My mum knows everthing now. My counseller told her today. Just thought id let you know im alive and ok. I was really ill last night. But im not too bad today. Iv been doing some thinking i dont wanna be this person anymore. I want the real me back. Over time im gonna work on getting my self better.
Thats so good to hear.
deciding to get better is so much harder than giving up.. I'm glad you've decided to work for it.
*huge hugs*
Half Psychotic Sick Hypnotic We sat and waited for the sea
To stretch out so that we could disappear
Into the endlessness of blue Into the horror of the truth We are far less than we knew
Ian,
Im understand you didnt want your mum to know but it is good that you counsellor told your mum, this can only help you move forward. i am so glad to hear your alive and ok, glad your feeling a little better.
Thats great that youve been doing some thinking, thats wonderfull that you dont wanna be the ill person anymore and want to get better.
You deserve to have the real you back and you will find him.
You take what time you need ian to get better RYL is here for you all the way.
Dave
" Use only that which Works, and take it from any place you find it" Im Honoured My RYL Sons are :)Atlantica, ,Saint of Misery, Stevevaijr
My Adoptee :)S_Pod live help
Probably gonna think what a waste of time but i dont feel so good. Cant help feeling like giving up and perhaps i should just die. I have harldy any friends and the ones that said they would be there for me have either left me or couldnt give a shit it seems. I keep thinking maybe its best i m not here. Just seems like a good idea to me. Oh well never mind. I give up. So much for trying what a waste of time. Ps sorry to go on and that. Im just really pissed off with people when they promise to be my friend and support me and then they just leave me or hurt me. It pisses me off it really does. I get pissed of with people who dont listen to me aswell like my friends at college. (Please note) This is not aimed at anyone on here so please dont get offended. Iv had so many people do this to me and people still do it now. Im fed up with people using me and treating me like crap. Iv recently changed my hair iv put blond highlights in it but now im put off because my friend at college keeps taking the piss all the time calling me a dumb blond he is messing around but i cant cope with that at the moment i really cant but he turns around and says oh you cant take a joke. Well im sorry but i can take a fucking joke but i am not being treated like shit. I wanted these blonde highlights as i wanted a change. Is that so bloody bad for god sake! Why do i get treated like crap i know its not just me who does but for fuck sake its really is pissing me off. I just want some decent friends who care about me and respect me is that too much to ask? But saying that i have one every special person in my life i love her very much and she is so lovely. Oh fuck it i give up! im sorry im just annoying everyone on here maybe its time to go? im a crap friend myself.
"sorry its long please read it take your time but i mean every word"
Ian,
Mate, no one here is going to think your a waste of time i certainly dont. Its understandable you still feel bad its not going to all change overnight it takes time.
I hear you about wanting to give up, hugs, please dont mate youve made a major step forward already by deciding that you want to change and that you dont want to be this ill person. I hope you are still getting the support you need outside RYL, but remembere we are still here for you ar RYL and will be to support you while you get better.
Please dont die mate,
I hear you about right now not having hardly any friends, i have one friend outside ryl and my only other friends are right here in RYL. Listen Ian friends do sometimes let you down .
But true friends those that count wouldnt let you down . They didnt give a shit mate because they didnt care enough about you they arnt worthy to be your friends. Please be patient and find some good friends who do care about you, and like you for who you are and do not make judgements about your appearance.
Dont let these shit friends drag you down mate they are rubbish and there is no reason for you to end your life because of them. Please be strong and know that you dont need these leeches these ignorant wasters. You are so much better than them and you will find better friends be patient.
Please dont give up now friend youve just moved forward and taken a big step dont let them shits pull you down.
Dont appologise for going on , RYL is here for you to express yourself mate. I understand you being pissed off when so called friends promise to be your friend. And support you and then just leave you, but remember ian they dont deserve your friendship they are the bad people here not you you have nothing to blame yourself over. Please try and take your time to find some friends who genuinly care about you. I know how hard it is to start again and find new friends especially when youve been let down. Ian i was bullied by my so called best friend on and off for 4 years
hes really screwed me up and me being able to learn to trust in others will take along time .
Im sorry your friends dont listen to you , your friends at college are they real friends ian doesnt sound like it to me, look after yourself, get rid of these bad friends and find yourself friends who listen to you, accept you as you are , there are friends out there. Please dont just keep putting up with the bad friends get rid of them.
I m sorry people have treated you so bad, and using you and made you feel crap, you dont deserve that. Its great youve decided to change your appearance. And putting blonde highlights in your hair sounds great, good for you in doing what you want to do.
Well im sorry your so called friends have been calling you a dumb blond, they clearly are no friends at all mate and you should tell them to go to hell, i know you can take a joke the same as anybody else. But ian it sounds like they are bullying you and because you choose to be an individual bt changing your appearance they dont like it. Well tuff get rid of the friends Ian stay awy from them and find some new friends. They are not your friends .
Its bloody great that you want to change your appearance you are confident in yourself enough to be different you deserve a change tell them to go to hell .
I know your probably not the only one who gets treated that way but listen the longer you hang around thes crap friends who enjoy insulting you the harder it will be. Be strong mate and sever the ties between you and these shit friends keep your distance and try not to give them a chance to have a go.
Its not to much to ask to have decent friends mate, sometimes we have to search for them but please dont give up, and please dont accept scond best as in staying with the shit friends you only give them more chance to pull you down.
its so good Ian to hear you say you have one very special person in your life, and thast you love her very much, im so happy you have her.
hold onto her mate and grow stronger and dump these shit friends straight away, dont give up mate not now .
You are not annoying everyone on here not at all its wonderfull mate that you have been able to express yourself on here well done
we are here for you mate dont forget that and dont you give up ok
Dave
Last edited by bleedingdragon : 13-10-2007 at 09:59 AM.
Reason: spelling mistake
" Use only that which Works, and take it from any place you find it" Im Honoured My RYL Sons are :)Atlantica, ,Saint of Misery, Stevevaijr
My Adoptee :)S_Pod live help
Honestly im ready to give up right now. Id like to say that your fantastic david and that your support means alot to me. You are also special to me as not many people would accept me like you have. I feel like changing my hair back to what it was just to keep them happy. But i swear if they keep all on at me im going to shout at them. Im ready to give up.
Thats a good idea il give up right now. Why should i keep fighting when it seems like im not getting anywhere? il just give up now save everyone the bother of wasting there time on me.
Hey Ian, i'm glad things got slightly better, and i'm sad they got worse again
I hope you don't do anything, and i hope you feel better soon. I'm a little low on advice at the moment, i haven't even been on here in ages, so i'm sorry. Please just be safe mate.
On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
sorry im still staying here im not leaving just not in a good place tonight. thanks Dan mate. Feel like buying loads of pills and taking the all why not. good idea or bad? good idea to me. My counseller has said to me that im showing syptoms of personality disorder. She hasnt diagnosed me with it though.
please dont say goodbye you have so much to live for and time to start getting your life back mate.
Ian thankyou for talking with me on Msn and i understand how you feel please stay strong and try not to let these so called friends bully you anymore. Keep your distance if you can from them, try and talk with a teacher or a counsellor. Dont give up mate im here for you and so is RYL.
Please check out the mental health forum mate for personality disorders to give you some understanding of what they are about, and even the bullying forum if you can to give you an understanding of bully behaviours.
It was so good to talk with you on Msn mate you please hold on Ian
and allow me and others here to help you.
Dave
" Use only that which Works, and take it from any place you find it" Im Honoured My RYL Sons are :)Atlantica, ,Saint of Misery, Stevevaijr
My Adoptee :)S_Pod live help
Ian depending on whats wrong if its serious and your afraid your going to do something DONT HANG AROUND get help straight away RING SOMEONE
get outside support please
maybe come back and say what it is , why arent you in a good way
have you ODed ?
help us to understand if you have ODed get immediate help call an ambulance ok
Dave
" Use only that which Works, and take it from any place you find it" Im Honoured My RYL Sons are :)Atlantica, ,Saint of Misery, Stevevaijr
My Adoptee :)S_Pod live help
Ian it does matter i wouldnt be posting on here for you would i
i want to help and understand im glad its not an OD please tell me what it is mate
Dave
" Use only that which Works, and take it from any place you find it" Im Honoured My RYL Sons are :)Atlantica, ,Saint of Misery, Stevevaijr
My Adoptee :)S_Pod live help
I just cant cope i really cant do this anymore. I wanna die. I cant do this anymore. Iv given up fighting. Why should i fight when there is no point. I might aswell just go and die. Its too much for me its too for everyone on here. So the best thing is to die. Scum like me doesnt matter anyway.
Ian mate,
I hear you about saying you just cant cope, and want to die, and cant do this anymore. Hugs mate.
Right now please get that extra outside support weve all told you about especially if you cant cope anymore Ian . Ring your A & E and talk to someone now mate, or your local Drs emergency out of hours telephone numb.
Ian there is allways a point in carrying on, i dont want you to just go and die mate no one does, we want you to talk to someone else right away.
Ian you certainly arnt scum no way, please dont say that about yourself.
Ian get hold of someone right now to talk to about how you are feeling
please do and come back to us and tell us what they said.
Dave
" Use only that which Works, and take it from any place you find it" Im Honoured My RYL Sons are :)Atlantica, ,Saint of Misery, Stevevaijr
My Adoptee :)S_Pod live help
Ian please dont do anything to hurt yourself.
It really has got to the time to reach out now. Its really good you felt more positive the other day. Sorry you are feeling bad again.
There are a lot of people who care about you, me included, so please stop posting goodbye posts. Instead talk to us and tell us what is going on. Saying goodbye just worries people, and we're going round in circles.
whhat has made you feel like this tonight? Is there any distraction that works well for you when you feel low? maybe make a hot drink, and watch some tv or a favourite film? Or stay here talking to people if itl get you thru.
look after yourself ian xxx
"If only everyone could know and live with their inner craziness…people would be fairer and happier." Paulo Coelho
Look at me i think im just going back to where i was before. But look at me im just pissing everyone off and going round in circles. Maybe leaving is a good idea afterall.
