I don't recognise you anymore. At all. You're just like them, and it's pissing me off to no end.
I can't believe you turned into such a ****. Suck up. And to go as far as that? ****ing hell, are you blind?! You didn't even have the decency to say hello last time, let alone have a conversation. Whatever. **** you, and **** them. You gotta know when something ends.
J-
I feel so crap.
I came so close to sh today.
I need you here.
I need you to make the pain go away.
I know I'm not meant to rely on someone else to keep me going.
It's not fair on either of us.
But you make me so happy.
I just want to feel that happiness again.
It feels like you're the only good thing right now.
I know there's more...I just can't see it.
Help me.
Everything was so positive.
And I want it back that way.
I love you so much it's unreal x
Shut the **** up! I'm so sick of your lies. Everytime I'm with you I want to tell you that we're done, that I am done with you and all of your ****. But I care too much to hurt you.
Something about you completely disgusts me. I don't know what it is. Is it your affinity to comfort and food? Or your *something*. There's that something I can't name. Maybe it's because we're from such different backgrounds. You were born into a life of comfort, in a wealthy country where having all those things you think are the norm is more than I could've ever dreamed of. Lessons of Pain were normal to me. That innate instinct for survival, independence and sturdiness. We could never afford to worry about the petty things you do.
Maybe it's that naivety. This whole I'll sit there under the covers with marshmallows and chocolate in my PJs watching crap movies, thinking it'll make you feel better.
It makes me hate you. Your greed. Your..comfortableness. I hate you wanting comfort when that's all you've had all your life. When you've never actually felt the cold hard stones of reality.
You disgust me.
-I wish I could communicate better, I just can't seem to say what I need to to keep our friendship going. You are the best friend I've ever had, and it hurts to think I'm screwing up and pushing you away with my silence. I don't want to end up alone and friendless.
-Why in the world did you lie to me? We were friends and you KNOW I liked you, I told you so, and you lied to me then broke my heart by getting married a few months later. If you had just told the truth, if you hadn't been so idiotic, it would've been better I could've distanced myself. I thought you were one of the good guys, then you lied and acted like nothing happened. And after everything I still want you to be happy and healthy.
Doesn't really matter what you wear/ Let the people stare/ Cause we are who we are who we are/ Doesn't really matter what car you drive/ It's good to be alive/ We are who we are who we are/ Tell me baby do I look the real thing/ Or would you change the color of my eyes/ Tell me why my television's filling me with lies
I'm scared you don't love me as much as I love you.
I thought I'd found someone that was finally equal with me, not too much but not too little either.
But you've seemed so distant.
Maybe it's just because you're away having fun...and I'm stuck at home...so I'm obviously gunna miss you more.
I love and miss you more than words could explain xxxxxxxxxx
I gave myself to you physically and mentally. Darling, I can't stand how much I feel for you. But I don't trust these feelings. You're on the other side of the country.. every time I have to say goodbye to you I want to... explode or something.
I think I'm in love with you. Crazily, deeply and... utterly. I want to tell you every time you say something funny. Or sweet. Or just... youish. Funny, isn't it? I mean, I'm fifteen... and you're the only one I can see myself with in the future. Every time I close my eyes a memory comes back. Of the times when we were together, even if they didn't last forever.
And that's the craziest thing. Every time I do see you I know that in a couple of days we'll have to say goodbye again. I know you hate seeing me cry... so I'm sorry I break down every time you get on that coach. I saw the tears in your eyes too.
Remember the first time you met me? You cried on the day you had to leave... even locked yourself in the bathroom of that hotel room. I remember that I held you so tight because I couldn't stand to let you go.
I have loved you since the first day I met you. But how can I be sure that I don't love you more than you love me? How can I be sure that I'm not just kidding myself. You don't know about half of the things I've got hidden in my head. I'd kill to tell you more than just, "It's manic depression." I wish I could explain to you that some days I can't even drag myself out of bed.
Darling, I love you. I love your cheese obsession. I love your ADHD. I love your grandparents. I love your ear stretchers. I love your goddamnned accent.
I love you. And I'd walk to Newcastle if I had to. I'll forget about my stupid paranoia about things with you going wrong. I'll close my eyes, hold my breath and ****ing well go for it because I'll be damned if I'm going to waste another of the fleeting days I have with you.
I love you, Michael Bard... [But, obviously, that's not your name. You'll always, always be my Bardy.]
I'll wait forever, darling.
I love you.
xxx
MCR is my CPR
Think Happy Thoughts
'Cause all of the stars, have faded away. Just trynot to worry, you'll see them someday.
im so scared of the future... i don't wna grow up, i dnt wna move on i don't know how. The more i think about things...life...this... the more I question being here. I don't want to die... i just dnt know how to live. I know how stupid this sounds and how selfish i am being right now but i cnt help it, I can't control myself anymore. I wna b helped but i just DON'T KNOW HOW... im so ****in sorry 4 botherin u all the bloody time i didn't mean to b a bother its jst that...well ur about the only person who has actually ever... i don't know, been ther i supose, not that u really had ne choice in the matter u wer jst doin ur job, but to me u have done so much more then jst listen u have saved my life! as pethetic as it sounds i don't think i woulda lasted without ur support, without someone ther to listen. I REALLY wish i wasn't like this and im sorry i truely am, i HATE worrying about what u think and say about me but i cnt stop needin ur help i jst need someone to be ther...even tho u never wanted to. You're just a decent guy and the sickest tutor!
I'm so scared to lose this, and i know that i have to be able 2 help myslf coz cum 2morrow that's it :'( TTTHHHAAANNNKKKYYYOOOUUU!!!!!!
I think i may be falling down again i wish it wasnt the weekend i'll have to wait till monday to get an appiontment, when i wont have the courage to do so.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
i'm not human but you didn't believe me when i told you so. but you might as well believe i'm in denial about being molested, i can just take all the tablets i didn't hope to get and let the pain take over.
