thanks, the relationship with D i'm happy to walk away from, as although it was my fault, his wife pushed and pushed me, mentally unstable people give up information easily! and she knows that as she used to work with some! and then it seems she turned it all against me and my family. so screw her and him. as for the others, i'm trying to repair them! lol!
i miss some of the mood swings. but its safer for me and others if i'm on meds!
how are you doing? any better?
(sorry mini rant!)
still all over the place to be honest think i am just worrying and stressing over things i have no control over. it seems my mood swings become more destressing and often when stress is involved. i dont at the moment have a formal diagnoses so i am on anti depressants at the moment but they do absolutly nothing for me. my gp has been treating me for depression for a long time. started seeing a cpn months back for cbt but has from the beginning said she thinks i have bipolar type 2. she put in a referal last week to a psych and told me i prob wouldnt hear anything until bout august but i got a letter through yesterday with an appointment for thursday and i am terrified. think this is having a major affect on me at the moment. i aint even sure why i am worried tbh!!! i know that everyones different but do you think i will get a diagnoses on thursday?? and if so would they start me on different meds then?? these questions are driving me nuts at the moment and the fact i havent slept for three weeks and although mentally i am wide awake its beginning to affect other areas.
i really dont wanna have a mental illness but would rather have one and it be able to be controlled than live the rest of my life like this its making me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!
how long you been on meds for?? did the first ones they try you on work? or was there a lot of trial and error??
sorry bit of a rant but feel better writing this stuff down!!!
hope you get your relationships back on track but these think can be so tricky (in my experience lol not really sure in your situation)
do you really miss the mood swings? do you miss the highs?? pritty sure there must be very few people who miss the lows!!!!!
Hi cat,
I'm only starting to sort out things now with relationships. I've been very lucky in that I have a friend who has stood by me through everything, though I have others who have pulled away/been pushed away. Though I have started to remake amends with some of these people. I know when I'm manic I don't really talk to anyone, and when I do I don't remember what I said 10 mins later. I also get really irritable and end up causing arguments.
I don't think they will give you a diagnosis straight away, your first appointment will mostly be assessment. They may try you on meds, but it all depends on what the psych thinks.
hi cat,
for me stress is a major trigger, sends me one way or the other. aniti-depressents did nothing for me, infact one of them definately made me worse! i know if its rapid cycling bipolar then things like prozac are a big no no.
i got diagnosed the first time i went to see a pysch, took me years and years to see one, but they did an hours long assessmant and yeah diagnosed me there and then! was one of the scariest things ever, way too many people sat there asking questions and nodding their heads knowingly at each other! but it was a good thing, no matter how scary it was!
for me mental illness is better then having a pysical one, as i can take a pill every day and be normal-ish. they cant give you pills to grow back legs. so i try to consider myself somewhat lucky!
i've been on meds since i was about 18? so thats 6 years. and i've just found one that works! mind you for the majority of that i was being treated for depression, so they didnt help! for bipolar, i've only been on 4 different ones. wich isnt too bad. and the second ones i was on for a year, and they did help, just not enough and i couldnt cope with the side effect of being a total zombie!
as for missing the moodswings, i miss the highs to a point, i miss the hypomanic stage on the way to manic, i even miss the lower side of the manic, but i dont miss the hallucinations, and not remembering all the stupid things i done, and the putting myself in dangerous situations. i really miss the creativity that comes with it the endless energy the spontintaity. on meds i feel incredibly boring, and level. i think when your used to feeling the extremes, normal doesnt quite seem enough, even though its a relief! i'm not sure, dont really think i can explain it!
good luck with your appointment, hope it goes well!
thanks!!!
its tomorrow and i am terrified. i aint going to say that i was thinking bout not going, as not going is not an option. just wish it was this time tomorrow and it would be over and done with.
but thank you guys for sharing. makes one feel as though your arent so alone.
oh no im sorry your having a mixed episode thats horrible, im on valproate and they wont put me on a antidepressant. although i think i need it because my lows are terrible at the moment my mood is all over the place. its so tireing and hard to deal with, i cant plan anything with my day because my mood could switch at any minute! its starting to annoy my parents who i just went on holiday with.
Can I vent in this thread? lol, I was going to put it in my journal but really kinda want someone to tell me to slow down or something. Bascially my son is getting assessed for Asperger's (eventually) and I'm really glad I'm now getting help with him. But the doc gave me forms to fill in (which I've done) and forms to give to his school teacher to fill in. I had trouble convincingher to fill them in (she has 2months so plenty of time), she seemed to think it appropriate to point out that she thought there was nothing wrong with my son, 'he just needs to focus more', and seemed unwilling to fill these forms out. Th thing is I had to give them to her just before schools broke up fro summer hols and I won't see the doc again til September re: my son. What will I do if she has point blank refused to fill in the fors, even when 3 teacherd including the head seen he needed more encouragment, extra help in school. And the head was worried enough about his tantrums that he insisted on school counselling at the age of 4!! (he's now 7) I know I'm getting myself worked up for nothing when I don't see the doc til September and my wee one will have a new teacher but for some reason it is really playing on me. I've been asking for help with hm for 5 yrs and just as I was about to give hope (though my mum was willing to help me pay for him to be seen privately) I get help and now I feel his teacher is standing in the way!! I know I'm in slightly mixed episode at the minute as I've stopped taking my mds, and I'm pretty sure my nurse and GP know I have but *shrugs*. I'm just so worried.
psych didnt give me a diagnoses but did say she 'thinks' i have a mood disorder. has come up with a treatment plan and i am due to see her again in two months, as she said she would be able to diagnose me then? i am so confused!! i think she has already made up her mind but wants to wait to make double sure?? Oh i dont know really confused. any opinions?
there have been a few commenst bout mixed moods. although in theory i know what these are. what do you actually experience in a mixed episode? is it switching from one mood to the other really fast? or do you experience everything at once?
i am sure things will be ok. you tend to find that teachers and health care professionals come from different worlds when discussing difficulties children are having. (in my opinion/experience) often teachers over look signs that would suggest a child needs extra help as a lot of there training is based on methods of teaching and how children with no difficulties inteact with the teaching material. soon as a child seems to be 'unintrested' or 'distruptive' they say its because they are 'not trying' or 'lazy'. (in my opinion/experience) your specialist will be aware of this difference of perspective and if this teacher does not fill in the forms then i would requst to see the head and ask them to compleate the forms on his class teachers behalf. this can be easily explain to the doctor because as you have said the head has played a big part in the support and suggestion for your son previously. also the fact that this individual teacher has probably only known your son for a year perhaps ask the head to compleate a form as well as his class teacher when term starts again?
i really wouldnt worry hun. things will work out and i am sure this teacher wouldnt purposly stand in the way of your son receiving help.
also maybe you should speak to your gp bout not taking tour meds? its important to keep yourself well in order to be in the best place to support your son and fight for his best interests.
i dont know if anything i have said make sense or helps in anyway, but that is what i am trying to do. just want you to know i am here if you need to rant!!!! or talk or anything else!!!
starnight - i'm sorry, that all sounds really stressful. if the teacher refuses to fill them out, can you go talk to the head, he obviously thinks that your son needs help, and could pressurise the teacher into filling them out if she hasnt. and if she point blank refuses, does it have to be his last teacher? could it be a different teacher who's taught him before and would be willing to fill them out? maybe even the head could? good luck! i hope that this slightly strange teacher does it without fuss. i also agree with cat that you should be taking your meds, i know its hard when your stressed, but you need to be in the most stable place you can, for your son.
cat - glad your getting your diagnosis in 2 months. seems a way off mind. but hope it helps. being double sure is probably a good thing. i dont know really. i'd go mad if they said they'd tell me whats wrong with me in 2 months! so stay sane! will you be able to see them before that if you need to?
i'll probably be back to rant myself, a bit later! hehe.
xxxxx
Thanks, I'm trying to write everything down for the doc so if this does happen I can bring it up. I know I really should be taking my meds and I'm going to try start taking them again as I'm going on hols soon and want to be able to enjoy it. Just have a few issues with taking them so I may see if my CPN can come out earlier again.
it is driving me nuts!! i have a cpn which i see every two weeks and i see my gp often as well. i just dont know whats going on. i am suppost to start back at uni in late august, after taking a year out because i became unwell. i really wanna go back and finish my degree but i really dont think i am well enough at the moment
starnight - hope you get your issues with your meds sorted. hugs.
cat - i had to drop out of college for a year, never went back. tried, but failed. hope you get back, just dont push it too soon, thats a killer. good that your still seeing people regularly, having to wait 2 months would be awful!
one step closer - sorry its so long. can you not make it sooner? stating the obvious. lol sorry.
cat - I know how frustratiing it can be, take your time getting back to uni, if you push yourself before you are ready you could end up off sick again. But if you feel ready go for it.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression on my 19th birthday! which was only a few months ago, but i had been suffering from depression for many years before that, but was always too scared to go to the doctors.
was put on fluoxetine, that wasnt helping so was changed to citolapram, but have ran out of meds now and dont want to go back to the drs. basically the doctor i went to see first was really nice and i got on with her fine, but then she went on maturnity leave, so went to see another doctor and she was really rude, had a go at me for not sorting it out years ago, basically told me it was my fault and just dismissed everything i said. it was a really big thing for me to go to the doctors in the first place, because i hate talking about anything to do with it all, i have a trust issue with people and have had bad experiences in the past.
i know i probably should go back, but i dont ever want to go back again.
