But don't worry if reply rates are slow for next few days will you? *snuggles everyone* I'll try pop in every day more than once, it's just Christmas day I won't be on much xxx
I want to cut really bad. But I'm now at 119 days. One day to go to reach 4 months. I don't know whether I'm holding off injuring for me, or because everyone else will be upset if I do it. Does that sound weird ??
Not in the slightest. Like I think I mentioned before, when I attempted recovery, by the time I hit three months, I wasn't doing it for myself. The only reason I made it to the three month mark was because my grandparents were visiting on the day to congratulate me for getting so far x_o.
Just so long as you don't let all of those 119 SI-free days come out in one giant go. Be careful, and be safe <3 *hugs*
Zowie: x_o Been sitting here tryna think of summat to say, and nowt's really come to mind. I'm sorry *hugs you too*
Hells: *Snuggles back* Well you make sure you have fun when you're out in the real world ^__^
* * *
As for myself, I feel like absolute ****ing ****. I nearly described last night as a 'psychotic episode', but I think that'd be overexaggerating somewhat. Was far from good though. The suicidal thoughts wouldn't leave, the urges to cut wouldn't leave, and I just want to get drunk right now. I'm not even sure what the matter is. Again ._.;.
There was something that bothered me yesterday and the previous night, but that was all talked about, moved on from. So I don't know if I've been feeling so low because I'm still hurt over that, or if I'm upset because the other person involved was hurt, or if I'm upset because of...well...nothing. Or things subconsciously nagging at me x____x. I should probably stop listening to this super depressing song as well <__<;;
*climbs out of denial tent for a bit* Hi everyone;
Kahlia, come on in the denial tent... I agree with Dayna it's not weird to be thinking/feeling that and as she said... please be careful *hugs*
Zowie - you're not rubbish... *hugs*
Helen - thanks for the snuggles :) I hope you enjoy your christmas get-togethers *hugs*
Dayna - *hugs* i hope that your night tonite is much better. The thing that bothered you... was it something said on here that we can talk about help you through? I know sometimes if I don't deal with things that bother me, and try and block them, I end up feeling off-balanced. *switches music to something more cheerful for you -- not sure what kind you like though; so it's a mix and you can choose*
----
well, today I ended up not having work as the roads were closed due to the snow and flurries and all that good stuff.. so that was kinda nice -- although sometimes being left to my thoughts is not always great.... i feel like I have been fighting urges for most of the day and part of me doesn't want to give and but the other part of me just wants too... ugh!! a few more hours and then i can sleep...
*hugs for everyone* *snuggles back in a corner of the tent*
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams
Dayna - *hugs* i hope that your night tonite is much better. The thing that bothered you... was it something said on here that we can talk about help you through? I know sometimes if I don't deal with things that bother me, and try and block them, I end up feeling off-balanced. *switches music to something more cheerful for you -- not sure what kind you like though; so it's a mix and you can choose*
----
well, today I ended up not having work as the roads were closed due to the snow and flurries and all that good stuff.. so that was kinda nice -- although sometimes being left to my thoughts is not always great.... i feel like I have been fighting urges for most of the day and part of me doesn't want to give and but the other part of me just wants too... ugh!! a few more hours and then i can sleep...
*hugs for everyone* *snuggles back in a corner of the tent*
No, it wasn't. A friend was in a bad frame of mind and said a few things that I misunderstood. It feels a little immature of me to say 'boy troubles', but technically that's what it was .
I ended up writing a load of **** last night, 'cause of how I was feeling, and I was gonna post it on here, like in serious or something, but I don't know if I have the balls to do so now ._.;;.
And gah, I hate that internal conflict. "To cut, or not to cut, that is the question" <__<;;. Have you got someone to keep you company?
hey dayna, [sorry, i don't know how to get the cool dots over your a]
i like writing stuff to get it off my mind... if you think you're up for it; I say post... there's likely someone who's been thru something similar and can offer understanding or someone who is in a similar situation that needed to hear it; not that I'm pushing you... but if you want to post it let me know [if you want that is] and i'll take a look at it -- i don't always look in all the other threads.
ya, that internal conflict is not fun; i'm feeling safer now though, so that's good... and my family's mostly all home so i'm not alone in the sense that people are around... although I sometimes do feel alone even with the busyness.. how about you? is there someone there to keep you company?
well i have to go eat supper, so i'll be off for a while and will try to check back in later...
*hugs*
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams
hey dayna, [sorry, i don't know how to get the cool dots over your a]
i like writing stuff to get it off my mind... if you think you're up for it; I say post... there's likely someone who's been thru something similar and can offer understanding or someone who is in a similar situation that needed to hear it; not that I'm pushing you... but if you want to post it let me know [if you want that is] and i'll take a look at it -- i don't always look in all the other threads.
ya, that internal conflict is not fun; i'm feeling safer now though, so that's good... and my family's mostly all home so i'm not alone in the sense that people are around... although I sometimes do feel alone even with the busyness.. how about you? is there someone there to keep you company?
well i have to go eat supper, so i'll be off for a while and will try to check back in later...
*hugs*
Lol, don't worry about it. I'm only picky about it irl, if someone's handwriting my name xD. ('HEY WTF, SPARE TWO MORE SECONDS TO ADD THE UMLAUT PLZKTHX' '...o_O;;'. Fun times)
Yeah, I might do. Thing is, I'm just worried about who'd read it, which sounds kinda stupid, I know. I just hate hurting my friends by writing something like that .__.;. But thanks for the offer :)
I'm glad you're feeling safer now, as well. And yeah, I have my housemate with me (well, in the same house, anyway, not lurking nearby or something xD). And Dogzilla. Anyway, see you laters, if you're able to make it back
Not in the slightest. Like I think I mentioned before, when I attempted recovery, by the time I hit three months, I wasn't doing it for myself. The only reason I made it to the three month mark was because my grandparents were visiting on the day to congratulate me for getting so far x_o.
Just so long as you don't let all of those 119 SI-free days come out in one giant go. Be careful, and be safe <3 *hugs*
Thanks .... I think you may have hit on a point. I just don't know whether I'm doing this for myself or not. I hope that you are doing a bit better Dayna. *offers safe hugs*
Quote:
Originally Posted by ravynsoul
Kahlia, come on in the denial tent... I agree with Dayna it's not weird to be thinking/feeling that and as she said... please be careful *hugs*
Ravyn, thank you. I wish we got snow here.
I've lasted another SI free night. The urges were so bad that I put myself to bed early and cried myself to sleep. I was up fairly early this morning but didn't want to deal with anything so I allowed myself to cry myself to sleep again. I don't want to be out of bed at all. I'm just going to curl up here in a corner of the denial tent and pretend that everything is perfectly okay. Sorry I can't support more at the present time. I guess I'm just sh*t at everything.
*offers hugs to everyone*
Last edited by Kahlia1981 : 23-12-2008 at 12:52 AM.
Reason: Forgot something
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
Kahlia: Not really. I was doing okay earlier, and I've slumped right back down again x_x *safe hugs back*
And don't beat yourself up over not being supportive enough. Hell, like you said to me, we all have that problem sometimes. And even if we don't always have advice to offer, just by listening to each other, we're still offering some support, yes?
I nearly ended up crying in Tesco (a supermarket for you aussies etc) tonight. Was out food shopping for this week (mainly Christmas) and just a whole surge of emotions came over me. I think it's the whole another year and my dad wont be there etc. =\ What a **** I am, always crying in public lol rarely in the house :p
Ugh. Feel stressed and want to cut. But I don't know why. >.<
I feel like I'm going to crash out for some reason like I've been pretending to be happy, but I haven't most of the time :D Maybe I'm just not used to being so okay for this amount of time? :S Plus I'm really worried about a RYL member who doesn't post here much now *sighs*
*Squishes back* I'm sorry about your dad. I wouldn't be surprised if Christmas is a bit gloomy for my housemate, too. Christmas always reminds her of her parents, apparently, and this'll be the second one without either of them. Second one for me without my sister as well, I think x_o.
And ugh, I really know what you mean with the pretending to be happy. My housemate doesn't know how bad things have been for me as of late, 'cause I just can't tell her, so instead I've been slapping on this big fake smile, pretending that everything's alright, and then breaking down when I'm alone x_o
This will be our 2nd Christmas with him somewhere else (he's still alive thankfully but yeah..) I hope it's not going to as tense this year though my Mum seems to be doing ok, am worried about how she'll be once we're at Christmas. :(
*crawls into the corner and cries* Can't sleep. How do you know when you are having a break down? I need time, space, superman, something...so out of control. I am actually scared of myself at the moment. It's pathetic.
Emma: Meh, not really. I'm feeling strongly triggered again, and I'm not sure what to do about it. My housemate's still up and is in the living room, so I can't really go and grab anything and give in
.
ya, that internal conflict is not fun; i'm feeling safer now though, so that's good... and my family's mostly all home so i'm not alone in the sense that people are around... although I sometimes do feel alone even with the busyness.. how about you? is there someone there to keep you company?
I'm just going to curl up here in a corner of the denial tent and pretend that everything is perfectly okay. Sorry I can't support more at the present time. I guess I'm just sh*t at everything.
