really struggling to cope at the moment, would be better if i was dead.
i feel so ashamed and dirty and i can feel them touch/hurting me all the time, at the time i dont no whats real and whats just memories cause it all feels so real.
just want to curl up and die
im sorry
Ooooh! Just caught up on posts Jo! So so so soooooo sooo so proud of you. :) You did so good telling nice lady! <3 Such a strong girl. ^_^ Know it's hard hun but you did so good and you made my night so much better when I read that. <3 And the locks... That's great too! You're doing it Jo... You're getting away. You're being strong. You really truly absolutely are amazinggg! <3 I'm super proud. Hehe... sorry I so excited... :3 But came to check on you and I'm super glad that you were able to call. Eventually you'll be able to tell nice lady all of it. Just keep trying. You're doing great. :) <3 *super duper big amazing safe hugs and cuddles for you* :)
When You're at the End of Your Rope...
Tie a Knot... And Hold On... <3
Settle precious, I know what you're going through,
Minutes before you got here, I was going to jump too...
When you're fifteen and someone tells you they love you,
You're gonna believe them.....
I'll try to be extraordinary for you all...
I'll try to be perfect...
Why...? People should really ask more often... </3
why dont i feel strong...i just feel useless and a failure.
im not coping well just harmed self but feel i need to do more.
just not in a good place right now
sorry i letting you all down
*curls up*
youre not letting us down hun.
*picks you up and snuggles you gently*
yes, try and call the nice lady again.
have you got a doctors appointment scheduled?
look in the mirror to remind yourself that no one is hurting you right now
keep fighting Jo
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
just want to die, i cant do it anymore hurts, hurts so much.
her friend came again today, did stuff hurt me again. caroline sorry the nice lady rang just as she was leaving....i was crying when i answered the phone,she new cause she just said youve been hurt havent you? she said she be with me in half an hour and that my locks were being done too.
i did eventually tell her most of what she did but it was so hard and i was trying to curl up and hide cause i was bleeding bad, didnt want her to see how dirty and disgusting i am.
got to see the special doctor tomorrow and i dont want too, i cant. they will see how bad and dirty i am.
just want it all to be over.
Jo, you are not dirty or bad. Your sister is, and her friends. Im SO glad you have the nice lady, and that she came over. I'm glad your locks are being changed, thats a step in the right direction. After they are changed, dont ever let in any onf the people who have hurt you. I'm glad you talked to the nice lady. Please hun, try to ignore all the thoughts shouting at you that you are bad, dirty, deserve this, etc. Keep fighting. Keep opening up. Keep reaching out for help. Keep taking steps to get yourself safe from everyone.
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
IM SCARED
im scared of how i feel and what im doing to myself.
im scared about having to see the special doctor tomorrow.
im scared about her friend coming back and not being able to get in and my sister finding out.
im scared of the pain im feeling from today
just so people know jo is strugglign so much more than she is letting on
she feels like she is being selfish by posting
can we reassure her she isnt please
x
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
Jo, you're not being selfish at all by posting here. Please keep posting, we want to be here for you. :)
I know those things are scary. Can you try to talk to the nice lady about those things, especially the locks being changed? We need to make sure you are safe hun. And it can be scary going to a doctor, just remember they want to help you.
*leaves snuggles* so proud of you
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
Jo, you're doing amazingggg! I just wanted to drop in before I go to bed and tell you how proud I am of you. I know your struggling but you're truly wonderful. ^_^
*give you safe hug and snuggles you*
When You're at the End of Your Rope...
Tie a Knot... And Hold On... <3
Settle precious, I know what you're going through,
Minutes before you got here, I was going to jump too...
When you're fifteen and someone tells you they love you,
You're gonna believe them.....
I'll try to be extraordinary for you all...
I'll try to be perfect...
Why...? People should really ask more often... </3
supposed to be seeing special doctor soon, dont want to see her .
im dirty and disgusting, cant get clean keep scrubbing with detergents but cant get clean.
cant cope no more.
im scared im sorry im sorry
please let me die
*curls up trembling*
*picks you up and holds you gently*
hun, youre not dirty. not at all.
how did the appointment with the doctor go?
hang in there Jo, you've taken some big steps and you're doing great.
You have the right to live safely without being hurt by anyone.
It's ok to be scared. Let it be a chance for you to show some more bravery.
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
*snuggles into your arms* its been a horrible day.
seeeing the doctor was awful i had severe flashbacks during the internal examinations and they hurt so bad, i had to have stitches from the damage her friend caused yesterday.
the whole ordeal left me feeling so vile and triggered i went to my special place, where i was going to end it but a friend stopped me.
now at home but not coping well.
*wraps arms round you gently*
glad you didnt end it hun
the abuse can stop
you dont have to go through this any more
sorry you had to get stitches but glad youre getting taken care of
keep talkin to the nice lady, get yourself safe from everyone before your sister comes home
sorry if this isnt as clear as it could be, my brains not entirely working
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
*relaxes in your arms*
why dont i feel glad i didnt end it?
is it really abuse? the dr kept saying that word today, i just wondered who she was talking about.
still finding it so hard to talk to the nice lady about what theyve done to me, i feel so ashamed and disgusting.
*snuggles*
its normal, though not easy, to have mixed emotions about this stuff, specially when it involves family
yes, it is most definitely abuse. i wish it wasnt, that they never did any of those things to you. no one has the right to touch you anywhere private without your willing consent. no one ever has the right to hurt you by causing you to bleed, need stitches, leave bruises, etc. thats abuse too.
youre not disgusting hun, the people who are doing this to you are.
feeling something (emotions) doesnt make it true.
there will be better days than today, someday this will all be behind you
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
you did nothing wrong. nothing you ever do could ever justify what she did.
i cant say for sure why she did it, but i can say she is very selfish, evil, and some other words i cant think of right now. she's the one in the wrong, not you.
try to take care of yourself hun, follow whatever directions the doctor gave you
maybe try to sleep soon, is getting late where you are
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
