This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little:
Once upon a time in a land far far away,
A beautiful, independant, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped on to the princess' lap and said:
"Elegant lady, I was once a very handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that i truly am. And then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother. Where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't f*cking think so.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Paddy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty quid " she whispers.
He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the heck, its only twenty quid.
So they hide in the bushes. They've going "at it" for a couple of minutes when, all of a sudden, a light flashes on them. It's a police officer.
"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife," Paddy answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know.""Well, " Paddy says,
"Neither did I, until you shone that light in her face.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New
York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman
boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward
his seat and bingo – she took the seat right beside him.
'Hello', he blurted out, 'Business trip or vacation?'
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, 'Business. I'm going to
the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States.'
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever
seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for
nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your
business role at this convention?' 'Lecturer,' she responded.'I use
my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'
'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American
men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American
Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is
that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of
Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all
categories are the Irish.'
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,'
she said. 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even
know your name!'
'Tonto,' the man said. 'Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me
Paddy.'
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
every night mummy and daddy balloon put baby balloon to be in his room, and every night baby balloon creeps through and curls up in bed with his parents... finally, daddy balloon takes baby balloon aside and says to him 'your really too old to be sleeping in bed with us, its time you started staying in your room' so baby balloon promises that from now on, he will sleep in his own bed. that night, after his parents are fast asleep, baby balloon creeps into his parents room and curls up in their bed. the next morning daddy balloon wakes up to find baby balloon in the bed again and say 'im very disappointed in you son, youve let me down, youve let your mum down, but most of all youve let yourself down...'
thanks for all the other jokes!! really made me laugh!!
