My appt went ok I guess. Husband said he wants to learn to be a support. We worked on some communication stuff. I told him I was feeling bad. My therapist tried to convince us I shouldn't work next week. Said I have a serious medical condition that needs attention right now. I'm glad he takes me seriously. I'm still not sure what's the best thing to do. I have to work.
<3 well done for being honest in the appointment - sounds like your husband is really trying to help more. Maybe some time off would be good for you? I know it sucks; I've been off since Sept 13th >.< and I'm itching to go back.
CPN didn't really say much...didn't even know I'd started my DBT last week. Wants to meet with me first couple of days of next week. Said he might call tomorrow if he can.
Don't know right now. Better than none I guess. Got GP on Monday too. DBT therapists said I could call them too...if I'm struggling. Just...I don't even know what I want/need right now, you know?
How're you feeling after the appointment with your husband? Do you feel better at all?
hi, i hope it's ok for me to post here. i'm scared. i bought more pills today. i don't wanna take them but at the same time i need to take them. i was in hospital due to an overdose this summer. i messed everything up. they're gonna want to put me in hospital again. i just don't know what to do.
Hi Ashley.
Of course it's okay for you to post here <3
Sorry you're feeling so low right now.
I think it's important you tell someone you feel this way; even if it is going to worry them, it's better than you hurting yourself with an overdose.
x Katie x
thanks but i already feel like i've messed up. it's my fault. the last time i was in hospital, it affected my whole family. i can't do this to them again. i just can't.
I know how you feel; I ended up in hospital more than once in the same month and it hurt all of my friends...so I know how it feels to feel like you've made a mess of everything and to feel like you can't fix it...but just by not doing this you're starting to, you see? Could you call a helpline or anything? Just to talk things through as you're feeling so low?
x Katie x
sorry. sometimes i feel like i'm the only one feeling like that. it really helped to see i'm not the only one. i'll call my psych doc tomorrow and see what she says. thank you.
No problem; you're not alone honey. You never will be :)
If you ever want to talk, I'm always willing to listen, just drop me a PM.
I hope it goes okay with your doctor and they help <3
x Katie x
I can't even cope at work any more - I sat at my desk at one point and it felt like my head just imploded. Everything in front of me was just jumbled up and I couldn't even think to do the most basic thing with emails and simple stuff. I've been fooling everyone by carrying on with things in bits and getting the odd thing done but I'm still way behind and really bloody overwhelmed by the amount I've taken on. It just underlines how hopeless it all is and how much I've slipped out of reality.
Went to dancing tonight to stop myself from going home and drinking and thinking about ending it like I have done every night this week but felt so useless I couldn't even feel like I could help anyone out in the class. And even when I tried to, the more outspoken people were just taking over and basically implying that I was wrong. And I hate being called out on in front of beginners! Pointless me being there really. So just sat at the side and made small talk with a couple of the girls I get on with, but the talking was irrelevant, it was just words and none of it mattered, it all seemed so unimportant and shallow.
So I'm back now, drinking the night away, hoping I'll drink myself into sleep like I did last night if only to stop me from doing anything worse.
Borderlinejivequeen I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time right now. Can you stay safe? I'm concerned that you're drinking. It's harder for me to stay safe if I'm drinking. Let us know if you're ok. Are you talking to anyone about your feelings lately?
Katie.. I know what you mean about not knowing what you want and need. I said that to my doc and therapist today. I don't know what will help me. If I did, I would have done it a long time ago.
I don't know if I'm feeling any better after my appt. Unsure of how things really are now I guess. I feel insecure about it all. My husband is sick with the flu tonight. Maybe I did that to him... maybe I stressed him out so much and hurt him so much with my stupidity that he got sick. I feel bad.
I feel like I'm coming to the end of my rope. I'm going to try to sleep it off, but I can't take much more. I just don't want my mom to feel like she failed. I swear i'm not going to hurt myself and I'm just going to go to sleep, I just really need to verbalize right now. I have gotten so much help here, but things just keep piling up. I think I might have to tell my boyfriend tomorrow how bad I am and maybe admit myself. I don't want to do it, but I feel like if I don't do anything soon I might not be here for much longer. I'm going to sleep now, I'll be okay. Thanks for listening.
im feeling like i cant do this anymore, i need to end this nightmare of a life. theyve done it, theyve won, theyve destroyed me.
im never going to escape them all the while im still breathing, the flashbacks, nightmares their voices all the time haunting me i just cant cope anymore.
i just want some peace
