write a letter to her?
that way you get the emotions out and you can review and re-write it if after sleeping on it, it appears too harsh or makes you sound.... different to how you want to sound.
mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
When I was younger I had made up my mind that if I was ever cheated on, that would be it. He would be out of my life forever. Then it actually happened and I decided to try and make things work between us despite everything.
I can't say it was easy or that I don't still feel pain from time to time because of it. I also can't say I fully trust him. Its been 3 years and we're still together and in that time SO much has changed. I don't regret staying with him for a second. In fact we just got married last weekend.
So to answer your questions. I don't think you are weak for staying and trying to work things out....in many situations I think that actually requires more strength than to just leave. I would probably do the same. I have learned over time that even the most major events in life are minor in the grand scheme of things and are not worth throwing away a relationship that may very well be worth the extra work to save.
Can you get past this? If you want to and he is committed to earning back your trust, there is no doubt in my mind that you can. I can't say for sure that you will forget it. Chances are it will be in your memory forever. I can say that there will come a time where when you think about it, it won't hurt every time. It will enter your mind and leave again just like all memories without disrupting all your emotions. At least that is what has happened for me. It has taken a lot of time but it has been worth it.
Thank you, I have alot of new found respect for people in situations such as yours inblack. I'm finding new things out everyday, about me and him, about myself personally, about life in general.
I'm ok. I think.
It was my Birthday yesterday, and We had a good day.
Then this morning, I see his phone and I have to look right? Got to check.
I've become that woman I have always hated. Paranoid, clingy, awful.
He IS trying, SOOO hard to make this ok. I know that.
Until this termination is carried out, I can't move forward and more than anything that is sincerely annoying.
Irritating that we get so far and there is a wall there which stops us moving further.
I want us to move on, and start getting over it. Getting passed it.
Getting to a point where we are happy and comfortable and she doesn't come up every ****ing day.
She is inside my head, and she will be until he cuts her out.
I understand why he can't do that right now, but it doesn't make it any easier to swallow.
Love you all, trying to stay positive!
Going out for dinner with my Aunt tonight so hopefully a few laughs to be had.
Kisses,
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
I've had a complete positivity failure today.
I don't think she'll do it. She thinks if she does she gets him back but she's not stupid. She can see he's not there with her, mentally or emotionally.
She's not dumb, by any stretch of the imagination.
I'm not hanging on today, I'm letting the bad in and I think I need to just for a bit.
I would like a day without any of it. A day where she doesn't crop up. Where she doesn't turn up in my life somehow and ruin everything again.
I want her ****ing gone.
ASAP.
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
He's with her now.
And although I understand why, it doesn't make it any easier to swallow it all the time. This situation is far stranger than I had imagined.
And I'm constantly in a battle with myself. And I'm really bored of it now.
Most of me is in love, and when he's here and she's out in the world somewhere getting on someone elses nerves, I'm happy! Genuinely!
Then it all comes crashing down around my ears again.
And yes, this is so repetitive I'm not surprised you're all getting bored with this. But this is harder than I ever imagined. I never for a moment thought this would be the easy option but my god!
I thought I was getting there, y'know? Building a life for myself, getting out of all of the horrid cycles I had been in and making a future I never thought I could have before! All of the dreams I had ever kept alive were coming true and I'm determined not to lose them now over some dumb mistake.
Blech, I don't have anything left to say.
Thanks again everyone, you're life savers.
Love love,
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
*hugs* i'm not bored. i understand why you're so unhappy with him being around her. i couldn't imagine how jealous i'd feel knowing that had happened. but know he loves you and that he's trying to make it right. hang in there.
God Iz you don't need to aplologise, it's heart wrenching just reading how painful this is, so it must be unimaginable living through it. All I can say is, don't give up, and don't feel bad about how hard this is.
Sending you hugs and support
Ginny x
Play the game out
Amor Vincit Omnia
Dad 10/11/2008 Always our sunshine, I'm still playing for the town hall clock
I feel like I'm saying thanks alot and not doing much else around here.
I promise when my head clears a little I will be more useful! lol.
So I had a strangely paranoid evening last night. He didn't answer his phone all night, calls texts nowt. Now a normal woman (I remember her, she seems like a distant memory) would have just thought oh, he must have put it somewhere, is really busy at work, can't hear it, whatever.
Not me! Oh no, I full on breakdown and cry. Like a small child.
On my own, in my living room, then in bed, then at 2am I still can't get in touch with him and I fall asleep.
So we spoke a little while ago and I shouted a bit.
He left his phone in his office downstairs and was working all night in the bar upstairs. Fine! That's all I needed to know. And I do believe him.
All I needed was a quick reassuring call to tell me he was busy and couldn't find his mobile. So not a problem! Could have just let me know.
So I texted him a moment ago: "I'm likely to be very irrational, very illogical, for a very long time. I'm going to over-react and get very paranoid all of the time for now. It's just an unfortunate consequence of what I'm going through at the moment x"
He makes it very hard to be angry: "It's ok baby, just want you to know that from now til forever I am here for you and will take all your fears away eventually"
Bugger :P
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
So I don't hear from my Husband for two days. Making the obvious conclusion that he is in Brighton with her getting this all, erm, sorted? Awful way of putting it.
WRONG! He spent 48 hours having to talk to her about 'options'. Now they've been through this a gazillion times. She doesn't want this baby, he doesn't want this baby. Get rid love!
Long story short, she's still pregnant and I have to go through the agoiny of all of this again during their next appointment NEXT tuesday.
I spent this tuesday throwing up and crying.
Went to bed at 9 with a migraine.
I just want all of this out. Done. Finito.
He came over last night and we cried. Again. It's all I seem to do.
He tells me all the time he loves me, he'll always be my Husband and I'll never lose him. He says he loves being at home, feeling like he is where he should have been all along and wants to be from now until he dies.
He is such a mess and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.
Then he telle me she said that if he ****s her over after this, she'll kill him!
He needs to be honest, after next tuesday if he has to go through this again; I think there may be no holding the truth back from her. He can't take anymore, his whole life is suffering and he's almost over the edge.
I can't watch him hurt, and then hurt twice. It's killing me.
Guess my marriage is looking rockier than ever!
Love you all, thank you for thinking of me it is GREATLY appreciated.
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
