I'm ill. I haven't done much all day. Bf is going out for counselling to get a special status at uni but I think he is too far gone. I am silently preparing myself for the worst even though somewhere I know this can't be happening. I actually wrote down one of his French poems in my journal last night, and his nicknames for looking up fanfiction on the internet later on. Why am I doing this?
I am tired as hell and I am supposed to go to work tomorrow and the day after. Then I'm going to his place. I'll call him tonight.
J'aimerai revoir un sourire sur ton visage,
Et te dire que ta quête vers le bonheur
n'est pas un mirage.
Ces vers te sont dédiés, Princesse
d' un desert que je ne saurai pas approcher.
Lynx, I'm sorry to hear about what's going on with your boyfriend. What do you mean, you think he's "too far gone"? you mean what's been going on at uni? Sorry if that seems too nosy... :-/ How are YOU doing besides exhausted? how've you been feeling? I can only imagine being extremely stressed... *gentle hugs*
Oliver, how are you doing this afternoon?
I'm doing meh. Went out with my mum for awhile, took one of their two dogs to the vet's then went out for bagels & coffee (or in my case, orange juice, since I'm ill, lol). Then went to Walmart where I probably overspent... ugh. I still feel passively suicidal, like I'd rather not be here & like it would be easier on everyone around me if I weren't. I don't know. I just am sick of being a burden. :(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
*cuddles April* sorry your still feeling so low, anything I can do to help?
*cuddles Lynx* sorry your not well and that your bf is going through a tough time
I'm not great, tired keep falling asleep, managed to get into town though and did get to my doctors appointment and am being referred to a psychotherapist for an appointment before I can be referred to the gender identity clinic, so hopefully will get an appointment in about 6 weeks. But I'm feeling pretty low and **** at the moment.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Apparently, he survived the consultation and got PDD as a diagnosis. I don't know what form of PDD he's got according to whoever he and his mum and nosy granduncle visited today, but it's not new to me. He asked me to help him with studying. If all goes well he'll be doing his philosophy exam in 10 days. I really, really hope he'll get to move along.
If I say he's too far gone, then I mean that he may be too traumatised to go on in the end... I don't know if he's going to survive all this. Also he can't seem to cope with the abuse I suffered from. I hope this'll be temporary. Anyway, I'm nearly going to bed. I have a yeast infection, at least it doesn't hurt like hell any more, a throat infection and I need to go to work this weekend. Oh, don't you just love life...
We all made mistakes in our lifepath.... It's just how you deal with them...
How have I been feeling? I've been ill all week and I still need to e-mail my therapist so she knows I'm still alive and I want to go through with this.
April, I've been knowing that feeling for years. It's starting to come back and I don't know if that's a good thing or not.
Oliver, thanks for the cuddles. Cuddles back, you seem to be needing them.
*cuddles Lynx* sounds like your and your bf are both going through a tough time, I really hope he gets to do his exam. sorry your ill, yeah life can really stink sometimes.
thanks too for the cuddles, yeah I'm going through a tough time, but at least I am now on the, slow, process of getting treatment for my gender identity, but it doesn't help all the crap feelings that come with it.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
*cuddles Kat* glad you're ok
I'm not so great, tried to get some sleep and couldn't so watching some dead ringers to try and make me do something different for a bit then try to get some sleep again and a lot of stuff going round my head, lots to think about and try to resolve and stuff, but I was referred to a psychotherapist by doctor today so thats good.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
