I can see it in her
And I know I can't change her way of thinking
I had this disease too
And she says she hates herself
And she's terrified to eat
And I'm scared, because I don't know what to do
I'm lying, I'm lying, I'm lying. Please, catch me out on this one.
Please, stop believing everything I say.
You're a therapist, you should know how to deal with people like me and recognize when they're LYING THROUGH THEIR TEETH to make you think that they've stopped cutting and restricting.
I don't even know why I do it. K is really taking over now and it's so hard to keep him out. He wants me to say I'm transgendered so he can have the body he wants. NO NO NO STOP STOP STOP i can't make it stop and now I sound like a fucking nutcase. fuck.
i want you to see this
i want you to turn from the tv and see the tears that are rolling down my cheeks
but do you care no
i sit silently
please see this please
but then again youd want to know why
im sorry
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
Now that I've been talking to you, I feel like cutting again.
It sucks when you say you love me because it's not in the way I loved you. You try so hard to protect me from him hurting me again when you're just another one of the people who have hurt me.
Whatever it is, you can get through it. I promise.
I know you want to talk about my sexual assault next session, but I'm afraid. A part of me keeps saying it wasn't that big a deal, a drunk relative tried to kiss you at 15; other people have worse happen to them. But I can't deny it affected me, the way I get terrified around older men.
I blame myself even though I know I shouldn't.
Location: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
I am currently:
I don't want to stop cutting. I want to hurt myself more and more. I want it to get worse... and I don't know why...
I don't even like you, but I wish I knew how to talk to you about this, 'cause you're where I was 6 years ago... Please don't do this to yourself...
Deep trouble, losing control. Primary resistance at a critical low.
On the double gotta get ahold. Point of no return one second to go. No response on any level. Red alert this vessel's under seige, total overload. System's down, they've got control.
There's no way out.
Location: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
I am currently:
I had an abortion.
It was the only right thing to do in the circumstances.
Even if I had brought the child to term and done the adoption thing, my life would have been ruined and you would have taken the baby, and I couldn't have that.
You would have been a terrible father, just as you were a terrible partner.
Still... I want you to find out somehow...
I want you to find out and be so furious that you come and kill me, because the guilt won't do it by itself.
Deep trouble, losing control. Primary resistance at a critical low.
On the double gotta get ahold. Point of no return one second to go. No response on any level. Red alert this vessel's under seige, total overload. System's down, they've got control.
There's no way out.
Do you really care? Or is it just a bit of fun for you?
What about me? Do I matter at all?
And you- I'm scared you're sick of me. Which is great. I'm always like this and I can't make it bloody stop. But then, I'm so self-righteous and arrogant, no wonder everyone thinks I'm a freak.
Oh, and I wish I could have an R/V thread, but I'm too scared my parents will find me on here.
