jenna said everything i was gonna.
thinking of you <3
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
ok, I do understand that [much as I nag you to talk about ALL the things!].
You are seriously ill. And N and Dr A don't know, because they don't know the half of what you're going through. But you are ill. You have all these dangerous thoughts and instructions and it's spinning out of control. Let me help you. Please?
I don't think you have any idea how much more than all this you are worth, darling. Remember the promises I made you, they'll always stand.
It's time for you to start living and breathing again, Jodie.
I wish I was closer, I really do, but Jenna is a champion hand-holder, please listen to her; she talks truths and makes ALL the sense when she's not on about rusty spoons.
Love you, popkin.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
Jodie, although we've only spoken a handful of times, I think you're a wonderful person. You don't deserve this pain, and I really hope you find some peace.
On a serious note, I hope you're managing to get some sleep, you need to get some rest, beautiful. Going to write you a letter tomorrow <3
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
^Very awkward... who's sleeping with who again? I'm blates sleeping with ALL the people.
I feel strange now we're in April. I wish I could move all the bad things to after May because that's when I have my exams. Sadly I have to get through the bad things AND revision AND a report AND exams. I think I'm falling apart. I think I've made myself ill by doing none of the sleeping and fucking around with me medication.
I managed to shower myself as a whole entity rather than washing in parts the other day. First time in ages. But I also found fresh-ish cuts which is sad. Not sure when I did those so I can't fill my chart out for N.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to go tot he Havens to see the MH-and-SA advocacy lady. I don't know... She kinda tricked me into going, and the lady who offers therapy related to SA keeps trying to trick me into going to meet with her, despite the fact she's supposed to work with actual victims.
Ha ha so much Malfoy manor related incest going on here ;-p
It sounds as though things are really difficult and you really won't be helping yourself if you're stopping yourself sleeping, I know recently when I struggled to sleep my mood went down the toilet. Could you maybe try taking some sort herbal sleep remedy (half of one, given the effect melatonin had on you ;-p)?
Well done with the showering, I understand that that is such a big deal for you, that's a really big step! *cheerleads*
You deserve the SA worker's time just as much as anyone else. What happened was not your fault and you deserve every ounce of support offered to you to work through that.
And thought this might amuse you:
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
Please please try and get yourself back into the routine with taking your meds and actually sleeping! You need sleep so that your body can function properly and also so that your mind can function properly. I will troll you into routine this weekend :/
Well done for showering yourself, so proud of that step forward. It must be really hard finding cuts you don't know you did, is that something you can tell N?
You deserve ALL the help from ALL the people so please try to engage with it. You are such a lovely, kind, amazing person who has been through horrible things and these people might be able to help!
the lady who offers therapy related to SA keeps trying to trick me into going to meet with her, despite the fact she's supposed to work with actual victims.
You are an actual victim.
Please please please start taking your meds properly and letting yourself sleep. You can recover from this and keep living and fight all these demons, but it's a tough ride, and you need to be in the best frame of mind possible to fight it.
I know you don't care, but until you do, I'll do ALL the caring for you. You will get your life worth living someday, and we're all right in front of you to lead the way/drag you kicking and screaming towards it during the times when you've lost faith.
I really can't add more to what has been said by the others but Jodie you deserve so much more then this. Please take your meds, speak to people, allow your friends and people like the SA lady help you. You can recover from this but you can't do it alone.
Loss is hard and while in some ways some people deal eventually you have to appreciate and accept that many won't. To some your passing, by your own hand on top, would irrevocably change their lives and really have a devastating affect.
I'm sorry if this is harsh. I do care about you. I'm sorry also your parcel is so delayed it is en route though.
Much much love to you. <3 I'm here if ever you want to talk. I can relate so much to the fear and the reasons or reasoning behind what yu do to counteract the feelings of being unsafe.
So many Malfoys and Lestranges in this thread. It's like a Death Eater's Christmas dinner.
Jodie, I know we haven't really talked much outside of the various Harry Potter threads that keep springing up, but I just thought I'd let you know I'm thinking of you and I hope you're hanging in there. You may have noticed that I'm on Facebook every night at ungodly hours, so if you feel like talking to someone, don't be too shy to send me a PM or something. My one and only practical skill in life is my ability to withstand an epic tidal wave of a rant, listen respectfully and occasionally improvise a really fantastic response. If that sounds like something you'd be interested in, go for it, anytime.
-Your loving, terrified nephew.
Last edited by The War Doctor : 06-04-2012 at 04:48 AM.
Just wanted to let you know Im thinking of you and hope you feel a bit better than you did. Try and work with the SA lady I know its really hard. I understand you feeling overwhelmed if its the time of year when things get really hard. Even though its difficult focus on the things that make you smile rather than the memories.
Remember there are a lot of people here who care for you and are willing to help/talk if you need it ok? Please try and be safe because no one wants you to get hurt.
*bump*
Jodie could do with some support right now. She's uncomfortable with her weight and thinks she needs to get back down to a certain number in order to keep people safe. She also has lots of flashbacks of the rape and dissociates quite badly when she's alone.
Also, if anyone knows of anything productive that I could do to help le Jodie, please let me know? I mainly annoy her by making her eat, and hold her hand and hope for the best. If there's anything I could do that would actually help, then I'd do it. I hate feeling so helpless. [/jennawoes].
But yeah, send ALL the love for Jodie!
Also, Jodie, I love you. I wish I had the proper words and knowledge to help you, but in the absence of that, I'm just going to try to look after you the best I can and provide suitable revision motivation and entertainment in the revision breaks [so excited for the farm tomorrow!].
And if Fi were here and not raving it up with Jesus in Lourdes, I'm sure she'd vastly approve of me sending you this:
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-4qSKS7VDY&feature=youtube_gdata_player"]Voldemort's retarded laugh HD - YouTube[/ame]
Jodie Hun I don't know if this will help but I found when I was having really strong physical flashbacks I found using sensory tools to bring myself back. At the time I was in a ward with a sensory room but you don't actually need that. Try things like incense and perfume for smell. And either hard or soft things for touch depending on what you feel like. I don't know if your flashbacks involve taste but really strong flavours can help with that. Listen to music that us soothing for hearing and maybe look at happy pictures for sight - sight is obviously a hard one as you are usually already seeing something but the other ones work really well for bringing yourself back to reality.
I don't know if these will help you but i hope they do and make it easier for you to feel better. Remember your safe and that people care about you
The video brought back good memories :)
Jodie, I know you find it really hard to see that what you believe will keep everyone safe isn't necessary but please try. Use whatever logical thinking helps you and try to believe what other people say.
You are very tiny and losing weight will only cause your health to deteriorate.
I'm sorry you're having such horrible flashbacks, I hope they lessen as April goes away.
Thinking of you
xxxx
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
Also another possibly helpful thing would be having a hot or cold shower (obviously not too hot) but enough to I guess "wake you up" from the flashback space. Also using nice smelly soaps and stuff would be a good sensory thing as well.
Firstly, Jenna! Voldemort has no nose, of course he'll laugh funny! Give the guy a break, man! :P
Secondly, I love you Jodie and I'm sorry you are struggling so much. You really don't deserve to be going through such a horrific time. I'm glad you have Jenna to look out for you! You are beautiful and amazing and so very lovely, I know that one day you'll get the happiness you deserve.
Love you *Squishes*
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
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