Am not in a good place again this morning... damnit... :( Wrote some more about it in vet's support, as well as updated my ED forum post... will probably use my r/v thread in a bit too. I'm trying to get all I can out of this site but I don't want to seem like a leech. :(
Lynx, do you own a bookshop? :) And what "episode" did your boyfriend have? is he bipolar? Sorry, you don't have to answer that if you don't want to, am just curious as have psychotic bipolar myself.
*hides*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
My boyfriend has huge attacks of headache. All psychologically caused, but it has a tremendous physical outcome with his forehead getting warm and veins throbbing and stuff like that. Really scary. Normally he has that all the time and he can bear the pain, but the other day he grabbed his head and started screaming. It was very very scary.
He is not depressed, it's the headache that causes him to be depressed since he can't function properly any more.
Awh, that sounds awful - your boyfriend I mean!!! That has to be so uncomfortable & horrid to deal with. :( How long do the episodes last? & has he seen a doctor about them? Sorry again for all of the questions...
That's really cool about having an online second-hand bookstore!! I'll definitely have to check out your site. :) I love books...
I'm really tired... ugh. :(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Doctors can't help him. If he wants pain relief then he has to take, like, 20 grams of paracetamol a day. Somehow he learnt to live with the pain although with me around he has less pain. For it to go away everything needs to be OK but it isn't. It will be OK in the end though.
The most severe episodes, well, I've only witnessed one so far so I'm blown off my socks. I don't think they last longer than a couple of hours, and with the severity of his pain, that's awfully long. I don't really know though.
*Hugs to April & Kat*
Last edited by lynx : 27-02-2010 at 03:15 PM.
Reason: forgot to mention how long the episodes last
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
I forgot to do a "reflection journal post" that was due yesterday at 4pm... I emailed my prof to see if I could do it a day late but I doubt I will be able to. She's pretty strict. I feel so stupid!! It was worth a good deal of points too, so... I don't know what to do. I guess there's nothing I can do...
I feel even shittier now than I did earlier.
Just want to die.
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I just basically hate everything right now. Andy telling me that I'm not psychotic. "I will never ever believe that." SHUT UP. My dad chasing me like a wild animal to go and do something with my life. My ****ing parents have been haunting me for two years and a half now. Thanks to mum and my brother, and dad not being there, I seem to have a disorder which is ruining my life. As if that isn't enough, my dad preaches to me almost every day whilst I shouted at him before that he's never there, just to give sermons and to provide explanations to school problems. He hasn't learnt a thing.
I HATE BASICALLY JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is part of the e-mail I sent to Andy yesterday.
- Please, please, please stop arguing with me about quitting school or having some kind of mental illness. I need to get my life sorted out and getting the help I didn't get when I needed it, say at 13, is one of the main steps to being able to live an independent life. You don't know me, period. So either accept what I am trying to say or leave me alone. I know I sound tired/stressed/whatever but that's no reason to ignore what I am trying to say. It took a lot of courage to accept that I may be having some kind of disorder, since I am intelligent and my affected conscience used to be my biggest treasure, it took a lot of courage to admit that to all those who closed their eyes to my problems, and believe me, it takes a lot of strength and energy to be battering people like you!!!! Somehow I decided to let you have a look into my head/life. Don't make me regret that. You haven't asked me once what makes me think that I have an illness. I think it's plain American narrow-mindedness, or either you are trying to "get into my pants" by not being able to think bad of me, or so it seems. That's, like, not helping me at all. So SHUT UP.
- I love serving a lot more than I do sitting on a bench in school listening to materials I either already know or don't care about. I love having a book store, I love going to work, I love life the way I want to live it. Don't you dare try and live my life for me. I've had enough people forcing me so far.
I guess dad will be getting his part sooner or later... I just want to get out of this place...
God, I am so pissed. I was already looking for studios/apartments to live in but without any obligations attached to it, just looking. THIS IS AN IDEAL WAY TO CHASE ME OUT OF THE HOUSE. Thanks a lot, mum and dad. You've been very supportive. Now BUGGER OFF.
I am thinking of calling Kayo, a friend of mine from university. We don't talk a lot but she's always there when I need her. She'll probably let me at least put my books in her house in Ghent.
Another option is calling Griet, who has a house in Ghent as well.
I need a house. At least people who have a house. A bought house, not a rental thingie. I could be staying at Kimberly's and put my stuff elsewhere too, of course. I DON'T KNOW. As the title of my rant thread goes, I am losing my mind. And I'm not joking as I say that.
Wow, Lynx, sounds like you're having a really tough time. *gentle cuddles* I know that this wasn't something that you intended for anyone in the forums (I don't think?) but I wanted to point out that not ALL Americans are narrow-minded... just thought I'd say that as I am American and don't consider myself that narrow-minded. But anyway... I will read your rant thread in a bit... I often feel like I am losing my mind too, although it sounds like what you are going through right now is much tougher than anything I've ever been faced with. *more cuddles*
*cuddles Kat & Katy* How're you two doing? ♥
I'm really tired. And trying to get schoolwork done. :( I feel so ****ing useless, so stupid, so annoying to everyone I'm around. I also feel fat, ugly, and disgusting. :( I don't know what to do. *big sigh* Except b/p or cut... both of which I want to do. GAHHH!!!!
Why is it that I think dying would solve all of my problems? Well, because it WOULD. I wouldn't be here anymore to have any problems!!
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Gee, April, what makes you think I'm having a tough time?
Whenever I get upset to this extent all I can do is three things. Eat. Sleep. Cry. I have had buttloads of chocolate and slept for two hours. Just now I mean. It's 9.02pm.
I sent Tom a smiley but he doesn't respond. I think I'll call him in a while.
I'm going to get up early, say at 11, tomorrow to clean the house. I have a feeling they're going to call me to go to work.
I have no idea what I should do or where to turn to. Absolutely no idea.
By the way: of course not all Americans are narrow-minded. But it's a huge cliché in Belgium, and I'm not exaggerating when I say Europe as well: Americans are stupid, narrow-minded and warlike. I'm sorry that there are clichés and I'm sorry they're in my head. I can't really help it...
Last edited by lynx : 28-02-2010 at 09:06 PM.
Reason: forgot to respond to April's remark about narrow-mindedness
It was worth a good deal of points too, so... I don't know what to do. I guess there's nothing I can do...
