*hugs* Jessie- pain is grounding but I hope you were able to keep yourself safe or at least keep the wounds clean. I know the body can feel like failure, but they say one day it won't. I'm waiting for it too but hope you can hold on <3
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Thanks Alsnnah feel I'm suffocating in my fat. Trying to keep it together. I'm hurting so much but I'm scared people won't believe me because if my weight. I feel about to break. Sorry I'm so fat and pathetic.
Jess, you aren't fat. I know you don't believe me, but it isn't fact. I know it feels very real, and it is causing you immense distress. You mentioned the body image stuff - does that help?
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Thanks Sophia no sorry I haven't started it yet. I hate myself for being pathetic and not able to cope. My trauma therapist is back tomorrow I'm dreading it's so quick I'm supposed to be ok but I feel I can't process it all. Everything is getting on top of me. My mum is out and I have to stay in with the dog as people are coming to view the house and I have to make sure she doesn't go in the house but we can't stay out all day as I don't want to wear her out. I should be able to cope but I can't stand being with the disgust and the flashbacks in my head. I'm so useless I should be able to manage. Sorry I'm not making much sense.
It is hard to get past the hate Jessie. I'm sure your therapist doesn't just expect things to be fine- they are there to work with you from wherever you are. You're not useless- and you're trying so hard to cope. You'll find a way through
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Thanks Alannah I wish it was true the abuse therapy is extremely structured and for eating disorders support my weight is up so how can I be struggling? Just so full of hatred for my body and who I am. I'm so sorry for not contributing much x
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Thanks both of you. It was hard I have eight sessions left I'm feeling more depressed and so fat and dirty and I just want to tear myself to pieces. I'm so fat I can't look at myself in the mirror or see past the hopelessness. I'm scared I don't feel ready. I don't have the words for the hatred and fear . I feel I don't deserve treatment but I'm also scared of not being able to cope. I'm sorry I'm making no sense x
*hugs* you deserve it Jessie. Can you talk to your therapist about what comes after the sessions are up?
I know for me doing that with my counsellor helped me to feel a lot more settled
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Just so exhausted. My eating disorders nurse was so kind I really don't deserve it. I wish I felt in control of my body and the fat and I'm so ashamed. I'm very lucky she took my depression seriously and is referring me to their outpatient doctor. I really don't deserve such kindness. I'm sorry I just feel swamped and hopeless. Sorry to moan x
*hugs* You do deserve it Jessie. You deserve the support as long as you need it <3
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Thanks that means a lot. It's started I have eight sessions left and twenty eight with my eating disorders nurse. I'm just really struggling with depression I feel so hopeless and bleak. I'm scared I'm trapped in my body. Sorry I'm making no sense x
It makes sense Jessie- just take things one day at a time. It's awful feeling trapped- I feel it too. You're not alone
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
I just feel so hopeless. Mum has given me bigger meals the last two days and my weight has gone up. I'm ashamed to say it. It feels like I'm being strangled and like my body will never feel like mine x
Bigger meals are always hard to deal with, but your body needs it physically and to help your mind fight. It feels so impossible and I know I struggle too with this but everyone says by eating you can take back control. I know they don't fix everything but could an anti-anxiety or depression med help while you are working through so much trauma?
Sending you love <3
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Thanks Hun I see my eating disorders nurse tomorrow as she had to move my appointment and also my trauma therapist. I'm crawling out my skin with the fat. I need to make it stop. Sorry I'm making no sense .
