There is only one person that I'm living for right now and they don't know how much I really care for them,I'm too worried about scaring them off to tell them how much I love them.
I wrote "It wasn't rape" 10 times in my diary and then hacked the f*ck out my leg.
And I shall repeat this tonight.
And every night.
Until it stops hurting.
I'm getting more and more insecure and you don't see it.
I'm not fine and i won't be okay.
But its all good as long as i pretend I'm alright.
No one knows how sick and twisted i actually am. They don't think i mean it literally, they think i exaggerate, but i don't.
I am evil.
I would do evil things.
People need to realize that and stay away.
When you said that I'm not going through that anymore, that I'm ok now, it broke my heart.
You still cannot see that your daughter is struggling.
After about 7 years of depression, you still cannot see the signs. I'm still a convincing liar.
i just text you. told you i was drunk and i always text crap when im drunk. but truth is, when im drunk..the truth normally comes out, its when im sober i lie the most, but you dont need to know this. all you can offer me is a bit of fun, you dont want a relationship, last night i told you i was falling for you, this scared you, so i text you today, blamed alcohol and convinced you i wanted the same as what you wanted. but i dont. i am looking for a relationship. i cant take being used. i want someone to be there to hold me and tell me they care, i dont want to be ditched so you can go and watch football.but i lied cos i dont want to lose you. "if you are starting to fall for me then this really cant work"..so i should fo text.."ok it cant work then" but i didnt...why the fuck didnt i, as though i need more heartache and hassle and complication in my life, why did this even all start. leave me alone now. you dont know anything about me, you havent noticed my scars. you dont know how much your actions could affect me. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. I HATE YOU. but i want you in my life. but i dont know why...
I feel guilty for saying what I do in our sessions. I feel as if I'm lying about it. But I'm not. I'm lying to myself when I say I can go on.
I don't want to spend the rest of my days
Running around, chasing my shadow
So please don't let this chance slip away
If I waste it this time
I won't be here tomorrow
this is my space but not.
you fuck me around, never come home when you say you will.
i live to work.
i hate working there.
i feel so cold and like no-one understands me.
i've become so boring and self engrossed..
i accidentally OD'd the other day. and i remember how it felt.
and i liked it.
i had planned to kill myself on july 7th,
until i got to meet my best friend in real life, on july 10.
she saved my life and she doesn't know how.
by getting to meet her, it gave me something to hold on to.
"its weird that photographers spend years or even a whole lifetime,
trying to capture moments that, added together,
don't even amount to a couple of hours." -james lairopul keivom
