I feel so shit, really really, shit. Theres no way out of this is their!!! I feel emotions to intensily im sure I do, it cannot be natural to feel tihngs this strongly. I want to cut, I want to cry. I just want the feelings to go aaway. Right now a week seems like an eternity
Now apparently one of my closest friends is ignoring me! Seriosuely what the fuck is going on! It feels like theyv all got together and decided to cut me out of their life. I text a few that where ignoring me. Im doubting il get responses but i just dont get it :( I hope they respond im feeling really alone right now having a response form ANY of them would make me feel a bit better. My mood dropped to suicidal again. If noone likes me anymore why should i bother living!
I could kill myself now and noone would notice and noone would care! my real life friends wouldnt notice, my family probally would forget, and im guessing noone on here would care either. This friends thing is triggering me really badly. I feel so isolated and alone. Im going to go sleep before i do anything bad. But damn it wouldnt be bad it would just be a disapearing of someone that doesnt matter. gah im of to bed
I endded up taking a certain drug, that is shouldt really take, though only half my normal dose and that helped me sleep. I woke up to texts from three diffrent people. I think the above was just pure paranoia. That one friend is still ignoring me though :(. Mike thank you for that it means alot :) and Rach I care about you to. Thank you both of you for telling me you care, its nice to be able to read it so that i have proof that my thoughts are wrong. thank you, I feel a bit better on waking up.
Last edited by angel of despair : 16-08-2012 at 07:15 PM.
Hey lovey, I'm sorry I haven't read this, I needed to take some time out for myself, but I just wanted to say that if you ever need to talk, I hope you know that I'm there for you! I have a number for you, don't even know if it's the right one, but you should know mine, and you can text me whenever? Yus? Yus.
*squishes sisterling*
Hold Out Your Hand. Let Me Feel You As The Sun Comes Up Again.
I've Never Felt So Free. We Made It Through The Night.
Forget About The Fight. We Left The Cold, And The Darkness Tried To Take Us Down.
I've Never Felt So Free. We Made It Through The Night
Thank you sisterling! I think I lost your number when my phone was stolen :( So i shall pm you.
I had such a bad night last night, I know not to take that tablet so why do I do it to myself. Spent most the night with a major headache trying not to throw up :( I thought id managed to avoid it as well, how wierd for it to kick in like 5 hours later.
Iv been watching random animal documentories on tv to distract myself, this really does seem so hard. I want the pain to go away :( are at the very least I want a hug :(
Physically I feel sick and headachy which isnt nice. Taken some anti emetics though so it shall all be ok. My paranoia is getting really bad, it sounds insane but the thoughts in my head their telling me certain poeple i know are out to get me and if they can they will hurt me in some way, im convinced that all groups of people i know are talking about me to in a bad way. and i really dont want them to :( i dont want people to hate me. I know im a bad person but i really hate being the bad person i am.
Now im getting the suicidal thoughts, night really is the hardest with them. I think its because theres noone I can talk to meaning I have to go through it alone. Would it really be so bad if i "left" i dont really want to be here anymore, its full of pain, shame and torment. I havnt had anything positive happen to me since before christmas I think. Are maybe the positive things have been happening but im so far gone they dont make an impact on me. I dont know. I feel desperate but its not help im desperate for its release, i want release from all of thease feelings. Help can give me that yes but not in the short term. This makes me feel like im screwed, it makes me feel like I have no other choice, I dont want to spend another night lieing awake tihnking all thease triggering thoughts wishing for sleep. Im purposefully avoiding bed so I dont have to do that. Where do I go from here? it seems I have two options I either stop fighting all this shit and "leave" or I keep trying. Neither of them choices seem good enough. I want the third choice of i leave temporarily until everythings all better again. Im not going to get that though am I.
Why am I even still posting in here its 6 fucking pages long! im sure everyone has the idea that I feel shit by now. Maybe I should let this thread die. I dont have that much fight left in me anymore anyway. In all honesty I tihnk im safe enough from suicide at the moment, but I have alot of doubts about weather il still be alive at the end of the summer holiday.
i'm sorry that you're feeling so bad right now. i hope that you get through the night without harming or ODing... *hugs*
when it comes to feeling like people are ignoring you, try to remember that there are lots of reasons that they may not be responding to you. perhaps they lost their phone. or are having something go on in their own lives that is taking a lot of time. perhaps they just aren't feeling great themselves. they may just be busy... often times slow responses have much more to do with the person responding than with the person who sent the message
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Hey lovely *cuddles*, I'm sorry this week has been so hard. I certainly care about you, and I don't want anything bad to happen to you. You're not a bad person, and if anyone hates you, which I find hard to believe, then that's just their loss.
I know how hard it is not being able to sleep and ending up lying awake for hours, especially as that usually results in a lot of negative and unpleasant thoughts. I think it could be really beneficial to try to work on that, with things like sleep hygiene and relaxation techniques, trying different things that might help you to sleep. I have some idea, so come and prod me if you want a chat about that.
I know that the rest of the Summer seems like an eternity, but I promise it isn't, and it will be over eventually. I know things are difficult right now, but they won't always be that way.
I hope you're ok, I'm around whenever you need,
Ailsa xxx
"And sometimes when our fights begin,
I think I'll let the Dragons win...
And then I think perhaps I won't,
Because they're Dragons, and I don't."
I saw the psych and got given olanzepine, but thats the only help il get till the end of september, other than the crisis team. I got told during the appointment that i cant have been that bad :s because im at uni. i feel like there must be nothing wrong with me. but if this drug doesnt work im not gonna have much more to hold on for, i think il give it a chance, otherwise its going to be plan B, and plan B will cause others problems. The postive thing is that the psych said he whinks with dialetical something therapy I can be "cured" 5 years of problems cured like that? maybe but im having doubts.
I've already talked to you a bit about this, but I'm going to answer some specific bits anyway -
I think giving the drug a chance sounds like a good plan. I'm not sure what plan B is, but it sounds slightly daunting!
Also, I'm guessing he was talking about DBT (Dialectal Behaviour Therapy)? It's not something I've had experience of, but you mind find some info about it somewhere on here. In fact, let me have a look...
There are a few threads about it, but mostly linking back to this website and the Wikipedia article, which could give you more info. I've heard it can be very beneficial and effective, so it might really be something to try. Obviously, therapy is not magic, and it takes time and effort on your part, but I do think your problems can be cured, however long they've been going on for, as it isn't a lifelong illness.
"And sometimes when our fights begin,
I think I'll let the Dragons win...
And then I think perhaps I won't,
Because they're Dragons, and I don't."
