I'm so lucky to have you. I love that you text every morning, I love that you go out of your way to spend time with me, I love that you make me feel safe, I love that you make me laugh... I'm falling for you.
You are incredibly sweet, and nice and funny, and I know that most people don't see it because you're not exactly popular.
And I could fall in love with you, and it'd be so much easier because I could tell people about it, I could talk to my friends and have them sceming up about setting us up or something like that, and I could tell you and it could be nice and perfectly normal. And you deserve that someone tells you that they love you. You derve someone telling you how sweet and nice you are.
But I don't. I don't fall in love with you, because I already love someone else who hardly looks at me, and who I can never tell, and who breaks my heart everytime I see her.
And yes. Her. It's a girl. And I can't tell anyone, and I feel wrong and scared because I know that I live in a world where it's still not completely accepted, even in the "modern world".
I wish I could choose with whom to fall in love, because it would be so much easier than this.
Sometimes you just need someone to show they care that much, and to be here to show it.
Someone who just doesn't push it.
"Be nice. Think happy thoughts. Champion silver linings. Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens) & when you do love - love like they do in power ballads (you know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair and your eyes shut, knowing you'll never know love like this). Watch out for dog poo. Smile at people - even grumpy ones. Remember anything is possible & whatever you do always try to look on the bright side."
For once in your life, try to see how things are from my view.
Try to imagine (even though you can't possibly) what you did to me.
Try to wrap your brain around how you hurt me.
I don't think I can do it anymore. I can't help thinking that all this was a mistake.
I need a psych appointment but I can't make myself get a GP appoinment so I can have one.
I am a mess.
The world is just illusion always trying to change me.
You will find wonder wherever you can, and spread joy whenever you are able.
I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, divide within me. - Frankenstein.
Wow what a family I've got.
They actually believe that I made up that my (ex)dad and Troy fucking raped me for months! Who would do that?!?!!? I'm not a insanely cruel person and I never have been! Who could even begin to make up the reactions to it and everything? Just because it took me so long to get even some of the memories back and just because I had a voice in my head for a little while b/c i didn't want any memories coming back at all...that doesn't fucking mean that I'm some crazy little bitch who likes to ruin everyone's lives that she possibly can! Geez what a great family.
Another day - Another play - Mold the clay
Straighten it out -Make it lay - Breathe upon the living creature Lungs burn - Heart pumps - Fingers twitch - Becomes alive -
I'm not crazy. I'm NOT!
Just because i couldn't remember any of it at all for like 2 years doesn't mean it didn't happen!
And just because he was so drunk that he didn't recognize me and can't remember anything from those nights doesn't mean it didn't happen!!!!
Why does everyone believe a drunk over me?!?!?!?!?
Yeah. Thanx dad...aren't you just a great father. ha. what a joke.
And Seth just keeps saying I'm selfish and betraying you.
And people that know that you were sexually abused are like oh no he couldn't do that if it had already happened to him and he knew how much it hurt. well guess what it did you stupid bitches! He did rape me he did! And yeah it wasn't just him, but at least when Troy wasn't doing that too me he was an amazing father too me! Yes thats right I count Troy as my father!
Fuck You All Too HELL.
Another day - Another play - Mold the clay
Straighten it out -Make it lay - Breathe upon the living creature Lungs burn - Heart pumps - Fingers twitch - Becomes alive -
I can't believe I was actual going to do that...I can't believe I was actually going to kill myself. Wow. I am so much more messed up then I had even guessed. God help me please...
Another day - Another play - Mold the clay
Straighten it out -Make it lay - Breathe upon the living creature Lungs burn - Heart pumps - Fingers twitch - Becomes alive -
