An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
To which he whirled around and screamed, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
A man staggers home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy Steven. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife Leona. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.
As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, he sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of band-Aids and began putting a band-aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty band-aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, he woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Leona staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"
He said, "Why say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Leona said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly...
"It's all those band-aids stuck on the hall mirror."
its sad i know, but i laughed for like twenty minutes at this!! so i thought i'd share the laughter!!!
A man lives on the 15th floor of a building, every morning the man gets in the elvator, pushes the button for the ground floor and leaves on his way to work. Of an evening he gets in the elevator and pushes the button for floor 8 gets out and takes the stairs upto 15 to his apartment, why?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : answer
because he is a dwarf and can not reach the button for level 15
sorry if its tasteless guys
A little bit possessive, little miss obsessive, can’t get over it....
♥ Davo
2022111007
guy goes into a bar with a giraffe...they drink and drink and drink...finally the giraffe keels over and dies. The guy pays the tab and starts to walk out. the barkeep says, "you cant leave that lying around!" The guy says, " Its not a lion, its a giraffe"
