frozenfairytale, i can relate to what you're saying, when im in the middle of it, it is so hard to know what you're doing and be logical and just, i dont know, control yourself properly. do you think youd be able to practice it when you're not dissociating, so when you are, you are better at it?
and im really sorry you're feeling like that facet. i want to say i hope you're ok, but i know thats a stupid thing to say, but you know what i mean.
i had to ask my housemate to look after my sleeping tablets today because i had a 'crisis' lastnight and felt very suicidal. i self harmed really quite alot and i dont really remember it properly. i think thats the worst ive dissociated so far.
my therapist mentioned dissociative disorder to me again today, but i still havnt been properly diagnosed, so im still not 100% sure that that is what this actually is.
Hope everyone is doing ok.
sorry im a bit of a post-whore at the moment. seem to be spending alot of time on my laptop.
Labyrinth,
What do you mean attached itself to you?
Is that a gaia thing?
frozenfairytale
The thing with grounding (sort of what Headrush said) is that you need to practice a lot, so when you are distressed or dissociation, you are able to implement them at the time you need them. It does take a lot of practise.
Headrush
Sorry you had such a hard night, we're glad you were able to remove the medication, are you taking care of your self-harm injuries? Keeping them clean?
Do you know what triggered it all?
I hope you are feeling better than last night.
We went to the beach today for 'sport' with the group. It was beautiful - sunny, warm the beach was gorgeous. We wish we could go on a holiday and just be by the beach....
It really calmed us, we've been feeling very overwhelmed with everything going on inside, memories, flashbacks, the inability to sleep...we listened to some music that we played a lot on a holiday when we were younger at the beach and it was just so nice...
It made us sad though, that those times were gone, but we know we are able to do things and make new memories now, it is still sad though.
Or T/Dr is away for a couple of days, and we didn't think much of it, except the next couple are the ones we are going to need her most :(:(:(:(
I've had the headache for the past two or three days. Hurts so bad, just popping pain relievers to feel like I'm doing something to help it even though I know it won't work. I need it to go away. Getting dizzy too.
Are you eating enough Facet? Perhaps the headache and dizziness is a sign of lack of nutrition? Or else it is related to DID, do you have any clues about what is going on inside, if thats what you think the headaches and dizziness are all about?
We're terrified today. We're hiding in our room at H, and was only just able to get our meds and rush a cigarette. And it is such a beautiful day outside too... We want today and the days around it to GO AWAY. So much noise inside, too many feelings and images. finish bad, stop stop make finish!
we're having a hard day today. We're glad the day is almost over - now just wait for the night to pass. *hides* we spent most of today hiding under the covers, rapid switching, pain, images, and exhaustion.
We're ready for it to stop now.
Sending positive thoughts, warmth and hugs to everyone here. We don't have the words for much right now, but we hope everyone is safe and surviving. Keeping you all in our thoughts. xx
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
I dissociated so bad last night at the halloween party. Has anyone every felt really confused and blank while they were dissociating? This was how I felt. My perception was also off. Like there was a fire and I kept thinking it was going to burn me, but then I realized I was actually not that close.
Just wanted to tell everyone that we aren't up to posting, but we are thinking of you all and we care about you.
Things are really tough for us at the moment, and we're doing our best to keep our head above water. We're still in hospital and seeing our psych frequently (every couple of days) which is a great help, but the stuff we are working on with her we don't even feel close to safe enough to share with the nurses. So most all of everyday we feel isolated, even though we are surrounded by people- supportive people.
We're sorry for posting when we are in H.
We're thinking of you all.
lostboys
BB - Don't be sorry for posting, we're glad to see you around here and know how you're doing :) I'm sorry to hear things are still so rough for you, and I'm glad you are managing to do some important work with your psych. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.
Labyrinth,
Dreams can have an important role in healing; dreaming is a time where all the things in our subconscious come to play, lots of processing happens in dreams.
How are you feeling today? Anymore "with it"?
Quote:
frozen
Sounds like the party was difficult, hope you are doing better now.
We experience dissociation on a whole range of levels. From the times where we just aren't 'all there', to feeling unreal and fuzzy and disorientated/confused, to going almost catatonic, to switching. So we have a full-range of dissociative experiences.
Like with the fire, we often get confused about distance/space and time as well - we think that is pretty typical with dissociation, but it does not feel good.
We're trying to keep calm and distracted, the younger patients here are loud and, well- teenaged -says it all really. The noise and squealing/yelling laughing is good to hear every now and then - but it's pretty full-on at the moment and is getting overwhelming. I don't want to seem like a party pooper, and I'm not saying 'You have to be depressed all the time' But this is a hospital and we're all here to do therapeutic work. (These are patients that are fairly new to therapy, joking/whispering in groups, walking out of groups etc) and it is quite frustrating.
They are just at a different point in the therapeutic process.
Oh well.
bad... week.. bad long time...
bad party on friday.. there were these girls, and jude was up... they hurt him and did stuff..... and (thebad thing) happened on sunday... so we missed counselling on monday... very all over the place.. thoughts banging
nothing making sense.. everyones up at once or down at once and roberta is just hiding... no way out we have a permanent headache... dont know what to do...
We're feeling very disconnected today, floating, dreaming, flying... far far away from everything. Can't stay awake, can't sleep. Memories flashing through, sensations on our body, feelings we can't describe... a black bottomless heavy weight that's sinking in our torso and settled at the bottom of our ribcage. Want to hurt, craving more hurt, want to kick and scream and be heard about everything that happened but we're not allowed to tell, and our counsellor is away right now anyway.
No words to say what's wrong, only the gut feeling that there is something wrong. Unsettled in this skin, need a new one. Restless, can't find the threat, can't get rid of it.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Does anyone ever find it can get too overwhelming when you stay with your adult feelings, so much so that you need to turn to comfort your child self, as that feels safer? That happened to me last night.
I don't think you said anything to upset people, Katie. Maybe people don't feel like dropping by just at the moment.
I don't feel very safe with my child self, because I don't identify with ever having been a child (as a child, I mostly felt old and weary - or that's how I remember it from my adult point of view) but people tell me that my behaviours and mannerisms can be very young sometimes. They also think I come across as very old at others. I feel neither adult nor child. (Or teenager, for that matter!) Not sure how old I am. Some adult feelings are too hard to deal with; others I am grateful for.
