Uhm, that was meant in a supportive way. The first comment I made. Sorry if it sounded stupid.
Having a shitty night. Just got worse.
*hides*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
hey April, we don't all believe the sterotype of Americans, what are america's setreotypes to us europeans?
erm, i'm not sure how i am today, its my ex best friends wedding at 11am today (it currently being 1am) and i'm not sure how i feel about it all yet, because we only fell out 2 weeks ago.
*bounces around a little with Lynx even though she likes her hiding place* It does kinda sound like a busy day, but I suppose the reason for that being the fact that I'm depressed and ANYTHING other than nothing sounds busy. Heh. :( I hope that you do feel better, though...
Kat, how are you? *cuddles*
Katy, and you? *more cuddles* Erm, I'm not sure about Americans' stereotypes of Europeans. I don't really pay attention to that crap, tbh - not putting anyone down intentionally - because I know that each & every person is individual. I guess it depends on the country. *shrug* Like in France, everyone is supposed to be an amazing cook... lol. And Italy - mafia comes to mind first, then food. I don't know. Those are really my own thoughts, not anything that's been "drilled into" me.
Just got up about half an hour ago... grrrr. I don't want to go to uni today... :(
*sigh*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I think it sounds busy but lately I have been doing next to nothing. *hugs lnyx*
*cuddles April lots* Uni will be ok, try and go if you can. Getting out and doing something might even help a bit. I am alright just a bit nervous about uni
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
*cuddles Kat* Hope you get some good sleep tonight!! and best of luck at uni tomorrow... I'm sure it will be fine. Are you excited about it at all? And yeh, I always go to uni - don't think I've ever missed a day other than the time when I was taken off a med cold turkey and had a migraine for 12+ days. >_< Anyway, so yeah, am there now.
*cuddles Katy* I'm sorry you're so very stressed... that sucks. :( Is there any way that you can do some breathing/relaxation techniques? or are you in the midst of your uni classes now?
*cuddles Lynx* How're you feeling now that it's later? have you gotten stuff done?
I'm so exhausted... was going to take a nap but I couldn't because there's nowhere to lie down... heh. And I'm not that great at sleeping sitting up. Oh well. I'll just use the computer to keep me occupied. I'm at tutoring now and somehow someone managed to make an appt with me when I don't have hours - wtf?!?! I need to talk with my supervisor about this, because it doesn't make any sense at all. :( I hate how the new software (online scheduling & tracking system) works... or rather, DOESN'T. I tutor psych and writing, and I've had people sign up for computer science and math tutoring... which is not me at all!! Grrrrr. :(
I really want to b/p right now. Feel so fat and ugly and just plain AWFUL.
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Don't b/p. Please. It doesn't solve your problems. Oh, and I'm not that good at sleeping sitting up either. I only succeeded once so far.
I cleaned the house, I even got stuff to make dinner for two days. I did have a "thought stop" today though, I'm not sure what to call it. I think if I don't take action now I may be getting severely psychotic. How should I tell my parents?
I'm tired and I need to post a package for a client and I so hope I'll be able to do it tomorrow. He was nice enough to send me cash money and a bunch of stamps through the mail. I asked €10 for the book so he sent me €20 and €10 of stamps to send the book???
Anyways. I'm going to rest a little then make dinner.
Last edited by lynx : 01-03-2010 at 06:52 PM.
Reason: forgot to mention a couple of things
*more cuddles for Tineke* I know - intellectually - that it won't solve all of my problems, but I can't help but think that it might help solve some of them. I don't know. I feel so fat and ugly all of the time, it's awful. I hate myself so much. :(
I'm glad that you got stuff done today. :) That's awesome. And wow, that guys sounds nice... but 30 when you only asked for 10? (lol sorry, don't know how to make the symbol for euros) A little off if you ask me. But it works. :P
How do you know that you might be going severely psychotic? I mean, what are the signs/symptoms for you? I'm not doubting you at all, it's just that I am curious... it's hard for me to tell when I'm going psychotic. And I have no idea how to tell your parents... do you "have" to? would it be a good idea? Maybe you could write them a letter/email?
Eugh I don't feel good, mentally, don't want to talk to one of my profs about my problems. I feel like such an epic fail...
Just want to go HOME!!!! :(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
*more cuddles for Tineke* I know - intellectually - that it won't solve all of my problems, but I can't help but think that it might help solve some of them. I don't know. I feel so fat and ugly all of the time, it's awful. I hate myself so much. :(
I know you can't help but think that. Have you considered an actual diet? I have been on a vegetable/protein diet last summer and I lost about 15 lbs.?
Quote:
I'm glad that you got stuff done today. :) That's awesome. And wow, that guys sounds nice... but 30 when you only asked for 10? (lol sorry, don't know how to make the symbol for euros) A little off if you ask me. But it works. :P
Yea. He was like, here's 10 for the book, and here's 10 to send it through the mail, and if you want to here are some Belgian stamps you can use to send them with, too. Liek whut???
Quote:
How do you know that you might be going severely psychotic? I mean, what are the signs/symptoms for you? I'm not doubting you at all, it's just that I am curious... it's hard for me to tell when I'm going psychotic
Do you go psychotic? I didn't know that. I know because I keep having these weird things like a voice telling me to throw myself underneath a truck or to break bones. The last two days I had a thought stop. I had a sermon from my dad yesterday and he asked me what I was thinking about, and all I could tell him was: "Dad, I really wish I were thinking of something right now." Also I ploughed through dirt with my bike today because of the roadworks on my regular way to the village. I wanted to take an alternative route but I couldn't think so I certainly couldn't think of THAT. Dirt it was...
Also the fact that SI brings relief is very alarming to me. I cried over the phone when I told Tom I did it. "Why did you do that?" he asked me. "So I could cry afterwards. Do you still love me?" "Of course I do. Don't cry." Etcetera, etcetera.
Quote:
And I have no idea how to tell your parents... do you "have" to? would it be a good idea? Maybe you could write them a letter/email?
If I don't move out yet, yes, then I'll "have" to. Since I have huge memory problems, it would be very difficult lying about therapy each time. Also I don't feel well, I don't feel safe, I don't feel... Sometimes there's just plain emptiness in my head and all I can do is cry because I want it to go away. Deep down I want to have myself admitted.
Quote:
Eugh I don't feel good, mentally, don't want to talk to one of my profs about my problems. I feel like such an epic fail...
Just want to go HOME!!!! :(
Sorry, but where are you now? And do you have an appointment with one of your profs? Do you trust him or her?
You're not an epic fail, April. Absolutely not. After six years of battering and ploughing you got to your senior year. That's fantastic! I want you to hang in there and not feel like a failure since you're going to graduate. Tell that to yourself. I'm going to graduate. Period.
I had a good laugh. Thanks.
