I was meant to have a phone conversation with my ISVA on the 6th September but I lost my voice, but she was off sick anyway. She texted to let me know she'd be in touch. We were going to arrange a meeting for this week to go over everything but we didn't get a date confirmed, we were going to do that on the 6th.
I haven't heard from her since, but I got a text from Victim Support to say she's off sick. I rang to see how long she'd be off for and they said at least a few weeks if not longer.
The one time something is actually happening with my case and I need someone. I asked if there would be someone else taking over in the interim, bare in mind -
- my police officer is rubbish at replying to me and I didn't know when the magistrates day was, (other than "September") until the court got in touch to say it had already been and I should have known about it.
- the person from the court doesn't know whether my support is going through from their side, and will update me on the 3rd.
- I'll also get my update on how he has pleaded, on the 3rd.
And on the 3rd, I may have no one. No support, nothing. If they don't get someone for me in the interim. I may get that update phone call and have no one to talk it through with, and have to just crack on with my day.
They're meant to be phoning me tomorrow to confirm if I'll get anyone else. If not, that's it until my person is back.
I know she can't help being off sick, but this is the one time I really need someone.
if you think you know me in real life, no you don't.
I'm so sorry, Beth. They don't sound very understanding of your needs, do all the people involved know about each other and what each other is doing or not doing and what dates things are happening? I really hope the call tomorrow confirms that someone else is going to be able to support you. You don't deserve to have to go through all this alone. We are here as much as we can be, if it helps at all.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
They all know each other exist, they do not communicate with each other - so when one updates me, I then have to update the others and hope they get back in touch with me before someone else updates me with something else.
if you think you know me in real life, no you don't.
My police officer is off until 12th October (AFTER the first court date)
My ISVA may or may not be back for the court date. Most likely not.
I can call her office and someone can update me but someone I've spoken to once, or maybe never. Not someone who knows my case or has been through this whole thing supporting me.
The Section 28 (which protects me, means I may not have to do a 200 mile round trip to go to the court, means I may not have to see him, etc) we had pushed for and filled in paperwork for and applied for, never actually got applied for. So they can ask the court on the 3rd but it may not be approved because it should have been applied for in advance. And there's nothing I can do about that.
When I get my court update of how he pleaded and what happens next, I can call and speak to whoever is available but again not some who knows and not someone who will check in like she had been.
if you think you know me in real life, no you don't.
My friends are, yeah - but they don't know the system etc so it's more me telling them and them giving me hugs and distraction, not someone who can do any more than that like my ISVA's role.
My parents haven't mentioned it since I told them at the end of July. I told them the court date when I got it a few weeks ago and they asked if I wanted to drive to theirs (but that would just mean sat at their house watching tv with them, not anything else).
if you think you know me in real life, no you don't.
we dont know what to say either because it's absolute crap you aren't being given proper support and the humans handling things are not communicating properly amongst themselves.
would spending time physically being with your parents be at all helpful just so you are not alone? it's okay if not! that does sound frustrating that that's all anyone is really able to offer when you need and deserve more. :(
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
As it turns out, there is no ISVA for me at all on the day of the first court date (the one I don't need to attend, but is his initial plea hearing so I'll find out how he's pleaded and whether I will need to go to court).
On this day (3rd):
My ISVA is likely to still be off sick
The lady from her office who I spoke to over the phone in my ISVA's absence, is on annual leave until the 10th.
My police officer is on annual leave until the 12th.
If I do have to go to court to give evidence (ie, he pleads not guilty):
My ISVA cannot attend because it's in a different area (we've requested it to be near me, but they are likely to decline this)
I can have an ISVA with me but one I meet on the day, from the area the court is in, not one who has supported me the past 3 years and knows everything.
This whole thing is fucked.
if you think you know me in real life, no you don't.
I set up an email thread with all my questions with
- my ISVA
- the person I spoke to from my ISVA's office
- the person from Victim Care (the man who called me on the day of the magistrates day, to tell me it was that day), we'll call him K.
And I also said I was upset the support hadn't been requested. K replied saying he has FORWARDED IT TO MY POLICE OFFICER so she knows I'm upset about it.
If he knew ANYTHING about my case he'd know:
a) Speak to be before doing that on my behalf
b) I've already made complaints about her and things not being done. DO NOT SEND THIS TO HER WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE.
Also, she's not even bloody back until a week AFTER the initial hearing so she can't get it in place before then anyway.
if you think you know me in real life, no you don't.
