I didn't realise how upset I was about what my CPN said until I just spoke to my mum.
Aged 0-16/19 I was emotionally abused by my Dad. It was severe abuse. I know that. But nobody else believes me/gives a shit. If I say the word 'abuse' everyone assume it was physical or sexual. So that's what all over my notes. I've never spoken to my CPN or therapst about it in detail and they know it's off limits. My little sister, who is only 11, is going through what I went through with him now. There is nothing I can do about it but when she says she hates him I completely understand why. I know what a bastard he is. My mum (who also happened to be a fucking childrens social worker for 10 years) and step mum watched him treat me like shit and did nothing. My mum was sexually abused by her dad and never used to count emotional abuse as abuse. She always said her abuse was worse.
Today I told my CPN about my sister hating our Dad and he said that children of that age hate their parents anyway. It just showed that he doesn't believe me/us either and there is no way I could ever talk to him about my Dad. How dare he suggest that it was just my sister 'being a kid'.
Nobody in the fucking world takes emotional abuse seriously, they dont' even class it as abuse. If my social worker mother and a responsible adult don't then why would anyone else? Why would any professional? They wont and certainly dont.
On top of that I went to a hotel with my boyfriend on new years. He knows about my intamcy issues after being raped and he asked me if we could have a bath togetehr. I've told him a million times about how I feel about that stuff but he put pressure on me anyway. I'm so angry at everyone right now.
Everyone think that the passing out is just psychology but my mum saw me in ICU with it for 5 fucking days because I wouldn't start breathing again once intubated. They haven't investigated it becuase I'm already under a psych team. Nobody gives a shit about it so I'm left alone passing out everywhere I go and ending up in A&E.
Can't stop crying. I'm going to overdose now. I've had enough. Sorry this was a massive emo bpd rant. Thanks if you've actually managed to get this far.
Do you think your sister is in harms way? If so, it might be worth a call to NSPCC if you are very concerned and they might be able to advise you.
I think people underestimate how damaging it can be, and I'm sorry it happened to you.
The passing out thing sounds dangerous and it frustrates me that they aren't taking it seriously; 'stess'/anxiety seem to get the blame for a lot of things, and though they can be factors, I very much doubt it would have left you in ICU for five days!
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
I agree with Sophia, if your sister is in a position where she is being/will be abused, emotional or otherwise, a call to NSPCC would be worth it to get her to safety. You can do it anonymously and they can just advise if you're not wanting to take it further.
I know how emotional abuse can be. It can be very damaging and I'm sorry people don't seem to take you seriously about it. It's something that needs to be stopped as soon as possible.
I'm sorry your passing out is not treated as a physical problem. It sounds clear enough to me that it's not something psychological.
If you are a danger to yourself please call someone or get to A&E.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I'm a bit calmer now. I didn't end up overdosing ( ) but I bought the pills and I'm still wanting to take them.
Social services have already been involved but they're not anymore. They wont do anything. After all it's emotional abuse and near impossible to prove. And of course my Dad denies everything. The last time I called NSPCC I got very upset because the person didn't believe what I was saying and kept asking me if I'd just had an argument with my Dad and was I trying to get him in trouble for no reason. I can't handle that again.
Thank you for your validation about the passing out. I'm so exhausted with it that I don't think I have the strength to ask for a neurology referral. I'll just get laughed at anyway. There's no point.
Feeling very bleak. I think I'm going to try and get a place at the crisis house for tonight. I haven't purged yet today (and I've eaten) which is something I guess.
I'm glad you didn't end up ODing but I'm sorry it's gotten to the point of buying pills.
I'm sorry NSPCC didn't help you last time you called and that SS didn't help when they were involved. That was out of order for the person from NSPCC to assume! It's no wonder people don't report things to them.
I'm sorry you're feeling so bleak. I hope you get a place at the crisis house and it helps you stay safe.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Hi Katie, I'm sorry to hear how difficult things are right now. Is there any way of getting social services involved again? Do you think your sister is safe at home? I can't remember if you live with your parents and sister.
The passing out sounds extremely scary and worrying. They shouldn't just assume it's psychological without investigating. I've found on a number of occasions that my physical issues are just blamed on my mental health and it shouldn't be that way. I don't understand how they can say it's psychological when you were in ICU for 5 days with it. Have you been to your GP about it? I'm wondering whether they could do a referral. Please don't give up.
Have you been able to get a place at the crisis house?
Is there anyone you can give the pills to? It might be a good idea to get rid of them to remove temptation.
That's great that you haven't purged today.
x
When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?
I don't live with my sister, she lives with her mum in a different city. I'm considering giving nspcc a ring and speaking directly to my sister. There's a good chance I could persuade her to not see him anymore but I didn't want to go down that route, I want her to make her own decisions, I'm not sure.
Crisis house just gave me a ring and they're are sending a taxi out in a bit so at least I'll be safe tonight. There's no one I can give the pills to and to be honest I don't really want to give them away. My gp knows about the passing out but he's never suggested a neuro referral.
I'm not sure what I can say about the other issue, but I'm glad you're getting over to a crisis house tonight. I hope you can get some rest and respite there. Plus there should be someone to talk things over with, which might help.
x
The crisis house was ok but talking about everything sort of brought it up which was a bit triggering. Nothing against them, they're really good. It's just me. Being a twat.
I've overdosed. I probably should yeah. Fucking terrified. I hate myself. I don't know what my fucking problem is. I don't know why I do this. I'm sorry.
Thinking of you Katie. I hope you're getting help and support.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
) but I bought the pills and I'm still wanting to take them. 
