If you are feeling suicidal, post here...

[Frail Existence]

RYL is the only place that cares. Wy suffer in misery and endure more pain when I can just give in and it all ends then? For many irl, literally, itd be an early christmas present for em. Thas how much I am hated and disliked. and... i DONT know why! sometig HaS to be wrong that I am doin

[givemethismoment]

it seems like a lot of people think everyone hates them. I honestly can't imagine what that must be like. but i really believe that there are people out there who care about you. Even if there is just one person. is there ANYONE you can reach out to? parents or a significant other? I'm so sorry if you've been over this before, I'm just now joining in this discussion.
There is always a chance that life will get better. even if it seems like it won't. even if the problems you're facing won't get better, your ability to cope with them might strengthen in time. I can't believe that anyone isn't worth their life. Your life is worth fighting for, hun. Things will get better and you deserve to be here to see it.

[Frail Existence]

Noone to reach out to. only friends are ryl friends. thats all. im talking to some them.

keep fighting for what? to keep getting raped and beaten and bullied and abused? its all thats happened since day i was born. moved sveveral families only for same results. Its all thats happened for 17 years of my life. But Im tooo scared say or do anything abbout it. Ive only been moreopen but it on ryl since joined in may and cant say anything irl yet though.

[givemethismoment]

I can't imagine the kind of pain you have dealt with throughout your life. I have a quick question before I say any more, are you in some type of foster care system? I ask because of what you said about being moved from family to family.

[Frail Existence]

I am adopted. i was with original birth parents to foster care to birth parents for two years then put in group hom for few monthhs then put with who i live with now but coupl of times ive been moved to foster places for lil bit

[givemethismoment]

Ahh I understand. do you like your adoptive family or are they part of the problem and not treating you well?

[Frail Existence]

they part the problem. my dad abusive and two of my sisters sexually abuse me and... theres issues

[givemethismoment]

I'm so, so sorry to hear that. But, you know, you are going to be a legal adult soon. You don't have to stay with these people forever. You can and will meet someone who loves you for you and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. and if you so choose, with them you can start your own family and give love and be loved in return. if you'd rather not be with someone or not start a family, there are still opportunities for you. You could find a career that you love. You could throw yourself into some kind of organization that is special to your heart.

There is a life out there for you far beyond the hell that you've lived through thus far. You were dealt a pretty terrible hand for the beginning of your life, but you are MORE than capable of turning it around and making the life you can imagine for yourself. I just know it.

[Niniane]

Quote:

they part the problem. my dad abusive and two of my sisters sexually abuse me and... theres issues

Do you have anyone to talk to about this ?

[Frail Existence]

I have people on ryl im pretty close with who I talk to about it all. Im seventeen and next september im eighteen. So i tell myself not even a year left. Just fight it out but... gets SOO hard. I dont want to be taken away and start over with nother family or group home.

Thanks.

Im just trying keep myself in my room. Nothing unsafe in here. Rid of it all week ago.

[givemethismoment]

I'm glad that you got rid of it all. I don't even have the courage to do that, so I really commend you.
Is there anything you can get involved with between now and then to make the time pass faster? a school play or a sports team or anything?

[Frail Existence]

Im a runner and I volunteer and tutor couple other kids but the volunteer stuff and tutoring is during school. But Im not even sure if can do track because I have been sick since September and its not getting better.

[givemethismoment]

physically sick? Could that be contributing to your depression at all? Have you gotten any medical attention? when you're depressed, even for external OR psychological reasons, having a relentless illness or injury has absolutely been shown to make it worse. I had to have back surgery last month, and in the last 2 months before the surgery I was in so much pain that I couldn't stand, walk or shower without excruciating pain. I was already depressed and having that made it so much worse. If you haven't gotten help from a doctor, is there a way that you could go about doing that?

[Frail Existence]

I have had xrays and seen the doc mutliple times and exams. Been diagnosed with acid reflux disease and have ulcers in my tummy and bronchiospams things and they think i have azthma. But I think there is something else going on and I might have an STD so ive been rying to find a way to see a doc to address those things. trying find transporrtation and time to do so.

[givemethismoment]

I gotcha. I hope that you can work that out because I really feel like/hope that could help you feel a little better emotionally. it could at least give you the freedom to run and stuff, which I'm guessing you enjoy! (wish i could enjoy running hahaha. it's torture to me!)

[Frail Existence]

You were ever a runner? Running... is my high!

[givemethismoment]

I never have been! When I started getting in shape a few years ago I started running a few miles a day and despised every step of it! haha. (and since my back got all bugged out I'm not allowed to run anymore anyway. can't say i'm disappointed ;)). I've heard a lot of people say it was an amazing release for them though. that's great.

[Frail Existence]

There really is a runners high. Have a memorable one in min.
But I went to be abble to do ten miles one day to three days later barely half a mile.
I literally can only go about four hundred meters. :(
Lucky you I gues. Think we are goin off topic some...

[Heaven Knows]

Why can I not get the date out of my head. Why is it that having that date is the only thing keeping me from doing something stupid now? Gah.

[getting_by]

*Sneaks in*
No one knows how I feel. No one knows how I plan when they are talking to me. No one knows that its nearly all I think about. No one knows that I'm scared...