I was wondering what people do around sensory issues with clothing? I’ve not been feeling brilliant lately and I’ve noticed it’s getting harder and harder to like… wear clothes. I don’t know how else to put it.
I’ve always had trouble with tight clothing and for the last couple of years things like tights and leggings have become almost unbearable - it doesn’t matter what the material is, it’s too tight and it’s so itchy it feels like my skin is burning. While I’m a bit sad about not really being able to wear tights much, I’ve dealt with that. I’ve been cutting labels out for years, absolutely not an issue. But now my other clothes are getting harder to wear - necklines on t shirts are getting itchy-burny. I’ve had to get rid of/stop wearing most of my socks. Jumpers are itchy, I can’t wear anything round my waist. It’s also super unpredictable, I never know what’s going to be safe to wear.
I’m wearing some super loose, comfy dungarees, and a previously very safe t shirt and my skin is all itchy-burny round my neck and waist and hips.
Is this a ASD thing or am I suddenly allergic to my clothes?! Will it pass when I’m feeling better? At the moment I cannot afford new clothes aside from maybe some new socks and underwear. Does anyone know anything that might help?
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
It sounds like its burnout related if you’ve previously been able to wear your clothes without issues before, especially if you’ve been cutting labels out and this feels different. Have you been experiencing any other changes? Anything major happened lately?
I struggle a lot with clothes. I tend to buy multiples of the same item and just wear the same thing all of the time. No good words but as Ali said, if it is burnout related, it is something that could definitely get better again. But also with burnout, sometimes things that we lose or get worse do stay that way. It is really hard to say one way or another.
Have you changed anything in your laundry routine? Laundry is a big thing for me too with regards to how my clothes fit and feel and it must be done in very specific ways.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Nothing huge has happened but I think I’m just, like, after the last couple of years and struggling with fatigue too. My laundry routine hasn’t changed but I might get some fabric softener and see if that helps a bit.
I think I’m going to chalk it up to burnout/stress and focus on working through that. I might pop to a charity shop and see if they have any tops that feel nice. My favourite t shirt was stolen while I was in hospital in April, so I’m going to see if I can find any that feel like that.
I hope you’re both doing ok <3
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
Make sure you’re getting plenty of rest, and eating properly and stuff too. Try and take your meds at the same time everyday (don’t know if you do this anyway), and limit your activities if you feel this would be helpful. A lot of burnout is related to fatigue and just generally how hard it is to function in what is, let’s face it, a neurotypical world so try and look after yourself.
In terms of sensory stuff, fabric conditioner may be a good shout (you’re the second person I’ve met who doesn’t use it routinely, how can you stand not using it?! The itchyness!) amd like comfy things. I like pyjamas and basically only wear clothes in public, but again don’t know how comfortable you’d be in pjs around your housemate.
Just some suggestions, feel free to ignore all/any if they’re not helpful.
Thanks Ali :) to be fair I did use fabric conditioner routinely then forgot to buy it every time I did a shop, then just kind of forgot about it
I also was taking my meds abut four hours later than usual as I read your reply, so could def benefit from being more consistent.
I can’t stand being in pyjamas all day - I don’t know why but it makes me feel awful. I generally wear dungarees and they’re feeling ok today.
Yeah I think I just need to be generally careful with not pushing myself and ignoring my ‘this is too much’ signals. I’m not very good at that sometimes.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I’m not very good at that either, its usually Claire or V (or sometimes my brother, depending on whether he texts me back or not!) that mentions to me I’m maybe doing too much. Do you have anyone in your life that tells you you need to slow down? Did you ever start back up with therapy?
Yeah, my therapist, uni mentor and friend have pointed out recently that I might be trying to do too much. It’s so frustrating because my limit is objectively significantly less than what the majority of adults would consider a very easy day and I hate that.
I’m trying to do less, and remember that I am allowed to be too tired for stuff even if it’s annoying.
I really wish I could do pyjamas in the day! It just feels all wrong even when I’m not doing anything.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
Sounds like you got some internalized ableism going on there surrounding the limits and tasks you take on! It is v hard to respect your own limits, especially when society constantly tells us we should be pushing past them and DOING ALL THE THINGS. My own limits, especially during burnout, are very low. It sucks. It really does suck. But rest is really important and you deserve to get the rest that you need.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Yeah, you're probably right about the internalised ableism, and it's also that I really struggle to see myself as genuinely disabled, which is daft because the people that did my ASD assessment told me that it was clearly disabling to *me*. I think having new physical limits is hard to get my head around too - I've always physically been able to do things and now I can't.
I will do my best to rest and recover at a sensible pace. Am also going to continue looking for affordable clothes that feel nice. Thank you <3
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I think the argument can be made that anyone autistic is disabled in today's society. Just because of how it functions and is made is so against how our brains work.
Unsure if this is useful but we've actually found clothes that are labeled as pajamas or even things like undershirts tend to be softer and more tolerable. And if you find decent enough looking ones nobody ever realises that they're not just for normal going out wearing. They are also easier to find in bulk that way too.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
We actually had a really interesting discussion about this after the organisation Claire works for (if you’re interested in the name Lio, pm me, it’ll reveal my location if I post it publicly) set up a group for autistic people to come together once a week and discuss what things they find challenging, and the question of whether or not autism is a disability came up. I’ll share some of the main points from the discussion incase either of you find it helpful, I know I did.
Legally in the UK (not sure about the US Camden, I’m assuming not since theres very little provision from what you’ve said to me in emails etc before) autism is a disability. There are laws in place that protect us from discrimination and other things, like being sacked etc and for kids to have their education adapted accordingly (although these vary in Scotland, so they won’t be relevant, however if you are imterested I can explain them for comparison between different countries). The discussion our group had basically came to the conclusion that although it is legally a dosability, all of our group bar one didn’t see themselves as disabled (I was the one that did, just for info). That opened up an interesting train of thought for me, because if other autistic people don’t see themselves as disabled, then perhaps I could learn not to too. Of course, most of them have been diagnosed much longer than I have, so this isn’t something I’m wxpecting to happen overnight, but heres a few things they pointed out to me which are relevant to you both too:
- we all have degrees (or are in the process of getting them)
- we all live insependently
- we all can look after ourselves (with challenges, yes, but on the whole I think you’re both doing fantastically well in this respect, if my opinion means anything to you).
I think the point the group was trying to make is that although society might see us as disabled and is very neurotypical and ableist, that doesn’t mean we have to lablel ourselves as such. Of course, we will face limitations and challenges but that is ok, because everyone does whether they’re neurotypical or something else, and its important to be kimd to ourselves and remember that.
Lio, I’ll unlock my pms for the next couple of days incase you want to send me one, although I might just pm you with my email address if you’d want it? We’re obviously in different parts of the country, but if you ever feel unable to post in this thread and need some help, you’d be very welcome to use it.
I think the way I look at it is autism in itself isn't a disability. But being autistic in our society is. I don't know if that makes any sense though outside of my head. It sounds like everyone has different thoughts about it.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Thanks both :)
Ali, I may PM you soon, my ability to admin is somewhat diminished today but I would appreciate the information!
I’m not sure how much I agree with this approach, but after my assessment, when I had the meeting with the psychologist afterwards, she said that I had been diagnosed with ASD because I met the criteria for ‘disorder’ - that if it didn’t impact on my ability to function I would not have been diagnosed. I do find it interesting to think about it as a disability caused by society not the individual, and it’s interesting how many people don’t see their autism as a disability.
Definitely something to think about.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
There's a lot of push that I've seen in the autistic community to rename it from being a disorder to condition. So not "autism spectrum disorder" but "autism spectrum condition."
Ugh I don't like how they told it to you at all. That's crappy.
Hope the rest of your day gets better.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I had my second group yesterday and it’s completely wiped me out. I got annoyed because in the past autistic people were considered to be psychopaths (a very triggering concept for me). It was interesting finding out the history of the condition I guess, and the second part of the session was more tolerable because it was about sensory overload amd what different people did to cope with it. I learned a few new strategies that I hadn’t thought of before, and the people are really nice but I’m struggling with the idea of going next week because we’re doing executive functioning and thats a thing I find hard to engage with. Claire said there would be a couple of sessions that I would find hard to engage with because of the content but still saod it was important to go.
Any ideas on how to make it easier to attend next week? Its not until Tuesday so I have a while to implement ideas and practice them.
Is it that the content is triggering or is there some other issue with it? That might depend on what I would suggest.
If it is triggering could you wear headphones and just turn on music? That way you are physically there but do not have to hear it?
I think one important thing to remember is that just because they bring up information or suggestions, it doesn't mean you have to agree with it or try it. I know that does not make it easier to listen to, but at least you don't have to attach any significance to it if that makes any sense?
Could you ask Claire why she thinks it is important to go and what she hopes you will get out if it even when difficult content?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Would it help to take something to do during the more difficult parts? Obviously check/explain beforehand, but I've sometimes taken colouring to groups when I've been finding it difficult to stay present. I can keep half my attention on what's being said because colouring (or doodling) doesn't tend to take up all my attention but I'm also quietly soothing/distracting myself from the triggers.
I like what Camden said too - and it's definitely worth talking about what the positives are of staying in a difficult space, if you are able to.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
