The Borderline Personality Disorder Thread

[ThinkingofRecovery]

Does your hubby know and can he help calm and soothe you?

[lynx]

*Hugs Rowie*

katie hope it gets sorted soon then chick
carrie how r u.
rowie hugs chicken can u talk to neone who cud help.r u bk seeing ur team yet.
sarah wats going on chick
helen hope ur ok today
danni when u feel like that can u sort of hold something or remind urself u are safe etc like grounding techniques

me im ok this weeks gona be tough cus its an anniversary and dont know how im gona cope at mo im ok just killing myself at the gym everyday lol. dbt i was just being hasty with thinking bout ending it. it has helped and is helping i think my friend just wasnt expecting it we still havent spoken so dunno. im not gona apologise for wat i said cus it needed to b said i guess.

[Bleeding Angel]

Rowie, it seems like you really need to talk to someone about how you feel, even a greif counceller or something like that?

Cheryl, it might be good to apologise and leave it like that, as for the anniversary thing, maybe take some times out and relax?

Dani do you need to get medical help or anything liek that?

Sarah, how are you?

carrie its good you are being positive :)

ev how are you?

katie, can you not stay in your room? i hope you have a nice day out instead.

Il post later to say stuff.

[Bleeding Angel]

The problem is when i move il end up right where i started, to even get support means going on a long list and i dont want councelling - it doesnt help me at all, i dont need to talk about thing, it doesnt change anything at all. But i spent so much time running and forgetting and its hard, im not normal, i dont feel normal, i dont deal with things ok, there are memories all over the walls, the floor and im going right back. Its sad i cant even look at photographes, and the lighter they gave me which is inscribed, i cant use it anymore, it brings back memories of people who arnt around anymore.

So i feel like im going crazy, names, objects, everything has a memory and its inside my head and wont go away, how do you get rid of something that is a part of you, built in, when people touch me thier imprint remains and wont go away, so what do you do? do you burn it out? cut it? block it out? but i cant, and its so hard, people just think your being stupid because its that easy to block and forget and move on, but i cant i never can.

I havent chaged any, so what if i go back to being ill, losing it, cutting overdosing, what if i go back to that - maybe i want, maybe deep down il have that freedom, but then it goes further than that, suicide? heck you have the medication, no, im the one that keeps saying no, that you want to live, but its so hard, no one else takes the memories so badly.

The imprint is always there, its never really forgotten.

[x-dying-inside-x]

Hi everyone!
How are you all?

I'm really sorry i haven't been around.
I went on holiday for two weeks and i've been working and sorting out college for this year so this week has been madness.

[DannieGirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat :)

I'm scared.
What if I don't get into college, can't find an apprenticeship and can't find a job?
I can't stay at home for a year, I will actually go crazy. I will probably end up in a mental hospital if I do, because even when I stay at home for five days I end up feeling really depressed. So a year? I was talking to my friend last night and she could see that if I did that then it would have a really negative impact on me.
I can only pray and hope that I get back into college.
Sorry, needed to rant a bit.

hey hun,
juat thought i'd let you know, i only got 5 gcse's...one being a c...3 d's and an e....i got into college, i did a btec first diploma in IT which i passed...my second year of college i did 2 as levels....i got an e in one and a u in the other... my 3rd year of college i did a btec national award in IT and i got a merit....

i had such a small amount of gcse's..i didn't meet the entry requirements for any of my college courses yet i was still accepted.

something i didn't do my first and second year o college was let them know i had mh issues and my attendance was pretty bad....i almost got kicked off the courses for it untill my grandparent's spoke to them and told them i had mh issues...

my 3rd year of college i told them i had mh problems and they were so helpful and understanding, my attendance for the year was 46% and i still managed to get a merit!

so if i got into college with my minimal gcse results, i'm sure you'll get in. they are pretty laid back tbh.

hope this helps

[ThinkingofRecovery]

Mari, is there a way you can get some of those memories out of your head so that they aren't swimming around quite so much as it sounds like loads to deal with? Perhaps you could write some down and think of a way to avoid it or note how things are different to prevent it this time round?

The thing is, you have changed, greatly. You aren't doing those things and just because you go back to the place doesn't mean you will hun.

Don't forget, you can always post here to let us know how you are doing, what thoughts you are having etc.

*hugs*

Hi Daniella *waves*

[ThinkingofRecovery]

Sorry, another post. I am feeling really anxious/jittery. Shaking. Taken prn before and it doesn't seem to have kicked in yet. Worried now as I asked for less prn on my prescription due to pick up b/c I didn't want to end up with too many, now worried if I am like this all the time, I am screwed.

I feel the need to cut :(

[Bleeding Angel]

Sometimes meds work at differnt paces like with serequel sometimes it takes ten mins and sometimes it wil take an hr. Try not to cut and try and relax

[ThinkingofRecovery]

Lorazepam/Quetiapine combo seems to be kicking in a little but it took nigh on an hour and I still need to cut. I'm going to have to go and get some lunch despite the fact I want to restrict.

[Gully]

Hi All

Haven't posted for a while but i'm still here.Things have improved a bit better for me.Just completed a six month course and will soon be going on another one.
The mental health team want we to be more active and get out more and so plans are in motion for me to do a five week Indian cook course.I simply love hot curries but can't make the source.I could well be going onto another activity course in the future.
I'll be on new medication as from tomorrow as my last lot gave me horrendous headaches.I simply stopped taking them and they stopped thankfully.
Still not working yet but that's a real sour subject which is pointless discussing.
I've been really excited the last few days as i'm planning to get started on owning my first pet snake.I really can't wait.
Hope you are all doing fine. xxx

[Kitkat :)]

Thanks Dannie, but my college isn't really that understanding if it comes to mental health issues :/

[ThinkingofRecovery]

That's no good. Virtually every college has in place systems and policies etc to help people with difficulties achieve what they are capable of if it wasn't for their condition/illness.

[flutterby butterfly]

My phones being weird so I can't read back (blasted blackberry)
So wanted to say hi to everyone, offer hugs to whoever needs them & hope you're all ok
Hopefully getting a new lappy soon... Hmmm

[Bleeding Angel]

Kathryn, this might sound a stupid question, but have you actully ever talked to the college about it, or even went to see the disibility advisor? you dont even need to say its about you, just you think a friend is depressed and want to know how they can help her. From what your saying it sounds like you havent actully been to them and are talking from what other people have said - forgive me if im wrong its just what im picking up on.

Hopefully im getting a new laptop soon, i need to check when i go out later if my dsa has been paid in, they said two weeks prior to start date and that would be today.

Carrie i hope you are feeling better. Glad things are going well for you gully.

Carrie, it wouldnt have been so bad if i was moving to a new accomadation, but because i have lived in this place for two years and alot of bad things happend, i cant really exscape anything, i mean even that flat im going into has memories written all over the place, i guess its affecting me more than i thought and i know people will think im absoloutly stupid and pathetic for letting something like this affect me so much. But people seem to come into my life then leave thier imprint and dissapear, and im left trying to deal with it all, and maybe the borderline doesnt help with that, it makes it worser, because of that when people walk out it hurts ten times worser and takes ten times longer to get over. But i cant change anything and as much as i try to move on my so called friends arnt going to be there anymore, like when i used to always go to my friends flat and hang out there, or in uni, its not here anymore and its sad, and i tried to contact people and they didnt want to know, and then when i sleep i dream about it lots and the whole feeling of wanting to be in contact with people but i cant.

And it probably does make me pathetic because it affects me so much, and how all that time meant nothing, and its something i have to live with forever, just regretting.

[ThinkingofRecovery]

You are not stupid and pathetic Mari, not in the least
*hugs*

[x-dying-inside-x]

mine and kitkats college are not good at all when itcomes to mental health. the crap ive had to deal with because they dont want to help me.
xxx

[Bleeding Angel]

I just feel alone, it reminds me of this song

I must give the impression.
That I have the answers for everything.
You were so disappointed.
To see me unravel so easily.

It's only change.
It's only everything thing I know.
It's only change.
And I'm only changing.

You want something that's constant,
And I only want it to be me.
But. Watch.
Even the stars above,
Things that seem still
Are still changing.

[x-dying-inside-x]

Dont feel alone hunny!
You have all of us.