Eurgh *wanders in* I have a horrible sore throat :( and that is the last time I let people stay at my house. My parents are coming home in about an hour or two and I have to tidy the whole house because my friend last night was not considerate enough to not drop baccy on my living room floor! And my friends always leave me loads of fricking washing up!! I don't usually mind but considering I feel really ill today :( I think I have a cold coming on and it's the first stages that leave me so weak when my throat hurts, I feel sick, and I just have no energy and it goddamned sucks! Sorry for the moan :(
anywho, Sarah, I hope you were able to stave off the urges :)
Tig - good luck with the Crisis Team if you see them.
Ferret - I'm sorry you are feeling the urge **hugs** (awesome avatar btw)
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
I'm just feeling ill and having a bad day which done help!
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
Sorry can't reply to you all, really shattered. Thanks for all your support today :)
Spoke to Doctor. I've got glandular fever which is affecting my liver and very low ferritin levels or something so maybe a blood transfusion. Crisis team came out and were helpful too.
x
My online shopping arrived, which made me happy. However, this morning I freaked out and was convinced that the noises I heard in the flat (my friend having a shower) was my hallucinations coming to get me. Blergh.
Hope everyone's feeling ok this morning xxx
Last edited by 14MillionMiles : 21-07-2010 at 08:24 PM.
Reason: Not safe
Whatever Happened to our Inner Glow?
<3 Sarah, My brilliant, beautiful, RAWR little sis
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
I'm really struggling atm...
Last night I was at my friend's house and I purged for the first time since February... I think. I freaked out when she told me that amount of calories per slice of bread. I had 3. Plus butter. Plus Nutella (on one). So I freaked. Before that I went on her trampoline at 1 in the morning to try and work it off. That didn't end to well, as it was dark, and halfway through trampolining I thought I heard my friend call my name, but she didn't cos she wasn't in the garden, or anywhere near me.
It ended with my friends having to come down to the end of the garden to get me because I heard rustling all around me, as though someone was walking through tall grass, and I could feel people watching me, even though I couldn't see them.
Plus I accidentally scratched my throat with my nail... So a bit of blood came up too :/
Not a good last 24 hours for me.
I've currently been drinking loads to fill my hunger because I just don't want to eat.
Im starting to wonder what if i dont get better, the nerve in my leg is getting better but in return my backs went and it now hurting all the time, i struggle to stand for more than 10 mins, or to even stand. Nothing else anyone can do.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
Mari have they tried everything? Mu mum's been in a fair bit of trouble with her back for the past few years; cortisol injections helped for a bit, and then she had the vertebrae that were causing the problem fused (they'd prolapsed and were sitting on the nerve, which buggered both the left leg and right arm). Made things alot better, she needs maintenance ops every few years on the disks which helps, so she's mobile now. Will never be a spring chicken, but is much better than she was!
Sorry for the splurge, and obviously I don't know what your situation is, but I thought maybe there might be something more they could try? Don't give up! xx
Whatever Happened to our Inner Glow?
<3 Sarah, My brilliant, beautiful, RAWR little sis
sorry I've not been around, mixture of reasons, (my partner has been playing his game alot, and I've just been feeling blegh).
there are so many posts to catch up on, I'll just offer my support to everyone, (sorry cant see straight to write more for the tears)
things not good...got trig last night by eastenders....
got a letter from the home treatment team on Saturday, was only able to ring them back today, and it went really bad. the woman i spoke to said that when my partner rang last week to cancel the app, that he was canceling it all, this wasn't the case as i was in the room to, so she must of not been listening. i explained that I'm unable to get public transport due to my problems and that i can only get a lift once a fortnight, she said that there was no way they would come to me and that i would have to make a commitment to it. i felt really bad when i got off the phone and have left it that i will get back in contact, don't think I'm going to bother though, as i don't see how it will help.
am thinking about paying for some therapy (even though i cant really afford it), as I'm not getting the help and therapy from anywhere else. cant see for the tears now so will go.....
I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed
Get along with the voices inside of my head
You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath
And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy
Hi all. I'm alternating between extreme highs and lows today, something that hasn't happened for awhile. My dad just keeps berating everything i do and i just can't cope with it anymore. I am also in the frame of mind where my rabbit is having a crappy life because my parents won't let me have another rabbit for her to have her own kind. Which just depresses me even more. I'm just so fed up.
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
Beccy, hope ur feeling a bit better? Take care petal. I promise, you're a fab rabbit mum, and this swinging of moods is just that; it'll go away eventually. It's not "in" you.
Ali, do you have a GP you could talk to? Or any other "official" outlet for your service providers that you could talk about your concerns with? They sound a bit like mine; you need someone on your side, or at least someone you can talk to. Could you send a letter to the CMHT about what's going on and cc your dr or someone else in health that you can trust?
I'm up and down today. Went to supermarket, bought binge food, tools and medical supplies. Got a few strange looks at checkout. Convinced friends hate me (because they didn't text me today); I know it's the BPD talking but doesn't make it much better.
Blargh.
Whatever Happened to our Inner Glow?
<3 Sarah, My brilliant, beautiful, RAWR little sis
Ev - Thanks for the lovely message :). I'm feeling mentally better, physically I feel like crap. and to visualise this distress as being external to me really helps :) thank you.
Getting weird looks at the checkout always sucks :( and it is definately the BPD talking. Hoping you will feel better tomorrow. Stay safe **hugs** xx
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
Rowie ~ I'm glad that you had a nice time, yay for you. xx
Beccy ~ sorry to hear that your struggling, i know the feeling of high/low, I'm like it all the time, (although my highs aren't that high). I'm sure your a wonderful bunny mum. glad your feeling mental better. take care. xx
Ev ~ thank you for the kind message. i am going to talk to my gp on friday when i see him, I'm going to ask about being referred to the ed clinic, hopefully he will. i do see a psych, but not as often as I'd like (he has a very full list), so getting app can be tricky. i haven't been offered anything else apart from this course on what my problem is and how to manage it, (explained the issue with that in last post). i really feel like i need something as I'm really not coping.
it is the bpd talking, glad that you can see that but i know it still hurts. take care. xx
this evening i really went low, i got very upset and had a good cry. I'm fed up with being this way and want the help to get better (but i am scared, as I've been ill for so long now that i cant remember what it feels like to be 'normal'), and part of me is scared of getting better.
I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed
Get along with the voices inside of my head
You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath
And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy
Oh Charlie. How are you doing? Please don't feel responsible or anything like that, it is, in the end, his choice, damaging as it may be. You can only be there for him (while looking after yourself!)
I'm here if you need me xxx
Whatever Happened to our Inner Glow?
<3 Sarah, My brilliant, beautiful, RAWR little sis
I'm in bits today anyway, I can't face leaving the house. And now they're going to discharge me (even though last time they cancelled the appointment with 2 hours to go) without seeing me after the initial assessment.
I was seeing someone privately, but the money ran out.
Oh god, I'm in a state now. In tears, and alone, and feeling awful. I've got a GP's appointment on Friday but it's not with my normal dr but with a replacement, so I don't feel like I can tell him/her anything. I just need more meds, and stitched looking at.
I just want to disappear today
Whatever Happened to our Inner Glow?
<3 Sarah, My brilliant, beautiful, RAWR little sis
