don't keep it in. We don't want to lose you. Don't give up the fight. You can beat this.
Yeah i did give up, and theres no god, so i have no creator.
Take me away, I just want out from this self-imprisoned self-made Hell. Don't be surprsed, this is your mind coming to life by self-sacrifice. This tragedy of death will walk hand in hand with every thought of regret. Blame yourself for what you've become. The mind is a powerful thing set to self-destruct.
~I, Dementia - Whitechapel~
Pointless- How are you doing now hun? How is your arm? Are people helping you?
Mum24- Please let us know how work went honey. Your very brave and strong going. Your an inspiration.
JDenning- I am sorry you have given up. But your not the only one. I don't know about you but I am just exhausted with everything, the only energy I can find is for plans. Please stay strong, I am told this can't last forever. I am told that things always work out for the best. I hope you find something to hold on for.
Heaven Knows- How are you doing hun?
Everyone else who's around- Stay strong guys and post if you need to get anything off your chest.
So, I have got to the point where I need to visit the places my thoughts have focused on. I need to see if my plans are feasible. No point wasting time on plans that won't work, hey.
I wish I hadn't given up.
I wish I could believe in a higher being.
I had hoped that things would be different. I guess I was wrong.
I am so pathetic.
I'm sorry.
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
