I can't stop planning. I'm trying. I'm trying the mindfulness to stop me thinking about it but it's not working. I have a date and now it won't get out of my head.
Can you just notice the date and let it drift past? I know it's so hard. I have awful sticky thoughts too. Sweetie you gotta tell someone. Who can you tell? Your gp on Monday? Is the date before then?
No. It's a while yet. I will try to tell my GP. Or my CPN. I hate that that is what my mind is focussing on - nothing else. Just getting ready. I may just go to bed to stop the thoughts going around and around. I am here for you though, PM me if you want to <3 I always answer PM's on my phone so will get it. Keep yourself safe if you can <3
x Katie x
I've made my plan i'm giving it 6 months if my life doesnt improve its the logical thing to do
Take me away, I just want out from this self-imprisoned self-made Hell. Don't be surprsed, this is your mind coming to life by self-sacrifice. This tragedy of death will walk hand in hand with every thought of regret. Blame yourself for what you've become. The mind is a powerful thing set to self-destruct.
~I, Dementia - Whitechapel~
I want to die more and more every day. There's nothing anyone can do. The crisis team are coming to see me tomorrow because my manager wouldn't let me go home alone without seeing someone about how I'm feeling. Great. They'll do what exactly? Do they come equipped with magic wands?
The only thing that's ever really helped, my medication, is yet again wearing off. So you'll change it. And then it will wear off again.
Why can't you all just come right out and agree with me that this is never going to go away? Why do you feel the need to talk around it? I already know so I'd rather you were able to admit it.
Why can't I just die without affecting anyone? I never miss people. I never try to see people. I wish I didn't have any family. I want it to be like I was never here.
[REPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID - Honk if you're Scottish!]
JDenning - I know what it's like to have a plan in your head. What are you going to do to try to change things within those six months? Have you talked to anyone about this plan or anything like that? I know it's difficult but try to keep pushing the date back - things will change.
Pointless - Can you call your doctor and discuss things (I read in your other thread that they're not being reviewed for two weeks) and ask to see them before that date?
I've been trying but its hard, it doesnt change the fact that its what i want and feel i deserve
Take me away, I just want out from this self-imprisoned self-made Hell. Don't be surprsed, this is your mind coming to life by self-sacrifice. This tragedy of death will walk hand in hand with every thought of regret. Blame yourself for what you've become. The mind is a powerful thing set to self-destruct.
~I, Dementia - Whitechapel~
Hun, its not what you deserve. It really isn't. Your judgement isn't at its best at the moment hun. Why do you want it hun? What will it solve Vs what will the impact be. What if it fails.
Hugs x
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
I've failed before theres no chance this time i'm gonna make sure of it. Its just as I see it i contribute nothing to the whole of societyi know people will hurt, but they'll get over it, it will take time and some may be left with scars but for the most part the majority of the world wont even notice. I just dont want to continue when I have nothing to look forward to because i have the realisation that i get nothing because i deserve nothing. besides i'd rather die at a time of my choosing in a way i choose, and slowly i give up on myself, this is my best option. I dont want to cause anymore pain that i have to see the impact of.
Take me away, I just want out from this self-imprisoned self-made Hell. Don't be surprsed, this is your mind coming to life by self-sacrifice. This tragedy of death will walk hand in hand with every thought of regret. Blame yourself for what you've become. The mind is a powerful thing set to self-destruct.
~I, Dementia - Whitechapel~
I wish people would just give up trying to save me, i'm all outta fight. just let me go.
One track mind, one track heart
If I fail, I'll fall apart
Maybe it is all a test
Cause I feel like I'm the worst
So I always act like I'm the best
If you are not very careful
Your possessions will possess you
TV taught me how to feel
Now real life has no appeal!
hold on to that hope, don't deny its there, because if it wasn't..you wouldn't be here... don't let your hope die out <3 love and hugs to you all x
One track mind, one track heart
If I fail, I'll fall apart
Maybe it is all a test
Cause I feel like I'm the worst
So I always act like I'm the best
If you are not very careful
Your possessions will possess you
TV taught me how to feel
Now real life has no appeal!
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
