I have been struggling with anorexia for a while now. I just went home for Thanksgiving break and my parents expressed real worry over my current relapse. They love me so much and I really loved spending time with them, but they made me eat. Now I'm back at school hundreds of miles away and I'm so torn. I don't want to eat because I can't stand it, but I don't want to NOT eat because I love my parents. They are close to putting me in rehab, and I don't want that either. Life's options suck. I don't want to continue to live with anorexia because it is no way to live. But I can't stand to live with myself eating "normal" amounts of food. And I don't want to be pulled out of school and live in a rehab facility.
The ONLY thing keeping me alive is that I can't stand the thought of hurting my parents more than I already am. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Hugs Roli... How come it was so rubbish? I'm ok. Going Christmas shopping. Haha I have no money. But I'm going out. That's all that matters.
Clouded dancer. Sounds like you have some real good motivations to go to rehab and get well. I know it's so hard and it sounds like you are genuinely struggling. I think you have people here who really understand the pain. Hugs. I hope you will choose the life path over the death path. You are worth fighting for even if you don't feel like it now.
Mum24- thanks for the hugs, need them today.
Night of anxiety and panic attacks.
Really triggered.
Cut my hair off- lol.
Burnt by arm- its now rather swollen.
Meh.
How is your day going? Christmas shopping sounds gd.
Clouded dancer- I know how hard it is to recover from ana, but its a lot easier with support. I know you dont want to end up an inpatient- and believe me you CAN recover without having to be... But its hard on your own.
Sending strengthening hugs.
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Roli, that sucks! I hate anxiety... Aw... Wish I could make your burn all better. I'm sorry things were so bad. I just know how that feels. I so feel for you.
My day is going ok. Little stress but ok. I'm waiting for my friend to get here at the mall. Hope she shows up. Lol. I really need this day out.
I'm so sick of living this life with so many people here to inconvience me but no one to help me. I'm sick of not having a single person to rely on beside myself. I'm sick of everyone all falling on me. I'm sick of going to school sll week, working all weekend, not ever seening a dime of my own money, and everyone demanding everything form me on top of it. I'm sick of everything I do being undone and pointless. I just want to die.
Sending out support to all, I felt so much better after posting here the other night and thanks for your support mum24. I am getting help, but things just come flooding in all at once sometimes, and it really gets me.
Hi,
Sorry for posting on this thread again. I just feel like complete crap. Had to quit Uni for the day because everything triggered me. I wanted to smash everyone's head at the first noise.
The voices are too strong, they're taking control. I've been trying to reach my doc the whole morning, and all they managed to tell me is to call in the afternoon. Geez, I can't hold on. The voices have won. They're winning. I'm paranoid all the time and I'm just tired of living.
I'm even starting to plan how to kill myself again. Hadn't happened in years. I just want to get it over with. The voices keep telling me to do it. That it's the only way out of this s**t. So far they're winning. And I'm feeling suicidal, with no help at all.
Sorry if the post is inappropriate.
-- English is not my mother-tongue, so I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistake --
It's not inappropriate at all. I'm so sorry you are going through this! It sounds like things are really hard right now... can you go to the hospital or call a crisis line if you can't wait for the doctors? I would go to the hospital. You are within your rights to do that and they will help you. Please let us know how you are doing and what's happening...
Hugs to all. I'm sorry its so tough for you all atm. Things do get better- its just a slow process- lol I sound like my CPN now :P.
Please, vent, rant, anything- just know that your not alone and this is not the end of the line.
If anyone needs help- please reach out for it. Can't loose anyone! Keep fighting
xxxxx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
can you go to the hospital or call a crisis line if you can't wait for the doctors? I would go to the hospital. You are within your rights to do that and they will help you. Please let us know how you are doing and what's happening...
I called all the crisis line to which I have a link to. They pretty much ditched me, blaming me or telling me that they couldn't do anything for me.
One told me to go to the hospital, but if I go I'm afraid that they'll just section me.
-- English is not my mother-tongue, so I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistake --
Niniane. I hope you will consider going to the hospital. They will try to help you however is best. It's my experience that they really don't want to section anyone longer than is necessary if at all. Your health is first priority... please do whatever it takes to take care of yourself. Forget the silly people on the crisis line... I'm sorry they were no help to you. So, what are you going to do? Hug
Niniane. I hope you will consider going to the hospital. They will try to help you however is best. It's my experience that they really don't want to section anyone longer than is necessary if at all. Your health is first priority... please do whatever it takes to take care of yourself. Forget the silly people on the crisis line... I'm sorry they were no help to you. So, what are you going to do? Hug
I managed to get my doc on the phone and she sent me to my parents since there was no place in any unit. I'll see her tomorrow. Thank you very much for your support!
-- English is not my mother-tongue, so I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistake --
Mum24- Not good, not good at all. It might be time to take a drive. So flaming numb. The world is just speeding past, there I am, time passing by. I wanted to stop time last time. Worked quite well.
Its great about your therapist appointment. I really hope you can tell them everything thats been happening/ going on for you. Would it help to write it down?
How has today been? Hugs xx
Niniane- Its great you managed to seek help of some sort. Take care of yourself- thats the most important thing. xx
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
Mum24 - you're most welcome. I'm surviving...can't really say much more than that at the moment.
Niniane - I'm glad you're getting yourself some support and you called the doctor.
Roli - Sorry you're struggling right now - remember we're all here to support you <3
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
