I don't really know what to do. He got away with it before so he'll get away with it again. I had a pretty bad time of it last night with flashbacks and fear despite huge quantities of sedatives so I think it's something that is going to be a recurring issue.
I just don't know what to do any more. He's pure evil. He won't leave me alone. I can't describe how intimidating he is. He's still hurting me. I'm not scared of him, I'm terrified of him. The fear is indescribable. I can't stop shaking and I can't even breathe properly. He attacked me again today.
Dbus, I'm really sorry you're struggling so much at the moment. Do you have any grounding skills which help with the flashbacks and panic attacks etc? I'm not sure if you have mentioned this at all but are you seeing a therapist or anything for the trauma you experienced? Can you keep yourself safe from.him at the momeny? Take care of hourself.
I'm struggling a little with handling flashbakcs/panics and dissociation. I recently went away for a few days and it didn't make anything much better and now I have a big long trip. Coming up where I have to act normal and.cope etc. Does any have any advice at all? I'm using all my skills etc and keeping distracted but it's hard.
Helen, well done lovely you should be really proud of yourself for making it through that.
Hope everyone is okay *offers hugs*
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
I just don't know what to do. I feel so trapped. I don't know how to get away from him and his mates. It's the fear and anxiety of waiting for the next attack that's the hardest part.
I was asked in therapy today if I had been thinking about the abuse and rape recently. I said no but that was a bit of a lie. I think about it every time I take a bath/shower because I remember washing myself clean after they had raped me and I get flashbacks to that pretty much every time I bathe.
But aside from that I've not really been thinking about it. Is that wrong? I mean, it was such a major part of my life and is responsible for a lot of the things I struggle with now... but I've not been giving it much thought.
At night the voices get worse and they say things about the abuse and show me images of it. But I try not to pay much attention to it.
My therapist said we would have to go over some of what happened in order to move forward from it but I'm scared. I'm scared if I give it too much thought the flashbacks and memories would get more intense and I won't be able to cope.
Id say tiny steps J. It took me a long time to be able to write stuff down for my counsellor. I find her reading it in front of my unbearable so I usually give it to her at end of the session and then we talk the next week. I don't think any one method works with everyone and it will be about doing what's right for you. Would writing or drawing help?
It's definitely okay not to think about it all the time, J. You lived it, and you relive it almost daily. You deserve respite and a life beyond the abuse. The fact that you have moments free from it is a sign that you have more powerful things in your life and that's amazing.
I have to agree with everyone, its more than OK to not be constantly thinking about it, you defiantly deserve respite & time away from the trauma. Not thinking about it doesn't mean its any less wrong or damaging to you, it just means (as has already been said) you have beautiful things in your life & that's something to be proud of,, I'm very proud of you <3
I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin I keep having flashbacks and memories of what happened last year even though this month would be a year sincce we escaped and I keep dissociating and losing time and I constantly want to SI and I don't. or I lose time and come back to find new cuts and I thought that getting out of that situation would mean that we'd have time to heal and get better but I'm still so paranoid and scared of everything and this month has trauma related stuff anyway and I feel like I'm falling apart and I can't handle this anymore and I don't know what to do. I want to move out of this state so bad because if I do maybe he can't find us and won't be able to do anything else to us even though since we escaped he's not contacted us at all I'm still scared of him showing up at out apartment even though he has no idea where we live and I'm so paranoid all the time and keep losing time and I know why that's happening and it's worrying that it's happening more frequently and I can't do this.
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
Sorry things are so hard Radio. Have you got any self care things that help to soothe you?
I spent the majority of my session with my counsellor dissociated and then in last 5 mins asked to leave. Not sure how I got home. Feel overly fuzzy and angry that ive wasted precious time. losing faith this will get any easier.
It makes me sad this thread has so many posts, but also warm people have a safe place to share and be heard.
Rachel - I hope you can talk about last session with your counsellor. Try not to be mad at yourself, you went and tried, that's all anyone could ask. We can't be perfect.
Dbus - That's great. I've been dreaming non-stop for weeks now and it's awful. I hope they stay away!
I didn't know where else to share but tomorrow I'm going back to my therapist for the first time in a while. I've been avoiding talking about what I disclosed but keeping it suppressed has made my mental health really poor, and the feelings/memories around the disclosure have haunted me. I'm frightened and feel so alone. I feel like I'm in such unsafe territory but I know if I don't address it, it will affect the rest of my life.
The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn't want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.
Elizabeth Gilbert
I had a strange flashback-like experience tonight and but I don't remember any of it, just that it happened and I feel more uncomfortable now than before.
It's so weird I can have thoughts half an hour ago that affect me so much and I don't remember the content.
I had a strange flashback-like experience tonight and but I don't remember any of it, just that it happened and I feel more uncomfortable now than before.
It's so weird I can have thoughts half an hour ago that affect me so much and I don't remember the content.
I know what you mean, I've been having that a lot too. I remember having nightmares but I can't remember what happened, who was there, etc but it makes me wake up but I can't remember what was going on in the dream.
