no, if i hadnt have started i would never have done all the positive things i have now.
i wouldnt have gone to the college i am at
i wouldnt have met my grlfriend
i would still be that girl who wont talk to anyone about anything
i wouldnt appriciate stephen fry as much
it has made me appriciate this....."what doesnt beat you makes you stronger"....i now know that it is true
We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.
I don't regret it because I don't consider it a personal decision. The bruises or cuts I inflict on myself come strictly as a reaction to social circumstances. The omnipresent violence of society writes itself on my body.
Yes, I regret starting because now I can't stop..
No, because its away of coping for me. I can also understand things that people can't... :\
It's okay not to be okay...
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising, Just be true to who you are..<3
Mostly yes. The things that have left visable scars I regret deeply but I wonder if I would be here to say this if I had not turned to those methods at the time? Maybe the decision to start was foolish but it definitely kept me alive.
SH has definitely changed my outlook and personality and has developed certain positive aspects of my character that were lacking beforehand, such as empathy and being less judgemental.
On the other hand SH has stripped me of my niaeveity of life and has taught me that people are not always as forgiving as you would expect. SH has shown me brutality and has put me in places I would never thought I'd be even in my wildest dreams. SH has also made me engage in acts I never thought I would be capeable of.
I say SH throughout all of this but really I mean 'the decision I made to SH', for me 'SH' is not an evil 'force' or 'master'- I always make the decisions.
I regret each and every overdose I have taken. Despite fulfilling a certain purpose they hurt other people as well as myself and this is not my intention I deeply regret them. If I hadn't started to OD my life would be immensureable different in so many ways.
Last edited by chinahorse : 21-03-2011 at 02:02 AM.
Reason: annoying spelling and such
[quote=chinahorse;2737808]Mostly yes. The things that have left visable scars I regret deeply but I wonder if I would be here to say this if I had not turned to those methods at the time? Maybe the decision to start was foolish but it definitely kept me alive.
SH has definitely changed my outlook and personality and has developed certain positive aspects of my character that were lacking beforehand, such as empathy and being less judgemental.
On the other hand SH has stripped me of my niaeveity of both life and has taught me that people are not always as forgiving as you would expect. SH has shown me brutality and has put me in places I would never thought I'd be in my wildest dreams. SH has also made me engage in acts I never thought I would be capeable of.
I say SH throughout all of this but really I mean 'the decision I made to SH', for me 'SH' is not an evil 'force' or 'master'- I always make the decisions.
I regret each and every overdose I have taken. Despite fulfilling a certain purpose they hurt other people as well as myself and this is not my intention I deeply regret them. If I hadn't have started to OD my life would be immensureable different in so many ways.[/quote]
Thats exactly how i feel Lillie.
I still find it hard to believe i would be in A&E scared sh*tless, as i had messed up my wrist again :( I can't believe i c=got that low and that bad.. sadly the scars remind me
I regret that I ever started self harming. I'm not sure who I'd be if I hadn't ever self harmed - SI has had a huge impact on the past 5 years of my life: how I think, how I dress, where I go, what I do, what I say. It’s created lies and secrets and distances between me and others in order to keep my secret safe… but I regret starting SI because right now I'm trying to stop…
And it doesn't go away. It's nearing 4 months without SI for me, and some days, some hours, some minutes, I feel completely over it. Like SI will never, ever, possibly be a problem for me again.
Then I turn around, and I am craving it to the point where I have physical sensations. It disgusts me that I can want to hurt myself - it feels so wrong in my mind. And yet, I do want to harm myself.
Other times, the feelings don't come with any guilt at all. That’s when it’s hardest to remember why I don’t want to hurt me. Because it feels like I deserve it, like it will make me feel better, like it is the best and only choice. The thought patterns caused, or more likely simply strengthened, by self harm don't just go away. They have become a part of me and any chance that these thoughts were once not an core part of who I am has been long wiped out by the years of cutting I've allowed myself.
I don't like myself. I can't stand myself. I have huge expectations for myself - and I’ll never be good enough. Self Harm has not made me a better person like I have sometimes hoped it would. Self Harm has not strengthened relationships of any sort for me - there was no knight in shining armor, best friend, or mentor to pull me out of my internal pain like is illustrated in teen novels. No, it's me - just me - who started to hurt myself and now it is up to me to stop hurting myself.
I don't have good coping mechanisms. I have lies and scars and secrets that make already frightening social situations paralyzing. I have a childhood stained by a heavy, taboo subject that can't be excused by it’s commonness like alcohol or sex, nor can it be seen sympathetically like illness or abuse. It's just me, and my mind, and the bad choice I made to 'fix' thing by cutting my flesh.
Despite how much I regret starting, I still want to hurt myself. And that makes me regret it even more. I can see how bad it is, how huge the consequences are, and still I want to continue. That's why I regret starting. Because once you rely on self harm, I'm not sure you can ever stop.
Sorry for the novel, it's a good question and helped me think some things out. I needed to remember why I don't want to break my SI-free period right now. I've been kind of struggling recently.
Silence can be golden but gold can sometimes suffocate
Like that girl in that James Bond film, too late to respirate
Tragedy can be plain to see with lights and sirens
But sometimes it ain't quite so clear, Domestic Silence
~Scroobius Pip
No, I don't regret it because I wouldn't be who I am today if I had of not gone through what I have.
The scars are a constant reminder though and that makes it difficult.. so I guess in some ways I regret ruining my entire left arm.
Ive been reading others peoples comments, and like some, I don't know if I regret it.
SH changed me. Made me a stronger person, but at the same time I lost myself along the way and i'm only finding her again. I keep wondering who I would be today if I never started
But helped me through one of the hardest times in my life, but it didn't work out how i planned. It caused more problems than problems sloved. So in a way I do regret starting
One thing I know I don't regret is the scars. I know that sounds strange. But I don't see them as others might. My scars remind me of where ive been and what ive been through. And I know they're fade in time, but to me they will always be there and will remind of whats happened.
Does any of this make sense? Meh, does to me. :)
"A mirror reflects what is upon the outside, but not what is upon the inside. The outside may be scarred and broken, but on the inside you are beautiful."
"Recovery can be more than just those breaks in between your falls"
I don't really regret starting.
It all started of with scratching.
and, I had no control of it.
But anyway, I do regret cutting in some places (my wrists, arms, and stomach).
