Holly ive said it before but at some point you are going to have to take responsibility. Like i said do you want to try and get better or not, because really it doesnt seem like it, your using gambeling and drink to cope and now your talking about getting drugs illegally to help you sleep, seriously, you need to really have a good look at yourself and do something to change or try to.
That might sound harsh, but at some point we all have to want to change or else whats the point.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
Haha thanx for that claire! Must admit it's not my usual taste in music! lol.
Aww poor special one :(
Snogs back, with lots of tongue and saliva - tickles your tonsils :P
Mari, I'm not saying that what you've said is necessarily wrong, and yeh you do have to come to a point where you do those things, but at the moment she is going through a bad time what with her rents and everything, so maybe deserves a bit of leeway?
x
And you're my obsession, I love you to the bones...
sorry, taking me a min to reply, im kinda just thinking, im ok it was easy, i just mentioned how the lady i asw on tuesday was recommending i go on prozac, so mum asked why and i told her its recommended in ED cases, she just said oh right i never knew that about prozac. Just got to wangle into the convo the triggers in hope they can help me avoid them, also just went to tell my boyf since i started the mission lol
just hope she doesnt start keeping an eagle eye out now
The drugs thing was a joke seriously, I am gambling because I have a gambling addiction and yes I am doing my fukkin best with it going to ga, but its not just a case of clicking my fingers and the compulsion nor desire is gone. Its so fukkin hard with all the tennis and footy and everything so tempting, I am trying to change, I am going to ga, so yeah I know I need to make the effort and I am making it, but it doesn't happen overnight.
Do I look like someone who would tajke drugs? Have I ever in the past? I may not have slept since Sunday but I wouldn't go looking for something else to get addicted to, I may be stupid sometimes but I aint an idiot. If the fukkin doctor would help me out even for a few days, but no, not a thing except, stay on daily dispense and just deal with it.
Okay so I am dealing with it but the only thing that might help me sleep is alcohol, yeah I drank last night but did I get drunk no, have I touched any wine no, so yeah I may still do some things that I shouldn't but I aint being a complete waste of space, I aint had wine and ugh, you know what **** it
I also have nobody to fukkin talk to coz my best friend is more concerned about her boyfriend getting done for assaulting me and losing heis job so she might lose her flat, well who fukkin cares, she is gettign telt tonight that I have had it with her mind games and trying to coerce n blackmail me and make me feel like I am the one in the wrong
I've had it with her, had it with fukkin everything okay. Oh and see if this can of cider makes me feel even remotely better, then its fukkin worth drinking it.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
i'm so sick of felling like this!
