I'm still on a medical ward getting treatment for the od, not in the clear yet think my levels were quite high. It's been complicated because I'm now allergic to the treatment but there are no other treatments available so they've had to be extremely careful watching me very closely and just give me the treatment anyway. Apparently I took enough to 'kill a fat man' and apparently I'm not a fat man but I'm in denial. Massively. To me this was just causal self harm for want of a better term, with some vague suicidal intentions but people are saying its serious. I need to get a grip.
I'm glad you're still getting help to make yourself well again.
Have you had any MH input after this OD?
I hope they manage to bring your levels to where they should be and you recover well.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
No I haven't had any mental health input yet I'm not sure if I'll be seeing crisis or not. But I just texted my cpn telling him I'd od'd and that I need to talk about being angry with him, for when I later chicken out and changed mind. I've also told my mum, bf and best friend despite not wanting to and they are all really worried and working hard to smash through my denial.
It sounds like even in a difficult situation and with thoughts of not wanting to you have made some positive steps, so well done.
I imagine once your physical health is sorted they will suggest some mh input.
Well done for getting support.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
thanks x
Everyone seems to think I'm going to die.. I know I have a dendency to downplay things and I might actually die but it's so annoying and stressful and I have nothing to say to reassure them.
Hi Katie, How is the treatment going? Has it finished yet? Did your CPN reply to your text message? I really hope you do see crisis/psych and that they put some proper support in place.
Did they mean die from this overdose? Is the treatment not working?
Thinking of you.
x
When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?
Don't known if the treatment is working or not until after it's finished and bloods have been taken. But it's worked loads of times before I can't see why that would be any different now. Yep everyone thinks I'm gona die from the od because it was a lethal amount but like I say why wouldn't the treatment work like it has done before? Treatment doesn't finish until late tonight and they want to then monitor me overnight because I had a reaction to it. Plus I have to see crisis. It'll mean I've been in 3 nights which is way longer than normal. And that's only if bloods are ok. Cpn hasn't replied as he doesn't work weekends, he'll get the txt tomorrow morning and we'll talk after that. I regret sending him the text tbh which I knew I would later on. It all feels a bit of a nightmare right now.
As much as I hate saying this, just because the treatment has worked in the past doesn't mean it will this time. I really hope it does though of course.
I hope you manage to speak to your CPN tomorrow however awkward it may be.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
I hope your bloods will be okay. I hope you will get better from the treatment. Thinking of you. Stay strong. If you ever want to talk feel free to PM me anytime.
Love From Meera xx
“The only way that we can live is if we grow. The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we are exposed is if we throw ourselves into the open.”
I really hope the treatment does work. I'm not sure if you feel up to it but it might be worth thinking about what you're going to say to the crisis team and your CPN. What do you think would help right now? Would you feel safe going back home?
x
When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?
Thanks for the replies and support. I should do yeah, I'm just exhausted. Managed to eat something for the first time since I got here though so guess that's good. I don't think I want day hosp or ip just want to go home. Feel safe enough. Don't think I'd be offered either anyway. I'm hoping the treatment will work too so I can go home/avoid liver failure. That being said I have no idea if I do want to die or not.
Hey Katie,
Do you feel safe though honestly to go home? You've been having such a hard time recently with uni, christmas, family and lots of anxiety and worrying about your sister.
The reason why the treatment may not work as well as it has done before because your body gets used to it and every time they do the treatment to counteract what you have taken it still damages your liver and kidney functioning. With you being slightly allergic to the treatment isn't good either and maybe the cumulative damage you have done by all your overdoses add up. Although you may have been given the all clear last time your liver doesn't repair itself as well as other organs therefore it could be longer term damage.
If you continue taking 'big' overdoses whether it being self harm or the 'want' to die; your body may not be as lucky next time and you may not mean to next time take the overdose to die but you could do longer term damage and be on dialysis or stuff like that and then maybe you may actually wish you were dead.
Just becareful Katie.... I know from us talking that you dying is not what you want right now. I know you want to get through the hard patch you are in and I know you really want to be there for your younger sister!
Maybe when your CPN talks to you tomorrow you can discuss what may help and what will get you through this patch safely! I really hope you do get through this because you are an amazing person who has been through so much. You have the strength and courage to stick with you treatment and finish your degree! You can do this lovely! I know you know you can.
Text me whenever... Im here for you! xxxx
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
I sincerely hope the treatment does work this time as it has in the past; however it's worth taking note of what the posters above have said - sometimes these things stop having such an effect after time.
What support do you would be helpful for you to remain safe in the community?
Thinking of you <3
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Thank you both, I'll reply properly later, heads a bit mashed.
My boyfriend came and made his feelings clear. It was very stressful. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep living this way and doing this to everyone. Everyone, including me, has well and truly had enough. Wouldn't it be simpler if I just ended it all, quickly and cleanly, now? I could write a few notes and go jump of a multi story car park, and we'd all be free. It's so appealing. I just don't want to hurt my sister. I'm sick of being confused about whether I should commit suicide or not. I feel like I should just get it over and done with once and for all.
I could do. Thing is if I refuse to see crisis I could self discharge tonight and get out of here. Drip is just finishing, I'm assuming bloods will be fine and shouldn't take too long to come back. I don't know if I'm safe. But maybe that's the point.
When you're not sure, the only reasonable thing to do, is not do anything.
Think about it,, if you are fed up of this and freely admit this cannot carry on, then you are contemplating change at least. Sometimes the bit building up before you put your foot down and make active changes is actually the most crucial. This hating the way you live currently; the way it makes you feel and the things it leads you to do- is really important. Don't give up now.
I'd stay in overnight; at least then you will be able to see your normal team come Monday, but know you'll be safe till then. I know its not ideal, but going home after something like this, without anyone there with you, is a bad idea. It would be for me, anyway.
As for the treatment side of things, you should listen to them. I have taken a few ODs of the stuff and my reactions have been different each time. I was on the drip for 11 days once and liver specialists were called for advice, then again, I was in for 2 nights and fine after that. I think you need to be less complacent about treatment working. You are lucky if treatment works well. It doesn't always, and whilst this sounds like an ambivilant attempt on your life; the worst can and does happen. Completed suicide is always a tragedy, but when you take recurrent OD's I think it can also mean that the person wasn't sure. That question left behind has to be the most painful for those we leave. I hope what I am saying makes some sense. Play with fire and you will get burnt.
How are things now re treatment? I am pretty sure unless you have had a psych assessment they're not going to be in a hurry to send you home. Please take the support.
Thank you for being honest lovely <3 you're right about needing to listen to them and take it seriously. Treatment is finished for now, finally, such a relief, and they'll take bloods in a bit.
I asked them if I have to stay in and they said yes, I haven't asked if I can self discharge anyway, I'm too tired to argue with anyone. I don't know if they'd try and section me or not. I don't want that anyway. So I think I'll just stay. Can't jump off a multi story car park if I'm in hospital! I have to wait on bloods and crisis in the morning anyway.
Thanks everyone for the ongoing support, means the world xxx
I don't have many words but I'm glad you're safe in hospital for the time being. Try to resist the urge to self-discharge.
I hope it goes okay with Crisis.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I changed my mind, I can't sleep, I'm starting to dissociate, and I need to get the fuck out. I requested to self discharge they said they'd have me arrested if I leave. Bastards.
Edit. Said bloods aren't 'quite normal' and I 'need to have a serious think about whether I need to see crisis or not'. Don't know whether I'll need more treatment or not. Waiting on a doc to review. Resisting the urge to run. Can't be arsed with being chased by police and dragged back.
