I tried to figure out how I felt without looking through the thread first incase I bias myself. I think I still want to hurt myself when I am alone, and I still have major doubts about uni but I'll probably go in and discuss those today once I know when I'm finished with the crisis team. So only a mildly traumatic day planned. I think I'll buy a smoothie to con me into a uni meeting.
I've just seen the crisis team and they're going to come back tomorrow morning to chat again. I can't say it was overly helpful they just took my history.
I feel completely depressed and so low, I just want to give up and cry. I'm left with no clue now about if I bother to speak to someone at uni and I really do just want to break down now. How has this happened.
edit: I'm going to meet the coordinator at 2pm today. If nothing else I need to talk about missing class and the assignment. I'm nervous and scared and sad.
Last edited by Snow White. : 02-08-2013 at 02:32 AM.
I think it's natural to feel dejected not to get much of a response from the crisis team. I hope they at least do something with the information they took to ensure support is provided soon.
Hope uni goes well. Now you've acknowledged how much stress this course is putting you under maybe it'll be the more useful thing to address in the shirt term.
I saw the uni coordinator who I was really honest with about how depressed I am and how things are so tough and that I am alone. He actually asked at one point (after I mentioned the crisis team) if I felt like hurting myself, and I said yes. Which is the most honest I've ever been to a lecturer. I feel a bit embarrassed looking back, but he was very supportive and helped me to brainstorm things to help me with uni, doing things at my pace and delaying things that I can. I guess it's good I was so honest so that he knew isntead of just mild depression (which could be more manageable) it is severe.
As such, I've delayed my confirmation from August to the next date (Sometime in November), which I am extremely disappointed about in having to do, but it has reduced a lot of pressure.
I then also spoke to my supervisor and he was extremely amazing. He also said delaying the confirmation was good - doing it in August was just racing ahead. He was kind and really cared about me and what we could do to ease the work load. It was great.
I'm exhausted. I'm so tired, I'm going to take the night off studying and try and treat myself to some nice food and some wine and a heated blanket. I'm so glad crisis team are coming back tomorrow though cause I still don't feel all that better, either, even though I'm glad the conversations went well, though I don't know if I did the right thing by going into detail and now I have to tell several people about my delaying and the reasons.
I don't remember much of the conversation so I am not sure if I didn't say something embarrassing. I did have to wite down our plan and people to email because I had forgot them by the end :/
Amazing news, well done for being so honest. I'm glad it has paid off in reducing some of the workload. It's even better that you're planning to relax and take care of yourself tonight.
I'm glad you've got some of the pressure taken off. It sounds positive. Be careful with the wine though, okay? It might reduce your inhibitions and you might become impulsive again.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I'm secretly hoping it will but it's very very low strength so I think the worst that can happen is I'll go through all the pringles. Which I would have done anway :P But more than likely I'll fall asleep. I'm glad crisis are coming tomorrow morning, that will keep me safe.
I'm glad things worked for you thumbelina! And beucase I've started it then when it comes around to November I'll have started a lot of it any way which will help.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : suicide method discussion
Um, I think I may want to hang myself a lot, tonight.
I'm going to try and talk to an online crisis thing. Things are veryv ery very bad right now but I don't know how to make the hanging work without, well, I won't go into details.
Last edited by Snow White. : 04-08-2013 at 07:12 AM.
Please please please don't do that aimee. I will.read and reply to everything else when Im home but i just saw the hanging thing and had to say something. Please do whatever you need to to stay safe... For yourself but also it would be devastating for your dad to come home and find you xx
