I have been keeping a regular diary since starting my support with my local HTT back in March. To be honest it does scare me when have the courage to look back on some of the things I have written down. More often than not I don’t know who "THIS" person is if that kind of makes any sense.
I have had 4 psychotic episodes this year. Disassociation. Hallucinations, auditory, smell and visual. Etc etc. I often feel that I wear several heads in anyone day.
My psychiatrist advised me to continue with my diary as he wants to see it when I go back in August.
One thing that really scares me is being totally honest when I write. I have major trust issues and believe that if I was to put down all of my thoughts I would probably end up being sectioned again (this happened 3 years ago and I was hospitalised for 3 months).
Looking back is very courage's and I applaud you for your courage. Maybe because my thoughts are still so recent and raw is why I find it hard. Or maybe I just like what I read. Probable a bit of both I suppose.
I am going to try and speak to a solicitor 2moz on behalf of my daughter to see what how next step should be.
I told her not to worry. She has her last GCSE on Monday and her holiday away to concentrate on. We will deal with the rest together when she gets back.
Yeah, I found some diaries I'd kept a couple of years back and it seriously scared me. Now I don't keep one; I remember the worst times anyway, and the other days can consign themselves to history as far as I'm concerned. Maybe one day I'll look back and just wonder how the hell I'd got through everything and wish I ad kept one, but for now this is the best way to protect myself.
I think you need to be as honest as you possibly can. It's the only way that you can be helped properly.
And good luck with the solicitor tomorrow. I don't envy you, but I know you can get through this and get the best outcome :)
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
Gonna try and go to my bed soon. First time in 4 days. I think i`ll listen to a little relaxation therapy I have on my Ipod and hopefully drift off into the land of happy dreams. Lol. Shattered.
Thanks everyone for all of your kind words and support today. You guys are great.
**Hugs** n kisses
Nite nite all
Last edited by lostinlife : 26-06-2010 at 12:53 AM.
Reason: spelling
morning guys how r u all? im grand sittin out in the garden trying to get round to writing some more of my short story just cant seem to get the inspiration these days its a nightmare. between that and trying to convince someone that a para od isnt the best idea i should be far more stressed than i am i guess its a good thing tho.
binged last night put on weight, need to go to gym but overslept, suposed to be playing tennis this afternoon but what if we don't then i've done no exercise today, put on weight again, feel crap, must do something....
morning guys how r u all? im grand sittin out in the garden trying to get round to writing some more of my short story just cant seem to get the inspiration these days its a nightmare. between that and trying to convince someone that a para od isnt the best idea i should be far more stressed than i am i guess its a good thing tho.
love n hugs to all xxx
Oooh, you're writing a short story? Sounds amazing!Inspiration is a rare thingto find. Just put it down to writer's block and it'll be a constructive and positive lack of inspiration rather than anything else.
It's good that you're not as stressed as you could potentially be. Yeah, trying to talk someone out of an od is hard, but just the fact that you're there for them will have helped them :)
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
binged last night put on weight, need to go to gym but overslept, suposed to be playing tennis this afternoon but what if we don't then i've done no exercise today, put on weight again, feel crap, must do something....
The weight you'll have put on won't be "real" weight. It'll just be water and the fact your intestines and stufff are more full. Promise you can't put on real weight from one binge. It doesn't matter if you haven't exercised one day; your body needs a rest. But maybe go out for a walk later? Then you'll be able to get some fresh air which should help you to feel better and also you'll ba active xx
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
Yeah i had a good shopping trip...bought a dress and some pjs, knickers for my two daughters, shoes for my youngest (tho she has paid for them) and some other bits n pieces. Found it way too hot to shop though. Ive just ordered myself a bra and knicks, should be in the post on monday!!
That is it now...no more shopping..tell me off if i do lol
Whoop Whoop Yeah mummy. Go mummy LOL. After an error message on Jess` ipod touch for the last few months and spending over 4 hours today trying to fix the dame thing it is finally working. Wow I even surprise myself sometimes. Me, I'm a techno wiz. Yeah mummy. Go mummy LOL
Glad you had a good time shopping Rowie- wouldn't fancy wandering around town in this weather though!
Hellz- Sounds like the Priory has done you the world of good (from memory, so apologies if you aren't there). What is your story about?
Lostinlife- Congrats on the technofixing!
I have only just gotten out of bed and am trying to motivate myself to get dressed. Was supposed to be going to see my Grandma but have screwed that up by being so lazy :(
Pomegranate - You weren't lazy, we all have our bad days & days where we feel really low & unmotivated. It's okay. I am sorry that you couldn't get to do what you were gonna do today, but there's always another day hon. Please try to not beat yourself up about it - it really is okay. Try to have a relaxing bath maybe? It might help relaxing you. x
How are you all doing today? :)
It's such a lovely day... but, the humidity is really muddy like & it's making me feel really arghhh! You know? :(
But, lovely day indeed.
I do prefer the winter... but hey, that's not for a few months!
I'm having quite a bad day but I'm trying to keep myself distracted.
I'm sending lots of gentle, safe hugs & please do let me know if I can help / support you guys, you're all so lovely & awesome, I really do hope I am welcome here... if not, I apologize & I'll go. I don't want to intrude.
yeah its the priory im in good memory! the story is about someone living in the bush in south africa with the monkeys i doesnt sound very good from that description but its complicated to put into words where im goin with it.
its just in croatia rowie no where as exotic as last time but might be heading to indionesia in winter to do some more volunteering.
binged last night put on weight, need to go to gym but overslept, suposed to be playing tennis this afternoon but what if we don't then i've done no exercise today, put on weight again, feel crap, must do something....
