thank you for the hugs :)
I am very much looking forward to the move, I'm hoping to go to college to get the grades I didn't achieve in school which is what I'm mostly looking forward too. But like you said, it's the exposure that frightens us (sorry I say us/we when it's what I and the others agree on, they like to be acknowledged =/ I know thats really wierd of me) Where I live now is a very secluded safe place, and the thought of moving to a large city frightens the bejessus out of us. Most of the others can see the good side in this, for all of us not just me, but they also have alot of fears and reservations about it as well. I think my boyfriends past abuse there is effecting them, they worry it will happen to us, and him. *sigh*
I hope your changes at work go smoothly and quickly *hugs* it's horrible when things change, especially when you're not in control of those changes. *more hugs*
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
kids outside joyriding so i called it in to the police
went out to talk to them. i don't know if i switched but i think things were said and i didn't expect to switch and now i'm worried something inappropriate was said to them
i just wanted to help. just wanted to be a good person
this sucks so much. i wish i had not called now. and now i can't sleep. sorry if i'm coming across as boo hoo poor me. no control or at least knowledge of what parts have said really gets me down
Have you seen the new house yet, STB? What's the area around it like? There are often safe places in the least unlikely places. Like when I lived in East London I used to like sitting in St Botolph's church near Liverpool St. And walking in Victoria Park.
Chris, I can totally understand how that situation with cause a switching. And I can empathise with the fear of having said something that might not have been what you'd have chosen to say.
Did the kids go?
I can really understand what you're saying Chris, you don't sound boo hoo poor me at all, switching when you don't realise is horrible and the fear of saying something that you wouldn't is uncomfortable and brings up alot of mixed emotions and thoughts. *hugs* It's really hard especially in situatins like that, I hope you're feeling better now.
I haven't found a place yet (which makes the move even more stressful.) My boyfriend used to live there, and because of his past abuse there are alot of places I am not aloud to look in, which makes it very difficult. Over half the city is a no go =/ There's a shopping centre in the centre of the city that I know well so I'm mainly looking for places around that area. If I have somewhere near me that I recognise and feel safe about I'm hoping it'll be less frightening, and I wont get lost! (my biggest fear)
How are you feeling Stelleta? Are you feeling better?
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
Well, what has been talked about on this thread describes perfectly how I am feeling at the moment. I can see myself typing this, but another part of me is singing to soothe me. The words come from another me so I can function - depersonalisation? Weird. I have lost it on and off for a few weeks now, but I have been like this for about 2 days now. I am very stressed about work and other things, feel like I am being victimised, so I have had to take over from me to survive. mmm doesn't make sense to read back but actually does.
My horse, my life.... no truer friend in the world do I have than him, my confidante, my joy, my world.
the kids were arrested, screaming and fighting the police and horrible stuff was happening but i hope thats the end of it. police asked to interview me and wanted me to identify them and go to court. really scares me the idea of them seeing me and then looking for revenge. i can't handle that so i told the police i will do all i can but i won't be exposed and seen, which they fought against but accepted grudgingly.
thank you STB for being supportive. its really good to feel like i'm ok to be here so thank you. i don't know if this is bonkers thinking but if you get a streetmap based handheld satnav (like they have in cars) and the names of places and roads, would that be any help? just trying to be creative about self protection stuff
hey mellymoo.. what you said makes complete sense to me too and its really good that you can find your feet here. Stellata is wonderful, gentle and understanding. this place feels safer than elsewhere
That's really brave of you to have first stood up to these kids and then to the police. I understand how frightening it can be, we had neighbours much the same and the fear of them seeking revenge when you stood up for yourself against them was horrible. I hope you're feeling ok now, the worst part is over *hugs*
We went for a viewing of a flat the other day, and it is so perfect (surprising you say use SatNav because I've been using google Earth to check where the places are hehe.) It's literally ten seconds away from the shopping center but also out of the way in alittle quiet road. We're just getting refrences for the owner now (who I must say was rather blunt =/ but I guess he can't be overly friendly) and starting packing everything up.
I'm quite nervous about moving now, so much worry and stress is exhausting. I had a talk to my doctor on Monday and he's going to sort out (when my new doctor sends for my notes) some support people and perhaps a support group if it's available. Which makes me feel abit better (but also terrified.)
To top things off, I've started to become more connected (I dont know if that's the right word) with a new Other, another female and she's lovely. Tries her best to calm me when I'm feeling bad, always singing lullabies to the littler ones.
I hope you're all ok, *hugs to all*
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
so good to have someone on your side! i often forget to reach out to others inside and find out what's going on for them, and the consequences can be quite unhelpful to us all so thanks for reminding me!
its good to know your doctor is rooting for you and that you have someone to take up the slack when you're having a challenging day
helpful to know that thoughts around being in a group are pretty much the same for most folks, although for us the impact can feel more powerful and scary... its good not to give a whole load out but be on 'receive' to absorb the dynamics of the group before stepping on so to speak, and that's usually expected - and encouraged with well facilitated groups
wishing you an easy move and a gentle settling in... maybe you can find a room or a special place to make your own space while all the activity is going on? put all your comfort stuff in that spot so you've got a refuge when you're feeling eeky?
i'm away for a week sniffing sea air and watching wild bunnies x
Ok, right. I just got back from an assessment thing and the guy asked if I dissociated. I said no and then he asked a few questions like; 'do you ever feel numb? Or like things are not real? Or go somewhere in you head when upset and find it hard to come back? Do you ever SI to get rid of these feelings? And I do. I do all of those things.
Not as much as I used to but I do still do them. It's like I get literally lost and swallowed by my head sort of thing and I hate it. I don't know how to come back from it. I feel sort of half there still now, I'm having to still fight it to stay with it.
Problem is, I never thought I dissociated and I'm still not sure if he was right. I though dissociation meant like, watching yourself really consciously watching yourself do things without control or having sort of separate personalities and I don't. And I wasn't sexually abused either so why would I dissociate?
Sorry, feeling pretty confused and not really too 'with it' at the moment. My head feels all scrambled.
*hugs to you*
I think dissociation has varied symptoms, the seperate personalities and watching yourself are two of a larger spectrum of dissociative symptoms. I'm glad you were able to answer your assessment questions honestly, that was very brave of you.
I have been told I suffer from some form of dissociation (awaiting assessment now) yet I have never suffered any serious sexual abuse at all. Sexual or ritualistic abuse *is* common in people who dissociate, but it isn't the same for every person, dissociation varies and I think the causes and reasons for it also varies.
I'm sorry I'm not sure I'm making much sense =/
Please take gentle care of yourself today, try to keep yourself relaxed and just take some time for things to sink in, I'm sure this is a big shock and something that will take some time to understand and get your head around.
Take care
xx
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
I dissociate pretty severely at times [look what happened to me last week...] and I've never been sexually abused.
Traumatic and abusive situations of any kind however can result in dissociation.
Basically, dissociation is a defence against unbearable feelings or events of any kind.
It can cause you to split off from yourself to survive - this might be anything from looking onto yourself and feeling really detached, to having alternate personality states that are kind of in compartments.
Why was Ella sad? I hope she's feeling better now *safe cuddles*
Ella is upset at the moment as she just found out her mum has cancer
tomorrow she is going for an op to have cancer cells removed
then she has to through other treatments
*More big safe cuddles* I'm so sorry to hear that, I'm wishing her a speedy recovery.
Cancer is a very scary thing, but it's very positive thing that this has been found and the cancer cells can be removed.
Try and take things easy, I'm sending alot of love and cuddles your way.
xxxx
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
dissociation has many different types. DID is just one form. depersonalisation, derealisation, dissociative fugue. and folks can have more than one type, one type can be dominant, one type can pop up just the once and not come back while another sticks around
main thing is the symptoms and how to handle them. diagnosis is just a treatment guide for therapists and drug prescribers (and helpful for obtaining appropriate benefits)
dissociative stuff can come from any traumatic experience. from the loss of a loved one, a shock of some kind, pretty much anything that causes overwhelming distress, and DID can occur without abuse
i reckon marlene steinberg is one of the best writers on dissociative disorders (though i hate the term 'disorder' as it suggests a muddle or something has gone wrong but i'd say dissociation is an ingenious, complex naturally occurring coping response)
wi no no wana do Ela ssad 
