Hi everyone.
Sorry i've not been around tonight i've had another hospital trip.
I'm going to my nan's later on today because i need to be somewhere where i know i can be safe and atm home is not that place.
I'll try and pop in on my moblie, if i cant i'll be back monday.
xxx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
I was away with the Prince's Trust on a trip to Newtonmore to do things like abseiling and rafting. It was really good. I hate being home to the same old ****. I don't know how to change my life for the better. BPD, depression, anxiety, and OCD interfere all of the time.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
i go back to the doctor monday. The dr i go to lives in the same town that my mom does--i live about 6 hrs away. it doesn't make sense. so in order to go to the dr--i have to visit my mom. and things are awful here. i hate it
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Hopefully the doctor's appointment will go well for you. Sorry to hear things aren't well for you at the moment, I hope that it changes soon (:
-----
I hate myself. I really do. Being impulsive about my eating again, restricting sometimes, then binging, then purging... I just don't know what to do. I'm just about holding back my self harm, but its only a weak barrier preventing me from doing it. But I have to be strong for my Mum. She doesn't need to worry about me as well as the fact that she's now on medication. I'm such a worthless 17 year old.
hello...sorry ive been away. things still arent good. I just dont know what to do with myself anymore. im losing all support and am coming off meds and that thought scares me....maybe theyre giving up on me because im giving up on myself xx
I know its hard kitkat, but you have to be strong for yourself, not for your mum..if youre strong you can fight this illness better
..and youre not worthless hun xx
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
It's okay, I'm sorry to hear you're suffering but I can totally relate. I'm close to giving up, I feel like I'm dying inside. Could you tell your Doctors that you don't want to come off meds? Speak now before its too late, I wish I'd told my therapist that I wasn't ready for therapy to end but now its too late and I'm getting worse. I won't give up on you, so you have my support (:
I feel so worthless though... I just don't feel like I should do anything. For a while I've felt like I'm going to die soon. I don't know why or how, but I feel that way. I feel ready to die.
It has now been confirmed to me that I cannot talk to my mum about the job issue. I mentioned something and said 'Oh you know, shitty old work' and she said 'saying things like that doesn't really help' so I said 'well everyone hates their job' and she said 'well we just put up with it' and I said 'what, you want me to pretend everything is okay and we are all dandy?' so she said 'yes, because we all do' ... so now I know I can't tell her. Sigh.
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Sorry to hear about that Pomerian ): I hate it when you feel like you can't talk to your parents.
Yesterday I upped and told my Mum that I didn't feel like I could talk to her and she was like, but you always can, and I just thought how am I supposed to when you walk around with a face like a slapped arse, complaining about how you're so stressed and how you find it so hard.
i just want a break. it seems like things are always going bad. My mom thinks that i'm doing all this stuff for attention and reminds me about how much it costs or how inconvenient it is for her. my older brother is autistic and i just don't think she can handle another one of her kids being screwed up. and she thinks that cutting is just about me wanting attention. i'm thinking of getting her to go with me to the psychiatrist tomorrow and maybe the dr can explain things to her.
Thanks Kat, things have just gone pretty much from from bad to worse but there we go -sigh-
I'm sorry you're in a similar situation. When your mum complains, it doesn't make it easy to approach her I imagine :( :(
Signing - I know how frustrated you must be :(
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
i know i havent been around for a while and then i got scared about coming back so im sorry. i feel like right douche bag im so scared my friends are going to figure out how stupid i am and how boring i am ive been pushing them away just not really communicating. ive been getting jealous aswell my house mate me n her were soo close last year and now we live together we have sort of drifted apart and she and another girl have become like 2 peas in a pod and i want that i want a close friendship again with someone. but i havent everyone has started to realise who i really am and walking away or i think they r :(
