*cuddles april and bouncies in corner with*
*waves to kat and evryone else*
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
Tineke, how are you? Kat, Heather, Katy, IAL, anyone else I'm missing?
Am doing a bit better than the other day but not much. :( I am so sick of this MESS... just want it to be over. But I have to keep "pressing on" or else I feel like I will get yelled at by my husband for not trying hard enough... or something. He wouldn't yell at me, I know this intellectually, but it's just a "feelings thing." Heh. :(
Just wrote my cover letter for my internship. It's supposed to make a case for why I should get an internship... am a little scared about that, to be honest... :( I hope I get it... :-S
I feel crappy... ugh... and my feet are cold. S'pose I should put some socks on, ey? :P
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I don't know, April. Tom is annoying me, my parents are annoying me, my brother wants me to phone the psych but at every call I make I am more and more reluctant,...
I don't seem able to have nightmares. I only have them once in a blue moon. Last one I had was a few months ago when I dreamt about an alien who was about to rape me in an elevator. The one before that was probably when I was 9 or so and I saw sharks coming out of the ground to eat our chickens.
And I am SUCH a crybaby! Why do I cry so much?
So no, I'm not doing very well. I have an appointment with the school counsellor to unsubscribe to my second-semester courses though. I hope you'll get your internship. Where are you planning on doing it?
Last edited by lynx : 04-03-2010 at 01:40 PM.
Reason: spelling
Crying is a good release... better than SI. *holds you gently* Don't be embarrassed about crying... but I know that's easier said than done. I know that when I cry I'm very embarrassed over it, ashamed almost, and feel like I oughtn't be crying. The last time I cried was last week (I think) in the hallway waiting for one of my classes. :-/ But I usually go awhile between tears.
Why are you unsubscribing to your second-semester courses? is the courseload too much for you right now? If so, understandable... I've been in the same position. *hugs*
It almost sounds like you WANT to have nightmares... ? They suck. I hate them. But anyway... heh. :)
I am so freaking exhausted... yet anxious at the same time. WTF?! I didn't even know that that was possible... :-X
I talk with my advisor/senior sem prof today at 10am. I'm worried over that, which is probably what is causing me to be anxious. Boo hiss. I really wish that I had it all together like the GOOD students do. :(
*hides*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I told mum about the voice telling me to kill myself. She was shocked but I think in a way she saw it coming. I wanted to know what she was thinking but all she could say was, "Tineke, I've worked all day and you're telling me there's a voice telling you to throw yourself underneath a truck. What do you think I'm thinking?"
Anyways. We had dinner in a restaurant in Eeklo, the two of us. I believe I've been there before with Tom but I hate to say this - I'm not sure. Didn't he order a diet coke and I a glass of chocolate milk? And wasn't that because we took a taxi to Eeklo because we had missed our train and we wanted to be in time for a wedding? God, my memory sucks. I thought I had everything stocked from that 29th of August but apparently - so he told me - we came home at my place and we had instant sex. I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.
I have an appointment with a psychiatrist. I wasn't referred. "You do know that I'm a psychiatrist, huh?" Yea I know, I have a GP, thank you very much. I wasn't referred so I guess I'm not going to my GP tomorrow. My finger looks like there's fungus growing on it but it'll go away. Apparently I have to pay €67.34 but about 52 of that is refundable.
Mum caught me in full blown crisis today. I think it's getting obvious to her that something needs to change. I am depressed as hell.
Now some additions.
I know crying is better than SI. It's just, I've been driven this far that I can actually get relief from SI.
I'm unsubscribing because my episodes cause me greater damage than I wanted. I know every course I've studied, yet I fail at most exams. I need calmness first.
Hey, don't worry about not having it all together. You try, that's all that counts. And you seem to manage quite well since you're in your senior's. Kudos for you!
*Hugs*
Last edited by lynx : 04-03-2010 at 10:30 PM.
Reason: August, dammit! Not December!
*hugs Lynx* Sorry, that's all I am up to at the mo... struggling. :(
Just got an email from my prof saying that my internship had been approved - except that not in a clinical setting or mental health counseling center. Where the HELL am I going to do my internship, then?!!? I want to be a therapist, so how am I supposed to get the experience that I need when I can't do any of that?!
AND IT'S ALL ****ING BECAUSE I'M CRAZY.
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
What do you mean, because you're crazy? First of all, you're not crazy, you're bipolar and you have an eating disorder. That doesn't make you crazy.
Secondly, do you have to write to companies or just university so they can put you somewhere?
I don't know... I just FEEL crazy sometimes, a lot of times actually. I wish that I could just be over this "stuff" and be better... I am unstable, I am fragile, and because of this I can't get the internship that I want. In fact, my advisor said that there was a possibility that I might not even get an internship... so I guess I'm lucky? :-/
Oh, and I got your PM, Tineke... no worries. *hugs* I was a little offended but it doesn't matter too much. I'm over it now. :)
I just have to apply through the university, and they'll pick out an internship located somewhere that "best fits my interests/abilities/considerable talents that I can offer" ... ugh. :(
So tired. I don't feel really good right now, mentally...
*hides in corner*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I am eating too much. But at least I'm drinking stuff (nonalcoholic, noncaloric, noncaffeinated) with it too... ugh am such a ****ing PIG!!!
I don't know what to do... I'm at my parents' house & have an exam (online) to take before 4pm... REALLY don't want to do it as a friend texted me and told me that it's "blah" and "unfair" ... she got an 86% on it and she's really clever so I don't know how I'll do... I don't feel like I am very clever so I'll probably do worse. :( And I need all the good grades in that class that I can get.
*hides some more*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
