I'm not concerned. More wondering if I need to be. I am unsure what the equivalent of a duty nurse would be here in the US. Than you for responding though.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
If you feel they don't need medical attention, then going to the doctor wouldn't accomplish much - and would actually then be you caring for the wounds in a second hand way, if that makes sense.
I do think you should take a look at them and try to give them a clean, if you can - it will only take a minute and then you can establish if they do need looking at by a professional.
That makes sense. I wouldn't care if someone else wanted to clean them, I just don't care enough to myself. But yea it doesn't seem worth seeing a doctor for. Like, if I can't take responsibility I should not have done it but obviously I was not caring about that at the time.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Psychologist said if I phoned I could make an appointment with the medical doctor she works with and I hate the phone but I tried and was told appointments are only for physicals and women's health so now I feel like an idiot and its not worth it and my group bailed at the last minute (supposedly) so we are not meeting to work on our project after all.
**** today. I feel like self harming now. For no logical reason.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
You're not an idiot; your psych told you something incorrect and that's not your fault.
You say that there's no logical reason for feeling like self-harming so can you try and keep reminding yourself of that? If you do self harm, will it achieve anything in the long run? Does it have the potential to actually make things worse? These kinds of questions are important to keep asking and challenging yourself with so you can fight against those urges x
She knows I hate the phone. I won't even use the phone to tell her when I arrive for appointments. I just sit in the waiting area and eventually she comes out to check and see if I am there because she knows otherwise I will sit there for the entire appointment time or leave. I don't know. I can't walk in and wait and try to explain why I am there. I'm not going to an urgent care. Justin or Allison can't go with me. So it sounds like I just need to suck it up and ignore it. I am sure my heart is fine and I am sure my arm is fine too.
It would make me feel calmer for now. I don't feel guilty about self harming at this point because I feel like I do pretty well with trying to find other ways to do things first. I'm overwhelmed and a professor was supposed to put a quiz up online for me to do today so that I could use my accommodations and that hasn't happened yet either.
I don't know. I am tempted to go back to bed.
edit: thanks ali. i took the bandage off my arm finally. it was starting to itch. it looks fine so whatever.
Last edited by Auror. : 29-01-2015 at 09:33 PM.
Reason: added
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I tried to talk to Justin to apologise for asking him to go to the doctor with me (because apparently I should not have asked? still do not know why) and I wanted to ask him something about school stuff but as usual he just starts going on about how I'm not trying to do anything and if I tried harder then it would help because I have to figure things out myself.
I'm trying. I'm ****ing trying and all everybody says is I'm not. I can't deal with this. I'm so sick of people saying I need to sort things myself but clearly I can't ****ing sort things myself. I'm not handling things. I'm not managing. I'm not coping. But I try to tell somebody and all I get is **** for not trying hard enough. I literally have no friends anymore. I have no job. I'm running out of money. I can't get financial aid for school.
I'm probably just going to lose everything anyways so I should just get it over with and kill myself. But I can't because I weigh too much. I'm beginning to not care. At least even if I weigh too much but am dead it's over with.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Hey, we know you're trying. I'm sure I said just recently I could see you were trying very hard. So it's not "everyone" saying you're not trying (this is an example of that black and white thinking).
I'm sorry to hear Justin is being so ridiculous:(
You're right though, you're not coping and you can't do this alone. Have you got an appointment to go back and see doctor lady?
No no appointment. I've bothered her enough as is.
Nobody has anything to suggest. Professionals don't. All they can offer is hospital which would not be at all helpful and they obviously know this too or they'd have admitted me at some point. Or meds, which I can't do plus risk of od is too high and I know better than to trust myself with meds. Doctor lady just says to come in and talk but that it doesn't change a damn thing, she acknowledged that.
All people say is well don't od again. Don't hurt yourself. Go to class. Do your schoolwork. Reach out for support when you need to because it's better to reach out before doing something but if you do we tell you to sort it yourself and be responsible for yourself.
It's an impossible double standard and I can't meet it.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I have resorted to playing pokemon and being in chat.
I have a test tomorrow but if I even think about school right now I start panicking and I'm already feeling really unsafe. Schoolwork is not happening. I am such a failure.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Yea but I've not studied for the test at all. Completely exhausted. I need to get up and go to school and take the test but I don't know if I can face it. I should just suck it up and go but I'm already terrified and I don't know this professor or what is expected because I missed class this week. It doesn't help that he's head of the department and said to come to his office and take my test there to use my accommodations. It's stupid to be terrified of a test and a professor.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
i got home from taking the dog to the park and my neighbor below me's music was so loud again that my floor was shaking. i went down and asked her to please turn it down, and she basically said that it was rude for me to ask that. (even though she first told me when i moved in to say something to her) She said that it wasn't the music it was her speakers and the bass because she has 4 foot tall huge speakers and all the settings are turned to zero. So she can't turn that down, the only thing she could do is turn the entire system down which she doesn't want to do because she is having a party. That none of the other neighbors ever complain about it but me. And that she never complains about anything I do because she knows that I am living my life and she is living hers.
I told her that if there was something I did that bothered her to please let me know. She said that there are things but it is not her style to complain. I did not bother to point out that I am the only one who lives directly above her, so obviously if my floor (and sometimes walls) are shaking, the other apartments are not likely to notice that. I clarified that I was not asking her to turn her music off, only that my floor is shaking and I was trying to do schoolwork. I'm not disrespectful. I knock on the door, apologise for bothering her, and then ask if she would please be able to turn her music down just a little bit.
I don't want to start something with her. I don't want to call the police and complain, that was why i said something directly to her. I'm afraid she will tell the landlord about my dog and I would have to find either a new place for her to live or break my lease to move.
The apartment itself is very nice, the location is convienent in relation to school, but I literally cannot deal with noise and the floor or walls shaking like that. It makes me panic, get overwhelmed, and then eventually the only way I know how to calm down from it is to self harm. Or it gets so distracting that I feel like I cannot sit in my living room so need to go hide in my room, which I am really trying to spend less time in bed. Even if I am upstairs and I can still hear it I get so distracted. It makes my ears hurt and it just sets me on edge.
I'm sure this is stupid. I could look and see when my lease is up but I am sure it's not sometime until the end of May or June. I don't want to have to move again. I'm so sick of moving and trying to find someplace I would be able to afford that would take my dog, and not be loud would be next to impossible.
I'm so upset now that I don't know what to do.
edit: I am positive they have turned the music up- now I can feel it and hear the vibrations upstairs. I feel like they did it just to spite me.
Last edited by Auror. : 01-02-2015 at 02:26 AM.
Reason: added
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
This sounds really distressing, I'm sorry you're facing this. Can you try and have breaks to go for a walk with the dog so you're not stuck inside? Is there anyone you could stay with for a while?
It might be worth researching "distress tolerance" maybe so ideas will come up to help you deal with the noise, but you're right it isn't fair she is doing this.
I can hear it outside and there are a bunch of kids outside being loud. I did try that but I'm so behind on schoolwork that I really needed tonight to do that. Which now hasn't happened.
I've done a bit of dbt in the past but did not did it useful. Now I've just spent the night worrying about money issues an school because I'm going to end up homeless and jobless etc so obviously being dead makes sense.
Still not talking to Justin and even if I was all he'd say was to call the police on her or suck it up. I didn't know how to explain to her that the floor shaking is more than just an annoyance without sounding like an idiot. So it really is my fault.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Maybe I will look up distress tolerance things when I fel more calm a differen day. Just because it was not helpful then doesn't mean it still won't be. Right now I don't know what to do because I can even feel it in my bedroom, and I am trying to just snuggle with the dog in bed.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I'm sorry to hear you can't sleep. Maybe you're still worked up from the drama earlier and feeling unsettled? Is there something safe you could try to unwind a bit?
I'm sorry to hear you can't sleep. Maybe you're still worked up from the drama earlier and feeling unsettled? Is there something safe you could try to unwind a bit?
