Do you have a diagnosis of bipolar? Because going through periods of feeling suicidal, being impulsive and acting on it and the next day feeling calm is quite typical. I have acted in exactly the same way in the past- even getting admitted to hospital due to my actions then the next morning wondering what the hell had happened because I felt fine.
I think you need to think of how you will cope long term- just because you have periods of feeling okay doesn't mean to say you don't need help. You need to plan how you're going to deal with the down times.
You've admitted that you're under a lot of stress at university- is it worth having a meeting to see how you can reduce that stress? Can you go part time?
A hospital admission to change meds sounds like a very sensible idea.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I think I will need to have that meeting at uni to see how I can reduce the stress - and maybe this would be step number one before going into hospital. Maybe once knowing that pressure has eased I will become safer.
Bipolar II was on the cards for a while with my psychologist but never formally with my psychiatrist, but I believe it fits as you may recall.
You're right; I do want to work on coping with things in the real world. You'll remember Sarah I was in and out of hospital a lot as a teen and I don't want to go back to being that person.
I usually do have a very sound plan for dealing with the down times. I eve have a safety plan stuck behind my door in my bedroom and I'm great at self-soothing. I guess it was the impulsivity that I was not prepared for.
Thank you for replying xx
So maybe,
1) crisis team tomorrow
2) meeting with uni to discuss how shit things are and options (hopefully tomorrow)
3) ride it out and hope it gets better if there is a suitable option for uni. and if not. hospital or kill self or something.
Whereas the cons are
i'll fall behind in uni
my dad and family will be disappointed and not understand
it will be unlikely i could do my confirmation in august
i might become reliant on the hospital system and not learn to deal with my problems
hospital is a sad and scary and lonely place
i have patches where i am okay so maybe it isn't required
it would need to be next tuesday anyway because nobody is here to care for my dog (by then I may be better)
- You can talk to them about that and see what the options are
- They can be talked to aswell, you cant hold off your recovery to they wont be disappointed, it isnt fair on you. You need to do what is best for you.
- what is the confirmation? can this be worked around?
- a possibility, but you can talk to the people involved in your care about this, and if you are only in short term it is less of a risk
- yeah it is, but it need only be for a little while, and it might be a good experience
- you also have patches like last night, where it is required
- is there nobody that could take care of your dog until tuesday? You said you would be seeing your aunt while your family is away, could she help?
In regards to uni perhaps it is worth talking to them and finding out what your options are, maybe that would help you make a clearer decision as you will know where you stand. Family is a hard one, the disappointment can feel really crushing but I am sure they would much rather know that you are safe. It may seem like their are alot of cons but I think the most important thing to consider is whether you think you could keep yourself safe?
I hope you get a more helpful person in the morning and not that stupid person. Just because your struggling with uni at the moment doesn't mean that it won't change in the future. You do have the ability, you wouldn't have got on the course if you didn't. I know it is hard to even think about considering a break from uni when your so close to finishing but it is not worth destroying yourself over.
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
Good one Steph. Thanks for taking the time to help me work through these thoughts, it's very much appreciated.
Confirmation is presentation and a report, in theory could be moved to November but I'm keen for it not to be.
My Aunt has a cat so won't be able to look after Jazz (my dog) and lives too far away to visit to check in. Honestly with Jazz there really is no way for it to work until my dad is back; and when he is back I might be safer anyway.
I am seeing now why I am so confused about everything, but it is helping immensely to talk it out. Thanks all xx
Thanks Kat. Don't worry I'm not anywhere close to finishing uni :P I do think speaking with the uni about things might be the best place to start. Thank you also for helping me work through those thoughts, I really appreciate it.
I'll read over all this in the morning too, I think it will help me to articulate myself to the crisis team about what exactly is swirling through my head.
Well perhaps it might help you to stay safe till your dad is back, if you remind yourself that you need to take care of Jazz, and you cant if you go into hospital but you also cant if you're dead?
It should do. Although I have told my friend that she is to look after Jazz in case something happens, which she agreed too, but I do see your point and it is certainly a good motivator.
Thank you again. I promise I'm not trying to be difficult.
Ah sorry I thought you were close to finishing, my apologies. I am glad that this thread is helping you to work through things, perhaps you can write down some points that you want to get across to the crisis team. Talking to the uni is a good plan too
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
I know we haven't seen each other in years but i'd be happy to stay with you until your dad gets back and take care of Jazz too. You shouldn't have to be alone when you are feeling like this.
Or can one of your other friends stay with you until your dad gets back?
I hope everything is sorted out with the crisis team and you feel better soon. I've been thinking of wanting to catch up with you, even if it's for a short time on the weekend, as i know you are busy during the week.
Thanks they are good alternatives. This thread and your replies have been the most helpful thing ever and just what I needed. Thank you. I'm sorry for being such a drama queen I really am trying to cooperate. I might write some of these things on paper when I wake up tomorrow that is a good idea.
Thanks Andree i will consider it and also plans to be busy on evenings with people.
I came across this website whilst looking for something else and thought it might be of some help to you. I hope you feel okay during the night and if not please come back here and post for more support.
Thank you all. Steph it was late so I went to bed. Andrea those links all look like really helpful resources!
I'm not sure yet how I feel today. I wish I could have gone to uni instead of this meeting with the crisis team. I bet they don't even come until after my class would have ended. I still don't know what to say about how I feel any more so I'll just roll over in bed and think about that. .
