Aimee, I saw the photos and you looked amazing. I'm glad you were able to have such a positive time even though afterwards you didn't feel so good.
Have you ever re-explored the possible bipolar diagnosis with your psychiatrist? I think what you were saying about being at the zoo and feeling like everything will be okay, and then crashing and melting down later is typical of my own behaviour and I am diagnosed bipolar. Maybe it would be good to talk about it and to see if a new diagnosis might lead to a change in the direction of your treatment which might help. A fresh input.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
Sarah yes I was confirmed for the second time as bipolar type II last year so I'm on a mood stabilizer with my antidepressants. I thank you for sharing your thoughts about that because I often feel"fake" about it, even though I know I meet the criteria. But it does give her more scope to adjust medication and I probably wouldn't have mentioned the up feelings if you hadn't prompted me so thank you.
I'll read over this thread just before my aappointment to remind me to tell her.
I thought I looked absolutely disgusting in the photos but I put them up trying to bravely accept nobody is going to judge me the way I do, and of course dingoes :3
Thanks Katie xxx I did relax and have a shower with my lush things which was nice. You're right she does appreciate honesty. It will be hard but it's what she is there for and she needs all the information to help me.
I hope you're able to talk to her about these things tomorrow :) re-reading the thread is a good idea.
I'm glad you were able to relax.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Carmen unfortunately there isn't much I can do about my research. We discussed if it was possible to take an intermission from it and it's not. I've been sneakily taking time off but it's going to cost me.
I have a meeting with both my research supervisors at different times this week so I will talk to them. I've been told to tell them exactly how much I'm struggling which I'm sure will fall out anyway.
Psychiatrist shortly, I will try and tell her everything. See how it goes.
Ah I was able to briefly skip the recruiting component, well my supervisor doesn't know.
I was able to be really honest with her and then she said she appreciated it so I was able to open up completely about my plans and that I hadn't been taking my medication.
She was really good about it, although I said I felt like she was angry she said she wasn't but said it was a stupid thing to do (the overdose). She did say she would continue to prescribe me the medication for my anxiety if I said I would start taking it as prescribed (daily) and I said I would. That medication was a huge help to me so it was great she's still willing to prescribe it to me.
Otherwise we just made plans to be safe for the whole week as this is a high risk week for me. I think once I get through it I will be okay.
I'm supposed to be at uni working on my data. I need to discuss it tomorrow morning at 10:30 and it isn't finished. But I decided to come home instead (it's 6:30pm) and rest. If I don't finish in the morning I'm just going to have to front up to the meeting and honestly tell him I didn't finish it, and here is why. The meeting is to determine if we can scale back the project and I think my inability to cope right now is reason enough.
I have carried on enough, thank you for caring and reading x
I absolutely lost it tonight and cried and cried and cried harder than I ever have in my life. It was like the last bit of light in my soul had been crushed and suddenly everything got too much. I feel completely pathetic.
I called my mum, distraught, and she and my brother came over and sat with me. I told them about the overdose and it was so bloody hard. It was so uncomfortable. But they've arranged a dinner for tomorrow so I'm not alone. At this point I don't even feel unsafe I feel distraught. .
I have never experienced anything like this complete surge of desperation before in all my years of depression, and it was very scary.
I am sorry you had such a bad night but am super proud of you for phoning your mum.
I hope your meeting goes ok, don't beat yourself up if you don't get it done, considering how you are feeling and coping at the moment it is a credit to you and your inner strength that you are managing to do what you are doing. I know how hard it can be and I am truly in awe of your spirit to keep fighting.
I hope today goes better, I get how scary it can be to be in that such emotionally raw desperate state but hold on to the ray of light that you have people around you that care deeply for you. Also be gentle with yourself today in the few times I've experienced something similar I've been struck by how exhausted and drained I am the following day.
I really appreciate and needed those kind words about the meeting. It's in 2 hours and I haven't left my bed so I have little time to finalize anything.
You're right I'm completely drained. I'm completely sad. I want to speak to familiar friends but I don't think they are here for me any more. And I hate having my family know about the pills so I sent my brother a text this morning to say that even though I didn't want to be here any more it wasn't because I didn't love him but because the depression thoughts got too much. I sent it to my mum too and she said she understood, which was helpful.
Last edited by Snow White. : 29-04-2014 at 01:08 AM.
Thank you Carmen I did get some rest. My research meeting went well, it was difficult being honest with my supervisor but I was able to be mature about it and tell him how I felt without blaming it in the research, but explaining my capacities right now. The project has been reduced down and I'm taking a small break from recruiting.
Last night was tough. It feels like a real breakdown I've not experienced anything quite like it, which after many years of depression is quite frightening. I opened up to more friends today which has helped and I'm taking the afternoon to have a hot chocolate under a blanket.
Tomorrow is a big day, but I'll stop going on.
Thank you Carmen your support means a lot to me, to not be going through this alone xxx
Just wanted to stop by to let you know I'm reading this and that I'm thinking of you. I am also struggling so unfortunately i do have any encouraging words for you, sorry Aimee. Hang in there. "massive hugs"
Carmen I think you are right, I feel pretty brave for being able to say a lot of things today that I really needed to, and to get my research within a reasonable limit. I definitely still feel like fighting through this. Having family know makes me a great deal more accountable to getting through this.
Tomorrow I see my other research supervisor to tell her what has been going on and have classes and a lot ofother things on iincluding a dinner with ask the staff on my course. Nervous about that but I'm sure it'll be okay. I'm taking my medication properly too and moved my next psychologist appointment sooner.
Well done for moving your psychiatrist appointment closer, and for taking your medication correctly.
I hope you meeting with your supervisor went okay.
How are you feeling now?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Sorry I didn't reply sooner I didn't really feel like my thread deserved to be bumped.
The meeting with my supervisor went well she was very understanding.
I had to leave class today because we were doing role plays on clinical interviews and the therapist was playing the client while us students asked questions. He did a depression client that was severe and it just mirrored everything I've been going through. I had to leave because I couldn't get myself grounded back into class and was getting distressed and anxious. So I sat in a room nearby and did mindfulness and then rested until class was over.
I know it seems like nothing but it made me uncomfortable and I think that anxiety has been with me all evening, I've had two valiums just to try and settle myself.
The lecturer didn't know why I left so I came back at end of class and said I was sorry and he said "so you should be" in a joking manner but I don't him I wasn't in the mood (quite abrasively?) And then told him I left because it just hit home too much because I've been going through that recently. He back peddled from his joke and apologized, asked if I wanted to talk and said it was ok for me to leave. So it was a good response but I'm just so sick of being like this having to have special chats to teachers.
I think things are coming together a little though. Cautiously optimistic.
Hey lovely, cautiously optimistic is excellent <3 I am so proud of you for being able to say that after how crappy things have been. Well done for managing to do what you need to to look after yourself xxx
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Thank you.
I was doing okay but now I'm struggling.
My friend is struggling and told our code coordinator after class. The coordinator asked if she had any friend support and she said me, and the coordinator said that wasn't a good idea because of my mental health. She said "don't seek support from that side of the room" and only me and one other person was sitting on that side and she also has mental health problems.
It hurt that she still thinks of me as that she doesn't even know I've been struggling this year.
I'm struggling with my weight and feeling bad about that.
I got my tattoo design but I don't know if it's a really good representation of my dog.
